It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, May 31, 2010

It Was Hard in the Beginning, But Mets' Dickey Refuses to Go Limp

Fun facts about Dickey:
On August 17, 2008, Dickey tied the record for most wild pitches in an inning, with 4.

Alright, I think I've gotten Dickey out of my system now.  Almost.  The Mets were able to salvage one blasted victory from another forgettable series.  This is the club we expect really, not the one that stole two series in a row from their main rivals. And, as has been widely reported, we can count the Mets GM, perfectly happy to snag that one game in each series, as a fellow traveler.
I want to formally propose here that if the Mets rotation looses any more members to injury or insanity (i.e. Mike Pelfrey), the management needs to take the opportunity to turn its energy to stocking the clubhouse with knuckleballers. What could be more appropriate for this clown-show of an organization? The Mets cannot win if they play fair, so I want to see knuckleballers in the rotation, bullpen, and hanging from the rafters.   Imagine what this would do for John Maine's fastball.

Just to show I'm not kidding, I will profile a potential acquisition here in this space.  Eri Yoshida, Japan's "Knuckle Princess" is doubtlessly availableThe only balls she has are knucklers. She has "dimples and a sidearm knuckleball."  She is now a professional baseball pitcher, which is more than I can say for Oliver Perez or Fernando Nieve.  It says here she has what it takes to be the next Kaz Matsui. End profile.  Omar Minaya needs to have Shinjo place an introductory call on behalf of the Mets, and make this happen.  More on this campaign later, but here's a potential motto: "The NY Mets: Knuckleballers on the Mound, Knucklehead's in the Front Office."

On to the real news of the day.  Managers often like to establish roles for their bullpen guys, to give them a sense of stability, of when and how they'll be used, or in the case of Jerry's Kidz, misused.  It looks like Jerry has hit upon Oliver Perez' role with the Mets in the aftermath of Doh'P's second refusal of a minor league assignment. Jerry plans to use him in extra-innings or "something like that."

In the best tradition of tabloid journalism, the Post has some tasty anonymous player quotes on this most recent Ollie disaster (suck it bloggers!):
When told that Manuel’s plan is to save Perez for extra-inning games, one of the Mets players laughed.
“What, we need another 20-inning game and then use him after we’ve used all our pitchers and if a position player’s sinker isn’t biting?” the player said.
Hahahahahaha. That's great stuff, Angel Pagan.  We know it's you.  Everything is better in life when there are players in a clubhouse willing to whisper cold truths to beat reporters. And what does Ollie have to say for himself?
“I want to stay here.”
The good news here is that the organization is finally in a spot where the reality of the state of Perez' suckitude (that's suckiness and poor attitude combined), and the enormity of the mistake it was resigning him, just cannot be escaped.

MLB Trade Rumors charitably tries to determine potential trading scenarios for Oliver Perez now that he's shit the bed while screwing the pooch. Perhaps the swapping of a really really bad contract?
Gary Matthews Jr.'s contract qualifies as equally bad, but he's already on the Mets.
Oh well, thanks for trying!

Watching Perez get what is coming to him promises to be one of the highlights of this season.  And I want to hear the announcement from Omar's mouth.
Several years ago, there was a lot of worry over David Wright's advertising partners.  For instance, should he or his representatives really be associating Wright's image with a "Reverend Dr." who endorsed exorcism and the drinking of fecal matter, among other things?  If you thought Dr. Jaerock Lee and the Salvation Miracles Revival Crusade was sketchy, get a load of the company Wright is keeping now! Indeed, post beaning David Wright may be sliding into old bad habits.
I refuse to post a picture of the "Situation" here.

Wright needs to get right at the plate, sure, but first he needs to look into new representation.

"Things I Can't Believe Didn't Happen to the 2009-10 Mets" Dept.
 I'm sure I am not the only one claiming that I have always been critical of the ridiculous regular season jump up and down celebrations on home plate, but I will still claim my piece of smug vindication pie.  Angels star Kenny Morales broke his fucking leg diving into one of these idiotic victory piles after beating the Mariners in May! So...I told you so.  Now stay posted for the player braining on the preposterous "Tal's hill" and pole in Houston's centerfield!
 Click this now while you still can!

