Top Ten: Things Vice President Cheney muttered under his breath as he delivered the ceremonial first pitch

(in a grunting, snearing, evil voice)

10) Now I'M finally a "major league asshole." Big time.
9) My pitch location...undisclosed
8) this year's National's squad is making the Mother of all retreats in the standings.
7) Pitching isn't really my thing, I'm more of a spray hitter.
6) I would of hit Jose Guillen in the face.
5) Hmm at least when it comes to interviews, my sport is softball.
4) I knew I should have waited until I sobered up, now i feel like leaking, I mean, taking a leak
3) 3 hotdogs and crackerjacks, pulse racing ur ugh ugh. heart pills...
2) Simply stated, there is no doubt that my fast ball is a weapon of mass destruction.
1) Who's booing me? Go fuck yourself.