It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The FOREST for the TREES: Post the 500th

To: Omar Minaya, NY Mets GM
RE: From Joe "Corpse" Torre's new book:

Remember the story about Carlos Beltrán’s willingness to take a major discount to play for the Yankees instead of the Mets? Joe Torre tells why: “Beltrán wanted to come to us, so he could hide among the trees. Nobody wants to be that guy to lead.”

Need more trees Omar. Start in left field.


Carlos Beltran: "I never work in my life. "

Hmm. Now that you understand him a bit more, are hungry for more inside dirt on how the Mets free swinging centerfielder sees things? Beltran was interviewed, apparently by a 3rd grader, on SNY's website back in the good old days. Here's excerpts:

SNY: What's your favorite food?

Beltran: Rice, beans, pork chops, and plantains.

SNY: What was your first car?

Beltran: BMW.

SNY: Other than baseball, what was your first job?

Beltran: I never work in my life.

SNY: In your cd-player/ipod, what songs are you listening to? What songs are your favorite?

Beltran: Religious music. Christian music.

SNY: What's the best thing about New York?

Beltran: It's always fun.

SNY: Something most people don't know about you?

Beltran: I'm a nice guy.

SNY: If you could take one thing with you to a deserted island, what would it be?

Beltran: My wife.

SNY: Who's the nicest guy on the team?

Beltran: Can't say one.

SNY: Who's the best tipper?

Beltran: I usually eat by myself, but when I go with the young guys, I need to take care of them, so I tip.

SNY: Who's the most superstitious?

Beltran: Victor Zambrano. He has the same routine every time he has success.

SNY: Who's the best dresser?

Beltran: Gotta say me. I dress well. Also Floyd.

SNY: Who's the worst dresser?

Beltran: Gotta say Lima, he dresses funny.


As for the Mets, it's beginning to look a lot like we fans will be going into the season...discontented. Per Metsblarg, they're taking to the streets for Manny; I'm no activist, and the country is in the shitter, but that's a cause I could support. And Omar has time to pay attention, since now that Pedro's a turkey, Omar doesn't spend Thanksgiving or any other holidays with him anymore.

Mystery to Me/ Old Video Dept.

They actually DO pick out their own at-bat music. And I was wrong: Sandford and Son was not meant to reflect Cliff Floyd's physical condition.

The best i could do, on short notice.

At first glance, I thought the San Fransisco Giants, looking to get older, were entertaining an Edgardo Alphonso comeback. Turns out, Fonz is just trying out for the Yomiuri Giants in Japan.

In the Stock of laughing department...

The Mets are now being blamed for things they didn't do. Paul Lukas of ESPN's Queer Eye for the Sports Guy, fresh off calling the ShitiPatch "arguably the saddest, most pathetic design element ever slated to appear on a big league uniform," has this to say about the Ranger's new helmet:

"Like so many bad MLB ideas in recent years, this one can be traced to the Mets, who've been wearing their own two-tone helmet since 2006."

Far enough. From the article, I gather that the 1999 Mariners who started the trend of futuristic uniforms imagined that, in the future, they'd really suck and designed a uniform to reflect that. The Bud's MLB then took it to heart as they do with all bad ideas.

I think we can all agree they met their goals.

I'm just surprised Lukas didn't blame this on Joe McEwing.


Kirk Radomski is trying to drag Doc Gooden into the steroids fiasco. Doc's defense? He says that he's done enough bad things without being accused of things he hasn't done. I trust him, he's a doctor.


The logical end of ESPN's anti-Met agenda has arrived. Shitty baseball broadcasting is what it is. But now it's personal.


Let's hear it for me!

According to my robot overlords at the corporation that brought us the nearly useless Blogger software, this would be somewhere around my 501st post, so to all you mothers out there...Happy Birthday! To celebrate, I thought I'd item you to death with this post. Thanks for your support and the cash you send me occasionally.

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

"Get the Door, It's the Domino-like Mets"

There is little original thought coming through in the blargosphere lately, as signified by the great hubub over the Mets new commemorative patch, seen above. I don't plan on remedying this problem other than to note the subliminal message the Mets are sending (see the title of this post). But, if you need distraction from the horrors of the Mets' corporate-on-corporate sodomization (they are thrilled Citi allowed them to use orange!), here are a few exceptions:

Jaap is making the case for Randy Wolf, a "middle of the road nowhere man" over Ollie. I'm down with the blogable surname too. 

Leitch is commenting on the Mets again. Check it out, mediated by CSTB as it always should be.