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mets Steal More Than Just Signs: Phillies Find it Hard To Beat Dickey, Thrown Out of Hizzoner's Court
 Hizzhoner is not much impressed by the Phillies

The 2010 NY Mets brief renaissance continued last night as the Mets stole a series from the hated Philmes. Though the club remains mired in the final slot in the standings with wild card contention most probably a pipe dream, the baseball gods want us to start caring about this team so our hearts can be ripped out on schedule. That explains the stirring victories over vastly superior clubs (the Yankers and the Philmes) in recent days.

Something new: 
People are saying that the play of Angel "Crazy Horse" Pagan should get some credit for the Mets recent successes, but we also should take into account the fact that Jason "Throw Money into the" Bay has started to use that piece of lumber for more than fanning umpires with cool breezes. And of course, R.A. Dickey is probably the real reason, if not for the Mets successes, than for millions of blog posts and renewed interest in the Mets on the part of all of us with sophomoric senses of humor.  I say the Mets GM needs to seriously consider A) filling out the rotation with as many knuckleballers as possible and B) cruising Mexico for players and seeing what else we can borrow from Tabasco (and give the Yomiuri Giants a call while we're at it).  Winning with players you expect to lose with is much more pleasurable than the usual situation around here, losing with beleaguered star players and a poorly chosen supporting cast, and I'm all for it. Back up the truck Omar, and fill it with scrubs!

Meanwhile the NY media is feasting on the juicy stories flowing from the doomed franchise that is the NY Mets.

Something old:
Darryl Strawberry, who is somehow comfortable pronouncing on anything after the way he's conducted his affairs, got into the clubhouse long enough last Thursday while the Mets were in DC to deliver a pep talk that did or did not rub some Mets players the wrong way. The papers are saying that the until recently useless Jason "K" Bay and clubhouse leader and go-to smiler Jeff "Franchise" Francouer are the aggrieved parties, but also that both players deny this.
Something Borrowed:
Charlie Manuel probably had to be reminded that the Mets are irrelevant to the Philmes in every possible way after he claimed that the Mets should be the ones under investigation for stealing signs.  Mannel apologized for his statements:
“That was just something I said that was stupid,” he said. “Someone said something dumb to me, and I said something dumb back. I have a lot of respect for the Mets. It wasn’t very smart.”
While Manuel gave ground, another Phillie, bitter ex-Met Nelson Figueroa, was getting his licks in with some telling quotes:
“There are no guarantees here, but it’s a lot more fun in first place.” Figueroa said it was a bit odd being in the visiting clubhouse because the Phillies see the rivalry with the Mets differently.
“On the other side, we were always worried about the Phillies,” he said. “They’re not worried here. There’s no panic. It’s a different vibe, the whole atmosphere, from management on down.”

Something Blue:
In an article that has no byline (is Jon Harper trying to hide from his own reporting?) in the Daily News, a NY reporter uses rumors and anonymous player sources to make the case that Francisco Rodriguez is chafing under the Jerry Manuel regime's use of his services. As the story goes, the when bullpen coach Randy Newman Niemann told "K"-rod to stop complaining, to which the noted hothead reacted with his noted hotheadedness.  It seems like it's been a long time and a lot of shabby play--dating perhaps to the injury of Billy "Countrytime Lemon" Wagner-- since area reporters have mucked any rake about the Mets clubhouse.  Without tried and true sources of discontent and centers of controversy such as Wagner and Carlos Delgado, reporters were probably consumed by the advent of their own irrelevance, too much to engage in the kind of stirring up trouble that sells papers and makes stuff interesting.

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

KnuckleBalls!! Mets Left Holding Their Dickey Again

               "Bye-bye Jerry! What's that you say? You're waving hello?"

I don't have any interest in re-caping last night's game wherein the Mets lost to a superior franchise, I just wanted to put out a lewd blog post to celebrate the Mets latest knuckleballing attraction. Unfortunately, this song didn't have its desired effect.  Now that the end is near, I have already turned my full attentions to scratching my head about how this team could be so bad. That and doing some research on Bob Melvin, because I'm curious what difference it will make if the Mets jettison Jerry at some point in the near future.

Jose Reyes is now hitting .210.

Angel Pagan might not be a naturally gifted base runner, but when there is only one choice to make as there is during an in-the-park homerun gallop ("keep running"), he does ok.

