It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Stick This In the Mets

Hopefully some of you with short memories who pined for Brian Stokes and railed at the injustice of Jerry burying him in the pen now remember .

When Brian Schneider is your offense you're in trouble.
When the only pleasure you deliver is Castillo's smile as he uses two hands to catch pop ups you're in trouble.

Why wait for Delgado, Reyes, and Maine to come back when all of them had marginal impacts? This was a pretty frustrating team before it became a lousy frustrating team.

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Yankees 4 Mets 2


(wait for it...)


Friday, June 26, 2009

Choking Mets Choke It All Over the Choking Place
We already know which of these two fellas has the deeper voice, but which guy has the better arm?

Think I'm being too harsh? After all, these replaceMets can hardly be expected to keep up with the mighty Yankee$, right? Why am I playing the choke card now, when they haven't even begun to wheeze and gag?

It's the way that they do it. When the Mets fall apart with shitty pitching and multiple errors, that's called Mets baseball. When they completely fall apart in abnormally humiliating clusterfuck fashion, they must be playing the Yankees. When the umps get in the act (you call that an infield fly rule?) well, that's history baby. First base chUmpire Chris Guccioni's back pocket must have been nice and plump with the envelope of cash the Yankers gave him (a bad investment, given the Mets preference to give runs away for free) for senselessly ringing up Mets who actually might have gotten on against Sabathia.

I hate that they get all nervous, instead of taking their lumps with quiet dignity. Wright yips it up. Cora throws away a double play ball. Evans invents a new error, the first base bobble-de-fuck. Pelfrey gives it up to the pitcher and the Spanks bat around. Sure, Pelfrey got dinked to death in the 2nd, but I excuse myself for being disgusted at Pelfrey for giving up a hit to the pitcher. Pelf doesn't seem to be learning to pitch. I'm fed up. Lose with integrity, you bozos!!

More random bitching.

Darling talked about how Pelfrey doesn't use his secondary pitches early and then pays for it when hitters sit on his sinker. Predictable Pelfrey. What is it that Dan Warthen does again?


The Mets are admitting that Oliver Perez' knee is no longer a problem. That seems like a dumb move. There's pain in the John Maine--Perez plays with no Braainn!

I spent most of the game trying to decide who had oranger skin and/or less likable personality, Alex Rodriguez or his new lady, Kate Hudson, who was watching from the (empty) expensive seats. I came to no conclusions.

In what is certainly not a scoop, Scoop Jackson is urging Pedro to call it quits permanently.

During the part of the SNY broadcast I was awake for, Keith called Cowbell Man "the guy that makes all that racket." I'm with Mex, the Won'tpons (as Jdon calls them) did something right if they designed $itifield so as to make this nuisance's presence less palpable... Keith then yawned while Ron explained pitching grips in the 6th. He just does or says whatever he wants and it's charming, kind of like a mustached IMFM.

The Yankers are definitely inviting the Mets to their next birthday party. Struggling for runs? Get healthy against the Mutts! Professional baseball players know that every team has a bad day and are probably pretty empathetic when they beat the crap out of the other guys, but you just know you can add the Spankers to the list of teams that knows it is "in the Mets heads." That list is headed by the Philmes and the Fish. Coincidentally, this list--of who the Mets can't seem to get up for playing--contains most of Metsfans most hated Met enemies. That's the kind of team we have.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mets Let Cards Fall Where They May
Mets bat boy Timmy Smith was put on the DL last night after an MRI revealed 'towel knee.'

What explains Fernando Nieve's recent pitching successes? Nieve says he has given up thinking. This is similar to the approach Omar Minaya takes when he designs his teams, so we might have a marriage made in heaven in ol' Metsland. I really don't know how to interpret Nieve. I guess he's like a Figueroa with stuff. But whoever he is, Nieve is already bringing back warm memories of Jorge Sosa. He cannot yet be counted among Omar's blunders, that's for sure.
Noble ballplayer saves child, pulls tyke from the clutches of child-eater Yadier Molina.

It's almost certain the Phils are losing in order to mess with us for one more year, so we Mets fans really need to avoid any feelings of confidence or hope; it will just hurt more later. Thanks to this Phoney Phutility, since being made to walk the plank by the Pirates "the Mets have lost 10 of 17 - and have picked up a game and a half in the standings." With Beltran DL'd for an undisclosed period of time and Gary Sheffield probably about to turn back into a pumpkin, this may be the best we can hope for: the "Argenis All-Stars" scrub it out and hope for reinforceMets that probably aren't on their way. As our friend Jaap puts it,"this Mets team is in a weird sort of way, a team to be proud of." On improbable nights like last night, that is pretty close to the truth. Yet even this is difficult to enjoy, since many of us are already worried that the failures of 2009 will be chalked up to no more than injuries, and Minaya will learn nada from his mistakes.