Are you comfortable with the Mets offense counting on Wright, Reyes, and Beltran? That seems like a lot of pressure for an offense that seems addicted to late-season collapse. This team still needs an offensive re-boot and its freaking me out that nothing is being done.  If you missed it, here is my "insta-plan" for the rest of the Mets offseason spending:

With the money saved on inaugural patch design:

1. Sign Ben Sheets to short, incentive-laced deal , hold nose and give up draft pick(s), sign another retread for the rotation just in case
2. Sign Manny to what the market will bear, or get Adam Dunn for Chrissakes.
3. Find a diamond in the minor-league-rough catcher to "back up" and hopefully depose B-Schneid by midseason. his suckitude will be a 2009 sub-plot otherwise.
4. For shits and giggles, you could waive Castillo and sign Hudson.
5. Find another bat for bench (someone who can play first base?) and a reliever or two (a lefty?)

For a mere $40 mil or so, problems solved!


Is it fair to bust on the Mets for having a shitty sense of style when they have so many other problems (holes in the rotation and at the corner outfielding spots, question marks at second, catcher, rightfield and the bullpen, GM with no plan, Owner facing gigantic financial losses)?

To be fair, at least we should compare patches from other teams, no?

Here's the Br*ves' "In-Aw-Girl" Patch, as they spelled it, from the opening of Turner Field in 1997:

And the Washington Nationals' emblem from a couple years ago:

And here, finally, is the patch the Philadelphia club will be wearing this season.

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

I Need a Chuckle

Ugh. It's ugly out there.  I don't know whether to root against the Eagles because who wants that shit hole to get more glory, or to root for them as any Super Bowl related events would detract from the city of brotherly smug's baseball team. It's gotten so bad the Br*ves are competing with the Mets again, and we could end up with Ollie. How Lowe can we go?

Then the other night (last night?) I innocently switched on the new MLB channel only to find that instead of their usual info-commercial-length ads for the MLB channel, they were actually running content. That content was game 7 against the Cardinals, 9th inning. I watched, just in case it turned out differently. It didn't, and I almost wretched, but I have to say, Endy and the bottom of the order did their job that night.  And if Jose had lashed the ball just a bit more to the right-center gap well...blarg. Watching Uncle Cliffy return to have a word with Willie Wanker (now that we know Floyd said himself he shouldn't have been batting there) before marching up to the plate, down 3-1 with two men on and NO ONE OUT was even worse this time around.  No one still bunted.  Having two men on and no one out with the top of the lineup due up--just like the old miracle Mets for an instant--and then it all came crashing down and it has yet to get better.  Although I saw one redeeming thing I forgot...Beltran did swing at one of the pitches. In my memory, the bat never leaves his shoulder.  Anyhow, it was like watching a family member die. Thanks, MLB. After this week, I needed a pick me up. 

Chuckle #1

Beating a dead horse, perhaps. But. It. never. gets. old. 

Chuckle #2:
I got this from occasional reader and most likely devastated Giants fan Steven O.  He pulled it off the Mets website, of all places.  I have to assume they just reinforced the Hall of Fame's stage and want to test it with a max load.  Or it's the...

 prank ever?  Other than this of course...

hardee har har.

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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Happy Belated Birthday Derek Bell

Every year, I try to remember to post something a little special for D-Bell on December 11th, his birthday. He's one ex-Met we should never forget and I swore a holy oath that I would do my part to tend to his memory.  I really dropped the ball this year.  All this Putz stuff and I just forgot. Forgive me.

I don't know how he's taking Wilpon's slight, not being invited to Shea's closing ceremony and all, but I like to think he did his time in the joint, and was watching the whole thing from a house boat moored in Flushing Bay, being annoyed at Gary Carter just like everyone else.

They let demonstrably crazy Lenny Dykstra in, but they could find no love for D-Bell?

It ain't right.

Anyhow to honor the man, I recycle an old post. I know, lame. But it's funner than discussing the Mets signing of Tim Redding (I'm told he's a RHP? Really Helpful Pitcher? Runs Hitting Practice?). Sorry big guy, I won't let you down next year.


Today we honor the most hilarious Met ever. If you don't know whether to love him for his self-assured suckiness, the milestones he set for athlete entitlement, his house boat, crack smoking, or the way his tongue uttered the single most ridiculous thing an ex-Met ever said*, I say, why decide?


*In spring training 2002, while with the Pirates, Bell, who had hit .173 the previous season, did not feel that he needed to prove he was worthy of a starting job.

On March 18, Bell told reporters:

"Nobody told me I was in competition. If there is competition, somebody better let me know. If there is competition, they better eliminate me out of the race and go ahead and do what they're going to do with me. I ain't never hit in spring training and I never will. If it ain't settled with me out there, then they can trade me. I ain't going out there to hurt myself in spring training battling for a job. If it is [a competition], then I'm going into 'Operation Shutdown.' Tell them exactly what I said. I haven't competed for a job since 1991." 

Bell jumped the team on March 29, was released on March 31, and never played in the Majors again. The Pirates ended up paying him $4.5 million not to play for them.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sports columnist Mark Madden summarized the incident with "Derek Bell becomes the ultimate Pirate: Lives on a boat and steals money."

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.