Finally, a new, non-derivative, worthwhile Met blog! It's been a long time since someone did something interesting.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Mets Suffer Wright-Off Loss

It was just what the Mets wanted.  A ninth inning showdown between the shining light of their hapless and anemic offense and their ex-closer, Billy "Goat" Wagner.  Surely ol' Countrytime would accommodate his old teammates--he was always there with a kind word or a short phrase taped to their lockers when they needed him.  It started out ok.  Wags and umpire Ron"Mea"Culpa conspired to allow Luis Castillo to become safe at first, and then Gary Mediocre Joker of all people, was able to induce Wags to wildpitch old Luis to second. GMJ finally found a talent--ducking out of the way of Wagner's apparent 100 mph fastball.  Later, with Castillo at third, David Wright K'd for the third time of the night when a mere flyball would have put the Mets up.  To rub salt in the wound that added insult to injury, with the Br*ves at bat in the bottom of the ninth, Wright then took a ball he should have put in his pocket and threw it into right field, allowing the winning run to score.  Short of tackling Johan Santana off the mound, Wright did everything one player could do to lose a game on their own.

You can't say David Wright is the Mets' main problem. That would be ridiculous. But boy did he take over the game with his lousy play in the end there. There are a million ways to lose a ballgame, and the NY Mets are slowly working through all of them; you can check off "star player blows it at bat and on the field" if you are keeping track.

You also can no longer say that the Mets don't have Dickey in the way of starting pitching. He's here.
"I have no idea when he's got it, when he doesn't have it," Manuel said, laughing. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I have no idea."
Just to be clear, Jerry is having a laugh about R.A. Dickey, the starter called up to replace Ollie or Niese or someone tomorrow, not discussing his general game plan.  I'm glad Manuel can still laugh about his team's predicament.  Ask me three innings into tomorrow's knuckleball spectacular if I'm laughing.

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Look Busy, Here Comes Jeffy Jr.: Jerry's Kids Hold on to Not Lose to Atlanta

   Either somebody just saw Bobby Cox naked, or they just watched the NY Mets play baseball.

Most Mets fans, when they read the headline that Jeff Wilpon did not travel to Atlanta to fire Jerry Manuel or Omar Minaya,  probably asked: "well then who did?"

Jeffy Jr. (who cannot be fired) made it clear that they had closed door meetings last night in the bowels of Ted Turner's Torture Chamber only to talk baseball, not to, you know, threaten anyone's employment status, while the media and blogeratti circled outside the door waiting for blood, twittering and tweeting and snarking.  Of course these are the bossmen who continue to prolong the career of Gary Mediocre Joker so what kind of decisions do we expect? What frightens me is the reports I saw that they "talked baseball." What does Jeffy Jr. know about that? If that's the case, wouldn't it have made more sense to call a meeting with Vin Scully or Terry Cashman?

Fanboys will be excited to hear that the team is going to send Jjennryy Meija to the minors to train to be a starter, but perhaps less excited when the poor young thing is recalled in a month with the Mets still in last place and running a knuckle-baller, a juggler and a pitching mime out on the mound after Johan and Tongue. Yes, there are such things as pitching mimes.  Fanboys can't decide whether managers/lineup orders don't matter at all, or whether they are the single most important thing, but they do know that the media is useless and RBIs and wins should not even be recorded because they are so stupid. And they do know they hate Jerry as much as they loved Fire Joe Morgan.  Unfortunately Jerry's departure isn't going to make Carlos Beltran's knees walk through that door, nor will it hire on a few additional top drawer starters for the summer, wriggle out of those contracts with Oliver Perez and Francisco Rodriguez, or lift the general malaise hanging over this cursed club since Endy Chavez leaped over that wall.

If you think about it from the Wontpon's perspective, what's the use in firing Jerry? So they can continue to pay several managers to have this team consistently under-perform its supposed talent level/wither like fragile flowers/struggle against its GM's incompetence? The Wilpons probably realize 2010 is a washout and are scheming to put some fannies in those empty empty Citi seats, maybe with a big splash.  Let's face it, it is unlikely the Mets will get out of the NL East basement (since every other team is better than them) much less catch the Phillies or qualify for wildcardness.  Maybe they'll swing a trade for the mad jogger of Florida, who'd fit right in with this sad sack franchise.