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Minaya Now Concerned the Mets Won't Be Able to Field Next Year's WBC Team

You don't really love your team 'til you take in a game during the interminable wait first to see a doc in the emergency room, and later the hospital bed itself. That's where I watched last night's game from. Taking mild chest pains to the ER is always a tough call, but when I saw last night's line-up I figured I wouldn't be missing much. But damn my luck when I discovered (in the waiting room) that ESPN was broadcasting the game. It gets better. LA's Cedars-Sinai hospital (highly recommended by the way) has monitors next to the beds. I was forced to turn it on and watch!

A few jokes with the nurses about the trauma ward being the appropriate place to take in a Mets game and away I went. After a battery of tests and a more or less clean bill of health, watching Yadier Molina in obvious pain was like an adult lolly-pop.
Tim Redding went 7 heroic innings, then fled into the mountains after he was wrongly accused of murder.

Those, according to the MLB, were the gutsy Mets we saw last night. Grizzly Tim Redding wasn't as bad as he looks and spared the bullpen for the most part. Headed to the pen or worse the second the Mets get any pitcher back, Redding might want to consider hiding implements in his beard with which to scuff the ball. The goats ran wild last night, with Murph, Castillo, and Santos with 9 hits, countless runs and even some flashy leather. The word is getting out that Santos=Magic.


More music to our ears, Minaya saying "Maine likely, Oliver not likely." Oliver Perez, The Setback Prince.

As Britton and Noble report, the annual Met-in-traffic accident has occurred.

[Jose Reyes] and trainer Ray Ramirez were headed to Manhattan to have Reyes' troublesome right knee examined. Their car was rear-ended by a fire truck. ...


PS. Hey Marty "Pants" Noble, where'd you come up with "Replace-Mets"? Pretty clever. I don't answer your mailbags. Don't worry, I'll let it slide this time. I'll even quote your article:

"But we can deal with this. We're not as bad as people think we are," Cora said. "We're not bad. Don't feel sorry for the Metropolitans."


Monday, June 22, 2009

Stink Pen: Parnell and Pals Parlay Another Possible Mets Win into Painful Pounding
"To all you fathers out there... avert your eyes...the Mets are on and they are unwatchable"

How bad is it?

So bad that Greg over at FAFIF is "beginning to think Brian Schneider deserves to be traded to a contender." I think that's apt, and I would add that, if the Mets stars weren't all injured or about to be injured, some of them should be demanding trades. It seems that only football stars "demand" trades anymore; perhaps baseball players realize they are paid so well for what is a relative easy job that it doesn't cross their minds. As it is, Sterling will soon be sending out emails urging fans to come out on "MRI-Monday" to take in a spectacle of the Mets as they attempt a variety of replacement-level heroics.

Which reminds me, it's that time again: someone needs to go down and make sure Oliver Perez doesn't get too healthy if you know what I mean.

No one can fault you if you find the Mets recent bullpen problems somewhat of a shock. After all, the Mets GM did spend his winter fixing the pen up oh so nice, trading for an injured set-up man and acquiring a demonstrative setter of records. That's what I was told. The aging and impotent offense, which Omar purposefully did nothing about, is not such a surprise. Those two facets of this lovely club combined once again to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on Father's Day of all days.

Perhaps the baseball gods punished us all for SNY's sin of not having Ralph Kiner in the booth on Fathers Day to wish all Mothers a Happy Easter or something.

Towards the end of this game, I suddenly realized why I only see those ads for TEXT 542 542 on Mets broadcasts. This is the absurd company selling answers in the age of the iPhone. But their plan must be to entice us to ask the kinds of eternal question we just can't google away: “Why are the Mets so terrible?”


Imagine my surprise when my phone rang during today's rain delay and I saw this. Believe me, they have no reason to call me. I have never purchased tickets to the Ted Turner Terrordome even to see the Mets. I wouldn't set foot in Atlanta unless chased there. Unless...the Br*ves are watching the Mets play and, temporarily unable to compete on the ballfield, are now calling us individually to mock us. Or recruit us?

Tatis, as I predicted when Omar resigned him, is no more than a warm body. Nice guy, but obviously wasn't going to be playing better or as good as he did last year. However, he has made one admirable contribution to the Mets atmosphere this year.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Life, the Sports Media, and Everything
"Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes..."

Can anyone be a sports journalist?

