Off Day Time Waster: Even Rickey Can't Help Mets Win

As we like to joke, there is no way the Mets can lose today baby, so enjoy an undefeated Thursday! Forget for a day that the club just lost to a Baker, forget that we are headed for "meaningful games" territory. Forget that Rickey Ledee isn't a left fielder, but he did stay in a Holiday Inn last night. Think about how many games the team would have won in June if games were 4 innings instead of 9. If you're an optimist, think about how there is a whole lot of winning to come, cause there can't be too much more losing left in this squad.

SNY's cameras caught Mr. Randolph pointing across the field as the game ended in miserable defeat, as though to say "good job,""you the man," or "you got me." What was Willie pointing at? Some of the funnier answers in last night's chat included "calling a cab." Did he think the Mets won? Or was he challenging the Twins to "double or nothing"? Was he playing "pull my finger" with Ron Gardenheir? It made him look clueless, in an amusing way, though I can't say the same for his post-game comments. For a guy who doesn't like to lose, he's sure taking it pretty well.

Alyssa Milano seems pretty cool in this article. Then we remember how she never got back to me.

More importantly, ca$h paid for pictures of the shirt Rickey Henderson wore to the game tonight! I need to know I wasn't dreaming.

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Don't worry too much. According to cuddly teddy bear Mets beat reporter Marty Noble, Rickey is in the house, to tutor "Rey" and to "Give 'em a boost with my special lucky charms."

Ok, fair enough. But then it just gets wonderfully strange, as you had to know it would:

"Back in the day," Henderson said, "I had something that I would rub when we got into a funk. And they thought I lost my mind."

Um, I don't think masterbation is the cure here Rickey; the players may shave each other, piss on each other in the shower, and slap each others' butts, but I think they draw the line somewhere. But how blessed my favorite franchise is to have Rickey in our family. He could be toiling away for one of the other 300 teams he played for, but he prefers to wax inane in the orange and blue. This might read a bit sarcastic, but I am 100 percent serious.

Rickey is back to give Jose Rey some pointers:

"I told him, the other guys don't have to look at no home run. Make them look at you. This is your club. When things go bad, you've got to create. I told him he has to make some 'Rickey runs.' ... You know, runs when you get no hits -- a walk, a steal, an out and you score."

By all reports, Rickey was able to contain himself upon seeing Rickey Ledee in the Mets outfield.

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Top Ten Things the Mets Could Do to End the Slump

10.closed door meeting, open faced sandwiches for everyone!
9. ritual Schoeneweis sacrifice
8. tell team in no uncertain terms to get man on
7. trade for Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano
6. beat the living shit out of the post game buffet
5. swing at first pitch, pop up...wait no that's Carlos Beltran's walk off win strategy!
4. sign Rickey Henderson
3. purchase, destroy all copies of last week's Sports Illustrated
2. continue secret payments to atlanta, philadelphia franchises
1. hire Wallace Matthews as hitting instructor

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Getting psyched for Friday's game? Here, let Marty "Happy on the inside Clown" Noble introduce the matchups:

"Having lost the eight most recent games in which they were been opposed by a left-handed starter, the Mets on Friday face lefty Lenny DiNardo...

WAIT wait. Cut. Don't read the rest.