Better ideas than signing Oliver Perez for 3/$36 million.
An On-going Photo Essay
idea #2

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Monday, May 17, 2010

Top 10 Things Jeff Francoeur Spent his Off-Day Thinking About

NY Mets starting rightfielder Jeff Francoeur took a mental health day on Sunday. Here's what was going through his mind as he cleared it:

10. "if flossing after meals is so important, then why don't they show it on the scoreboard?"
9. the many entertainment options one can enjoy during Delta Airlines flights
8. hacking away: a good approach to at-bats, or the best approach?
7. that confusing night alone with Chipper Jones and that bottle of Wild Turkey
6. "what does Kevin Burkhart look like without any...wait...what's that? Jerry wants me to bring my 0 fer 20 streak into the game to pinch hit at a pivotal moment? That just doesn't make any sense at all...oh well..."

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mainely Terrible: The Mets are Fish Food
 The Metropolitans franchise chugs along the road to oblivion.

Is there a lower point than rock bottom?

Not content with being Major League baseball's running punchline, the MinayaMets add new chapters to their legacy every week.  This is a team built to shower their fans with indignity after indignity. Lately, every night it's something new and, if you're lucky, you might see two new things. John Maine started the game by throwing something like 50 pitches in the first inning, 48 of them balls. I don't remember seeing that.  And Rod Barajas decided to go for second base, down 3 in the 9th with no outs. Either he is overestimating the impact of his spinning class, or Rod is just trying to show that he can play the goat too. I do remember things like that happening, and I call them Mets baseball.

There is so much badness, it feels like we need to take stock a couple months into the season, if only for psychological reasons. I trace the current phase of Metastrophe back to Minaya's failure to bolster a rotation featuring 2 guys coming off of surgery, and Oliver Perez. There are villagers deep in the Chinese countryside that could tell you Perez is hopeless. And why Beltran didn't have the surgery earlier I still am not sure.  Now the club's franchise player, whose hit to the noggin last season may have knocked the MVP out of him, well, many times he seems to have forgotten how to make contact with the baseball (though last night's 2 for 3 with HR is a hopeful sign).

                          This guy threw out the first pitch last night; the Mets should have auditioned him.

More changes will be afoot since this team can't possibly think it can tread water until the return of Beltran magically makes them into contenders.  That this year's club is worse than the sum of their parts somehow feels like progress.  And while Jerry might not want to answer the phone after midnight, I fear that fans calling for his head will only be temporarily satisfied; the firing of Manuel will only be a band aid on a wound gushing blood. It may save a few pitcher's careers, yes but, well, the club still sucks.

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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oliver Perez Sparkles: Lefty Has Another Fine Outing, Finally Reaching Potential

Oliver Perez Must be Designated for Greatness Assignment

I am sick of writing or thinking about Oliver Perez, who after giving up like 50 homeruns and single (left) handedly losing last night's game against the hated Florida Marlins, it seems, finally blew so many starts out his ass that even the Mets' brass has to take notice. So let's take the time instead, to send out a little !@#?&* You to his agent Scott Bora$, who, in winter 2008 in an effort to trick Omar Minaya into another idiotic move, once penned a book in which he compared Perez to Randy Johnson, Sandy Koufax, C.C. Sabathia, Cole Hamels, Ted Lilly and Johan Santana. This book was
divided into eight chapters that include[d] such headings as: “Perez Turns Corner in 2006,” “Perez Is One of Baseball’s Top 5 Left-Handed Starting Pitchers,” “A Rare Young Left-Handed Starting Pitcher Available on the Free-Agent Market,” “Big-Game Ollie,” and “Durable Ollie”...“Perez Eats Innings,” “Dominates on the Biggest Stage,” and “Perez Beats Up on Mets’ Rivals in 2007-2008.”
Remember this? As Morris Day would say, "don't it make you mad?" At the time of the resigning, I ridiculed the book and the idea that resigning this jackass would lead to anything other than doom, but like anyone, I continue to cope with Omar's deal with humor, bitterness, then rage and occasional blackouts.