The comments section from my last post led me to think some more about Jeff Pearlman's question, why we hate sportswriters. Readers had some good ones in my comments section, to add to the opinions on Pearlman's post. Lazy moralizing. Rehashed, automated content. Boo-ya bluster. Poor judgment as to what is and is not a story, including the practice of taking themselves as the story. Here's my one cent.

The decline of sports journalism is a complicated picture. I am a newspaper lover. And those guys are all fighting for their lives in a decaying industry. Most cities only have one newspaper and I imagine the personnel at sports desks, like all other bureaus, has been whittled down to the skeleton of reporters it takes the publishers to gesture at adequate coverage the sports world. So they are trying to do more with less, in addition to the stress of deadlines. To some extent, they are to blame for being unable to reinvent themselves in the face of the interweb challenge. But we all will lose when sports journalism finally collapses. What happened?

ESPN happened.
Fox happened.
Comment sections happened.
Jock journalism happened.

As the newspaper industry dies, less energy and resources have been put into hiring and grooming competent reporters. And the immediacy of technology makes publications feel stale when they hit the stands. Who reads sports weekly magazines anymore? The attempt to keep up leads to cutting corners and lazy journalism. Thus we get phantom stories, the dubious reduction of sports success to character and grit, and easy moralizing that James hates.

There are few recognizable personalities in the sports reporting biz, and those that gain notoriety seem to be those that grope an intern or become known for spouting inanities. There are also few compelling writers out there who present a memorable personality, whether likable or not. A guy who still pulls this off, more or less, is TJ Simmers in Los Angeles who seems determined to alienate players and his audience at all costs. I hate the Lakers, so despite the shtick, I still get value from the Sports Guy. In college, I read a lot of the Boston Globe, now in the process of going under, and they had a stable of men and women, who, though they occasionally went off the rails, provided Boston's vibrant and competitive sports environment with worthy columns. On the other hand, Wallace Matthews is an example of the total failure of the effort to develop a recognizable personality or insightful perspective.
In lieu of this tedious essay I could have been lazy and just posted this picture with some cuss words.

On the broadcast side, there are also few compelling personalities left. Someone told these guys that being a"personality"had nothing to do with insight. So we have the obligatory ex-jocks, some of them truly idiots, manning every station. My biggest gripe is that almost all broadcasters mail it in. I can't believe that with the backing of what must be an immense production assistance staff,none of them seem to have bothered to PREPARE for a broadcast any more than the viewer has. Thus we get lowest common denominator bullshit, no historical perspective, no meaningful interactions with players,etc. And I can't think of a single sportswriter or broadcaster who can or would bother to put some newer ways of understanding the game, such as PECOTA,or VORP, RUNT, UNCLE or any of the new statistics in context for viewers. They just put on the sportscoat, slick back their hair and mike up. It's totally insulting, especially since there is a "demand" and a "market" for informed and illuminating commentary. What fan doesn't want to learn about the game, or their team's history? Or anything?

I used to learn a lot from what is now the glassy-eyed corpse of Tim McCarver, and I occasionally get that from SNY, when they don't have it on autopilot. I suppose I should really blame the producers of these shows. But the networks and leagues (who work together on the actual broadcasts) seem to have no interest in what we want; they see demand as inelastic and viewers as captive audiences whose preferences are meaningless unless they ratify the status quo. Fans is short for "fanatics" after all. It's true that we fans are not always able to aggregate our demands effectively. For instance, Major League Baseball has taken advantage of the out-of-market demand for baseball, but still doesn't let its most ardent fans see most daytime Saturday games because they sold them to Fox before they sold them to us as part of their "Extra Innings" package. It is often frustrating to wait until enough of us fans vote with our pocketbooks. Perhaps the empty $3000 seats at Citi and Yankee Stadium we see every night on TV are a harbinger.

So the networks and leagues stand ex-jocks up in front of us, and occasionally ex-GMs. But just because you played or managed the game doesn't necessarily mean you have any ability to get insights across, or transcend mere entertainment to enlighten us. Charles Barkley is entertaining, but is he insightful? He's not even coherent. I say give the mic back to the little runt who never was good enough to play, so he or she dedicated their geeky existence to learning everything else about the game in order to "prove" themselves. I find even the average, lowest common denominator football broadcast teaches more about the game than most baseball broadcasts.