In the old news department, Lenny Dykstra just zoomed by Operation Shutdown and Moo "Foxy Lady" Vaughn as the most pathetic ex-Met of the last 30 years. Being a loser is an art form for Lenny, but then again, he was a Phillie. Based in "West Los Ageles," Dykstra is still trying to cheat innocents out of money, but he is reduced to selling his own "Basaeball History" memorabilia.  So if you're interested in being snookered and possibly raped in a sad, sour smelling LA apartment complex with an eviction notice stapled to its front door, by all means respond to Lenny's Craigslist ad.

Jeff the French finally found someone he could give hitting pointers too, apparent Mets fan and latest Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan
"First of all," he continued, "I'll say that she's choked way too far up on the bat. It looks like the lower hand's kind of too much over, knuckles need alignment. You can tell she's gripping the bat way too hard. She's not going to be able to get it there.
"The stance is not very good. Her feet are kind of open here. That's not going to make for a real good, powerful stance. Smiling at the pitcher is probably not a great idea.
"I do like how the head is turned. Her shoulders are nice. She's balanced. But it's not a very strong stance and you can't smile at the pitcher or you're gonna get hit. You're gonna get hit."
When told that she is a Mets fan, Francoeur shifted his position. "Is she?" he asked. "Well, tell her I like her then. Tell her she's got a good stance."
When informed of Frenchy's critique, Kagan reportedly wondered who the hell Frenchy was to criticize either her approach to hitting or smiling.


Better ideas than signing Oliver Perez for 3/$36 million.
An On-Going Photo Essay
idea #1

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Friday, May 14, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Fred Wilpon Wants to Buy the Islanders

ITEM: Jeff Wilpon has been caught playing with his (friend Charles) Wang.  And reports say the Mets have an interest in installing the ice hockey concern from Long Island in a new arena/"sports entertainment complex" next to Citi Field, and possibly buying the team.
10. Jeffy always loved fish-sticks
9. Tragic misunderstanding of how TARP funds can be used (already in negotiations to secure Goldman Sachs arena naming rights)
8. Dave Howard's master stroke for dealing with the Citi Field garbage problem: ICE GIRLS!
7. Dunderheaded management is a growth industry and the Mets feel well positioned for the future
6. Mistook them for the Los Angeles Dodgers
5. Can't miss the opportunity to transfer Citi's unused seats to a new venue
4. Gotham Girls roller derby turned the Wilpons down already--Girls are looking for a more reputable partner
3. Chance to extend Rick DiPietro's contract
2. Zamboni more fun to watch than Mets starting pitching rotation
1. Fred looking forward to outfitting new arena in Rangers colors, and finally building the Mark Messier Rotunda

ice girls!

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm Nat Impressed with the Mets
"Don't ask me why your team is so bad, I've got problems of my own!"

The Mets got what they wanted from John Maine: adequacy.  After the Mets loaded the bases in the first inning, Jose Reyes, David Wright and Ike Davis all struck out. That was probably the turning point for the Mets chances of winning right there. So let it not be said that Mets 4-6 hitters only fail in late inning, clutch situations. It's a regular murderer's row jaywalker's row let-their-parking-meters-lapse row that Omar has assembled.

It seems that the Mets ice cold stars are more interested in scoring points with the umpires than staying in the ballgames to help their team. Reyes, never celebrated for his maturity, delivered a pointless hissy fit over an obvious strike and got tossed tonight by Laz(y) Diaz, an ump who I have to say, has the laziest tossing motion I've seen (word play!)! This was a night after Reyes' pal "Swingsy" Wright cursed his way out of the park.  Wright has a bad influence on Jose, who wudda thunk it?
Recalling Chris Carter from the minors probably won't help much.

Why is David Wright suddenly a K machine?  According to MLB, "Wright fanned a career-high 140 times in 144 games last season and is on pace to strike out 190 times in the same number of games this season." He's also on a pace to walk 125 times when his previous high was 94 freebies.  Was it that the beaning knocked something loose in his head? Could it be that he is now too buff to swing the bat? If this keeps up, we may come to discover there is something troubling about the abrupt changes in Wright's game over the past season and the beginning of this season.

The Mets "braintrust" will "reflect" upon Oliver Perez's status with the club.  I guess that's good news.

Wake up, there's a lady in the booth, Keith!!

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Monday, May 10, 2010

Blowin' in the Wind--Oliver Perez Defiles Yet Another Major Holiday

Oliver Perez: A pitcher only a mother could love

From walk off to walking the ball park... we knew it was coming and Oliver Perez delivered his normal flummoxing performance--walking everyone he couldn't hit with pitches.  He walked the pitchers, the lead off batters, the bat boys and a few of the cotton candy salesmen in the stands.  The Mets don't play on Christmas or Thanksgiving, but we can be sure that Perez could sour our enjoyment of those holidays too. Fair warning: Easter, Fourth of July are fair game.

The Mets never for a minute deserved to win this game.

The Mets had a chance to score in the first, but strikeout twins Jason Kay and David "Swingsy" Wright flailed and failed against Tim Lincecom. Davey Boy added to the boneheadery in the 9th arguing yet another strikeout and getting his dumbass tossed from the game. Had the Mets managed anything off of Brian Wilson and tied it up, they would have had to stick a pitcher in the field. But the wind can't help ya if you can't put the bat on the ball.
Brian Wilson mocked the Mets in the 8th and 9th. 

Somehow Perez stayed in the game until the 4th inning, though he tried to give up a grand slam and tried to throw the ball into centerfield.  At this point, Oliver calling himself a major league pitcher is as ballsy and obnoxious as fantasizing you're married to David Lee Roth, then suing him for divorce!!  Other happenings of note: Jerry remembered the Mets are paying Raul Valdes so we got to enjoy the fine stylings of the Mexican League Marauder/ the Tabasco Tosser. "Nightly" Nieve showed Jerry that he has to be brought into Monday's game no matter what. Meijia did the lead blowing honors.

**Old News Department
The Atlanta manager who, in my less responsible years, I called Bobby "Sucks" Cox really takes the cake.  It seems old balls and strikes whining, wife-beating Bobby was being honored by some Senator or another (doubtless the same ones who still support segregation and intra-family matrimony) and well, the official Senate bakery fucked up badly.  The picture below tells most of the story, and the story and link was lifted without apology from our friends at Can't Stop the Bleeding:

But allow me to observe that, according to the second rate TV station website of Channel 2 Action News, when a reporter named Scott MacFarlane was asked what happened
MacFarlane said there was open speculation that a Braves-hating baker was responsible. Quite a few Nationals and Phillies fans work there.
My how far the Metropolitans have fallen...even the hicks have forgotten us. They are naming their little hillbilly sons and daughters/wives "Citizen's Bank," I guess.


Don't look now, but Milledge just pulled a Timo. Poor kid just can't catch a break. For some reason, the PNC Park fireworks operator was quick on the draw and confused the Mets ex-savior/villain/trade bait, who heard music and saw fireworks, thought he just jacked a 3 run bomb, but was tagged out lamely between 2nd and 3rd. It was a sign of maturity that Lastings didn't slap fans hands on his way back to the dugout.

Running of the Beltrans?

Saturday marked the 100th game in the past two seasons that Carlos Beltran has missed.  Rumor has it that he'll try and run on Monday, so brace yourselves for some possibly bad news.

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Sunday, May 09, 2010

Where in the World is Ollie? A Tribute to the Mets Albatros Headcase Pitcher


 Is that him?

is he taking a rest?

is he hanging out with the wrong crowd?
is he pondering some sage words?

The verdict is in.  Oliver Perez never learned the meringue.  If only this exchange from the SNY telecast of the Mets-Giants game (as Oliver Perez finished his 3.1 innings and 7 walk performance) was the final word on Perez's Met career.
Gary: "97 pitches with one out in the fourth. You know how hard that is to do?"
Keith: "You know how hard that is to watch?
Perez is so baffling, the mystical mumblings of ex-Met pitching guru Rick Peterson almost make sense:
“When you look at what his plan was, there was no plan," …"There was no recipe. There was no map. The first question is, 'Where do you want to go? And where did you come from?' Then you lay out a plan and help them understand that. Not only was [Perez] lost, but he was driving in the wrong lane. He thought he was in England. We're driving in the right lane. "It became a simple thing because he got it very quickly. Just like if you're lost and someone gives you directions, all of the sudden you go down a quarter of a mile, make a right and go, 'Jeez, I know exactly where I am.' [Rick Peterson on Oliver Perez’s struggles as a Pirate]
"Do you like to dance?"…"Yes," Perez answered. "Well, right now you are doing the waltz, you need to be doing the meringue," Peterson explained. [Peterson explaining the secret of success to Oliver Perez]

2/2/09: Signed 3 year, $36M contract

2009: $12M

2010: $12M

2011: $12M

Today's game has been a cruel reminder that, although the emergence of enjoyable young players like Ike Davis and Jonathan Niese go a long way towards making this club watchable again, Mets baseball won't fully recover until Perez is exorcised from this club's roster.