As for bloggers vs. the old guard controversies, there is overreaction on both sides. Journalists are fighting for their very lives, and it must be galling to be replaced by a wave of more or less unschooled people working for free; I think some vocal bloggers have no clue about this dynamic. Perhaps Buzz Bissenger is a horse f*cker. But just where is the high ground, my fellow blolleagues? Even the most sophisticated bloggers seem quick to take offense at the anti-blog mutterings of cranky old salts, mostly because of an exaggerated sense of accomplishment. That's why I like to call blogs electronic diaries. We really get full of ourselves sometimes.

Sportswriters must be asking themselves what the hell they could have done to save their profession. But, like the American car industry, they have shot themselves in the foot, and are now unable to complete with Joey from Queens in his moms basement. Though many of them uselessly regurgitate, even the worst blogs pay attention to every detail, making *extreme* 24 hrs/day fandom the norm, and opening up everything for discussion. And they do all the labor as a hobby! Just remember a few years ago when we were all content to read about the game in the paper the next day.

When I was a kid, we were encouraged to read Sports Illustrated because the writing was so good, and librarians figured that at least it would get you to read. I see the generalist, the writer who can competently write across teams and sports, going extinct. If you don't think that's coming, read one of Will Leitch's tone-deaf columns about the Mets, not his team. Blogging doesn't seem to easily translate to a wider view, unless you factor "hottest sideline reporters" into the equation.
RIP good fellow.

There is plenty of room for professional and amateur sportswriting, but now we just have a big scrum of mostly insight-less bandwidth wasting. I really worry about getting my news from an un-credentialed, untrained, ultimately unaccountable source, but like everyone else, more and more I do it anyway. To survive, "establishment" sportswriters in the print media just need to do better and offer a competitive product to the one Larry in Yonkers produces for free. I am less certain about what can be done with the televised sports-entertainment complex. I think that taking a longer view, volunteer journalism is not enough, and it would be best to preserve an institution with traditional reporting, editing, and accountability. So yes, reporters who feel threatened and lash out end up looking silly. But what happens if blogging turns out to be something of a fad, and we eviscerated the whole institution of sports journalism? What happens when mom's basement floods and all the interweb tubes are cracked?

Mets Be-Deviled by the Rays.
Greta Van Susteren stopped by the Fux Booth during Saturday's game. Apparently gnawing on what's left of the bones of Joe Buck, she stole Tim McCarver's soul and mercifully left before she was tempted to eat his heart on live television, which would have scared some, not all, of the Fux audience.

Saturday was a painful game for the Mets, even losing to a good team. This! This is the game that Faux decided to let us West Coasters see? Greta Van Susteren in the booth? I didn't even know she could leave the crypt during daylight hours. The good news is that Santana looked fine, and for once, the pen didn't blow the lead he handed them. But the awfulfence showed up again. Having your best hitters up in the 9th is cold comfort when you have such a streaky bunch. David Wright looks like he is going out of phase, and struck out lamely on a pitch that appeared to bounce off the plate to end the game with Beltran on board down 3-1. I mean we know you're going cold Davy-pants, but I swear that ball bounced on the plate! It bounced!! Beltran himself, like Shefield, is rumored to be in need of medical attention. The whole thing was made more painful by an hour and something rain delay, and less than successful appearances by Bobby Parnell and Sean Green. It's hard for me to be right all the time, but I am, and Omar will probably have to make a move to acquire a bat, costing players and treasure, when he could have done it this winter for mere money. The Philmes can't believe their luck, and plan to lose 17 out of their next 20 just to experiment.

Hall Pass for Cheaters?

Cooperstown bound?

Would you change your position on steroid users and the Hall of Fame if you knew that Mickey Mantle, Hank Aaron, Sandy Koufax, and maybe even Willy Mays were all on drugs or some illegal substances? That's the case Zev Chafets is making, to let the roiders into Cooperstown, in the New York Times on Saturday. One of the points behind Chafets' argument is that keeping roiders out basically wipes out an entire generation of players. If the public and major league baseball ever come to accept Chafets' position as basically right, it will take some time to adjust. Sure they can continue to penalize current players for using known ban substances. But some are sure to ask, what is to prevent a "race to the bottom" sort of competition to see who can cheat the most without getting caught?

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Ray of Hope? Down To Only Two Fernando's, Nieve's Reprieve Gives Mets what they Need
Brian Schneider's homerun, pictured above, gave the Mets another early lead to squander.

The Mets overcame another mildly upsetting bullpen run giveback special from Bobby Parnell to defeat the reeling Rays. Parnell wasn't too hot, but the rest of the pen delivered smooth sailing to go with home run power of those guys Omar got for Lastings Milledge. It was easy being (Sean) Green again tonight, and you have to wonder whether some pumpkins aren't turning into princesses. Exhibit A: Fernando Nieve gave Omar another reprieve with a solid performance through six. I don't know if the Mets can take this series and close in on the Phlailing Phillies, even with the Great Santana going tomorrow. All I know is, someone needs to feed Marty "Pants" Noble before he writes up his game wraps.