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Mets Backstops Mota-vated to Walk Off Again
You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your baseball commissioner. 

I would have loved to see this game, if only to check on Johan Santana's health with my own two eyes. But here in California, I was again blacked out thanks to the criminal stylings of the MLB, which sold me the games after they sold Faux network the games.  Sounds kind of illegal right?  Like if you bought a car only to find that some other guy gets to drive it on the weekends.  Faux has secured the "rights" to all baseball before 7pm on Saturdays, for who knows how long.  As we have discussed here many times, no Saturday baseball for many of the MLB's most rabid fans--those who buy the "Extra" Innings cable package--is apparently part of MLB's business plan; while we mortals have a hard time seeing how denying fans the ability to see games that Faux is not even televising in their regions is good for baseball, the geniuses at MLB know better that we do. Why would fans want to see MLB's product on a Saturday, a day when many of us don't have to work?  So, once again, a hearty round of fuck you's to Bud Selig  for continuing to sell me a package of games under false pretenses, and Faux for Joe Buck and generally degrading the sport I love.  This is one of the many (non-Met related) reasons I do not purchase tickets to your corporation's games anymore, Bud. Enjoy the view of all those overpriced, empty seats behind home plates all over the league. May you lose a lot of money and die broke and unhappy in Milwaukee.
A couple of the many Mets Mota moments

On to the game.  Our old friend, the perpetually juiced Guillermo Mota, has finally done right by his former club.  Fernando Nieve and Pedro Feliciano took over the lead blowing duties of Blow Rod for a game.  Luckily their battery mates have been picking up the slack lately, and Henry Blanco was able to get a hold of one of Mota's juiceballs in the 11th inning and deliver the W.  So, no thanks to Jerry Manuel's Jerrible pitching changes or to the hitters 3-7 in the Mets order (one! hit), the replaceMets were able to steal another game from their series with the Giants.  While anything's possible, Sunday's Ollie vs. Lincecom matchup does not promise a slam dunk series sweep for the Mets; more likely, the Mets will Lincecom to a Sunday afternoon pounding.

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Saturday, May 08, 2010

A Tale of Two at Citi: It was the Worst of Rods, it was the Best of Rods!!
 One these guys makes too little money.

By the heavens, Blow Rod is an unimpressive closer. Omar Minaya made a major blunder signing Frankie Rodriguez to that money and those years.  That seems to be the message sent from above and reinforced with his every appearance, with every violent delivery, every lead he endangers, with every free pass he issues. To be more positive, there were lots of heroes in this game: Luis Castillo ranged into left field to stop the Giants from going ahead.  Ike put on a clinic at the plate, in the yard, and over the dugout railing. And it was nice to see Pelf help himself to a rebound outing.  But, as Fat Benjie watched from the opposing dugout, hero-number-one Good Rod Barajas came through to clean up his battery mate, Bad Rod's mess. It was nice to see the Mets walk off instead of get walked over for once.

Stick to your Guns Mets fans


The Wall Street Journal , for reasons hard to fathom, has spent some money in an effort to differentiate NY area Yankees and Mets fans.  The easy reaction is, since there is no metric for front-running douche-bags, the WSJ fails to capture this dynamic in a meaningful way.  According to the survey, we pay more attention to the Mets than our fair weather brethren.   And, male Mets fans (supposedly we'll hear more about female Mets fans in a subsequent installment) drink more and are more heavily armed than Yankers fans.  The survey and commentary was a little unfair.  So people on the terrorist watch list can buy guns but fans on perpetual suicide watch can't own them? Also, just how are we supposed to defend ourselves from Yankees fans? The survey needs to broaden its scope, since the Mets are quickly becoming America's team.

Meanwhile, the third rail of Mets fandom, the contributions of Carlos Beltran, is used as the centerpiece of Scott Forman's latest attempt in the New York Times to mainstream "advanced" baseball metrics. Fans underwhelmed by long-injured Beltran who once hit like 8 homers in the playoffs for the Astros vs. internet WAR-riors, communities devoted to the wonder of Beltran and dedicated to dismissing the unwashed masses' complaints as overreactions to a few high profile failures (swing, Carlos, swing, slide, Carlos, slide!).  One wonders if this debate may be moot soon, since Beltran realistically may never take the field again in blue and orange. It doesn't really sound like he'd be a shadow of his former self in the outfield with his knees.  Depending who you believe, Beltran is headed for micro-fracture surgery or a heroic return to lead the team to wild card glory while more importantly banishing Gary "Dishonorable Discharge" Matthews Jr. to DFA land. It's cold comfort, but as Forman concludes,
even if Beltran never sees the field again, he still would have been paid $4.5 million for each win, which is not a bargain, but also not a gross overpay.

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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Mets Nixed: Let the 2010 MRIs begin!!
The Reds didn't need guys like this to dispose of the Mets in extras.

There is always something pathetic about losing to the Reds.  Then again, Reds fans probably say the same thing about the Mets.  New fan fave Manny Acosta (aka Acosta "da ball game") gave up a pinch-hit, walk-off homer to Laynce Nix in the bottom of the 11th, but that's not important.  Oliver Perez kept himself in the game somehow. Ike played the supporting goat with key failures late in the game. I'm not even sure Jason Bay played, though his name is in the box score. Maybe it was a Canadian holiday. But who cares, you know?

Big Pelf looks headed for the shelf.  He says it's no big deal, but we know better. The Mets sent him back to NY for "precautionary MRI" on his tight right shoulder to be followed by, if the pattern holds, precautionary assignment to the DL, announcement of Pelfrey status being downgraded to done for the year, the amputation of his arm, and the long road to learning to pitch with his left arm and tie his shoes with his tongue.  The coming tragedy can be expressed thus:
...before giving up six runs in four innings to the Phillies on Saturday and snapping a 27-inning scoreless streak, Pelfrey was leading the Majors with a 0.69 ERA through four starts and one relief appearance. Counting his last start, he is 4-1 with a 2.40 ERA.
I believe the Pelfrey announcement has been made so we can brace ourselves for the coming Johan Santana announcement.  Oh well, Jonathan Niese's hamstrings are still connected.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Metastrophe! Everyone Messes with the Johan
 The Philmes knock the Mets out again. Unfortunately no one called it off after the 4th.

Seasoned Metz fans had to feel this one coming...

Mets in first place, fans feeling good about themselves for once. Check.
Hated division rival. Check
Supposedly lopsided pitching match-up in Metz favor. Check.
Nationally televised game. Check
Chucklehead announcers. Check.

So, although it hurt like the bejesus, we can't say we didn't see this Metz style massacre coming.  Mets fans were getting too hopeful, too happy.  Even watching Mike "Bats in my" Pelfrey run into some bad luck in the game previous didn't really dampen our enthusiasm--hell, we could take a series and remain in first place just a bit longer if we won this game.  And that's when the Mets like to stick it to us.  Spotted three runs from the Jamie Moyer batting practice in the top of the first, staff ace Johan Santana started giving up the long ball and didn't stop bumbling his way through the game until he had walked a run in, unable to face down a pitcher who is literally as old as the Mets franchise.  Then came the grand slamming.  Amidst the Victorino sponsored devastation,  it is cold comfort that Jamie Moyer still hasn't taken Mets pitching yard (whaddabum), though he did add a rbi and a basehit to his ancient resume. If you asked me who I'd rather send to the plate in a pinch, Jamie Moyer or Gary "Dishonorable Discharge" Matthews Jr., I would astound you with the speed of my reply.

I haven't read the job description in a while, but a team's ace "stopper" is supposed to come in and keep the team in first, boost their morale, and ease their minds.  That is not what Santana did last night. Johan is hurt. Johan is still recovering. Johan is in sharp decline. I dunno what the truth is, but after this performance all of those hypotheses could be examined. What I do know is that if we haven't already, we've now certainly seen the first major disaster of the 2010 season. Despite the recent success, this Mets team is still not a very good one, and they are in the Philme's league only in name.


This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.