FMart was sent down before the game so that Everlovin' Nick Evans could come up, flail away, and look overmatched in his place. I don't really see the point, other than to get F' some seasoning.

Another bad Endy. Endy Chavez was injured last night in an outfield collision. Hope it's not too serious, but it looked that way.

For all you Joe Buck haters (and by that I mean all women, men, and children of sound mind), if you haven't heard Artie Lange's appearance on Buck's attempt at the HBO Costas show, check it out. The internet extra can be seen here. Lang is not normally my cup of tea, but to watch Buck so thoroughly get hoisted up a flag pole by his underwear is rather enjoyable. Jeff Pearlman has some commentary.

Pearlman is blogging up a storm. In a recent post he asks, why do sports fans hate sportswriters these days? Having written much on this topic and gotten to the post a little late, I didn't put my two cents in. But the post and the comments it elicits are interesting reading in any event.

Everyone has a blog. On his baseball blog, Keith Olbermann explores the possibility of a Johan Santana injury. Where do these people find the time for this?

Friday, June 19, 2009

June Swoon Continues: Birds Kill Mets Twice with Same Stone or something

There must be 50 ways to lose a ballgame...

Just lay down a bunt, Runt
Go in with no plan, Stan
You don't need two hands, man
Just get yourself a loss

Walk the ballpark, Mark
Balk in the run, Hon'
You don't need to score runs much
Just wave the white flag, Tad
and get yourself another loss

Just miss the third sack, Mack
pinch hit a bum, Tom
You don't need a backstop, Pop
just wait til next year

Trade for a Putz, Toots
Don't add an offseason offensive piece, Reese
and lose the NL East
Thank god Paul Simon isn't alive to see this one.

The Mets are the Vasco da Gama of losing. Just when you think the earth is flat, these chumps discover entire new continents of failure. Alright, I'm not certain I remember what de Gama discovered, but his name sounds cool. The point is, now that their two pitching stars have shit the bed, nothing is impossible for these Mets. Not flubbing pop ups or easy flies, not pulling shitty pitching out of nowhere, not even missing third base! Watch them for any amount of time and you'll understand next year's motto (wait for it): The New York Mets: You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

Ok, I'm out of bad analogies, and I am jazzing up a relativity pedestrian tough loss here, but Frank the Closer has become Frank the Blower. Rodriguez earned every inch of his first, non-Castillo aided blown save, and he got the 'L' to boot. And no, Jerry couldn't have pulled K-Rod when it was clear he didn't have any command because...because. Now that everyone on the team has let us down for at least a game, we can relax a little.

Otherwise, nothing to be upbeat about, seeing as this series was for the Birds. The O's walked off all over the Mets. At least Aubrey Huff's agent won't have to send an audition tape over before Omar sends the Mets few remaining prospects to Baltimore for the guy.


Read this and you might come away thinking the Mets could do worse than throw a lot of money at Jason Bay this off-season. Hell, if the Rays don't pick up Scott K*zmir's option in 2012, let's get the whole band back together!!


Thursday, June 18, 2009

O No! Mets Can't Even Beat the Orioles!

Aubrey Huff's and Puffs and Blows the Mets Down

What can we say? You can't start Tim Redding and just expect to win games, though minus the return of Pedreadful tonight, the Mets still had a shot because to lose, they'd have to be more dreadful than the Baltimore Orioles. (You could start Noel Redding and expect something pretty cool though.) Done and done!! The Shmets blew a Philmes loss-aided opportunity to move up another game, but what Met fan really thinks that matters at this point? After two consecutive collapsathons, I have no problem with staying in second place as long as possible, really. I am not just saying that to be interesting. Do you want the Mets in first?

Some ruminations:

Pedreadful has been fine this year, and even the most supposedly sophisticated fanboys are treating him as though he had always been this way. Mets fans really have short memories. While I don't mind if he is actually successful in his role for a while, his smoke and mirrors show doesn't fool me, and I still can't wait til the end of his contract. He shook off Schneider's call so he could deliver that deciding meatball to Huff--seems really familiar to me.

The Mets coaches are so pathetic that Jim Palmer had to take Mike Pelfrey aside and tell him how to pitch. That's how I read it, anyway.
"Hey, is Mike around?"

Matt Wieters' home run looked Endy-able to me, and it would've been nice to see Fmart make a more spirited attempt at robbing it, so I could pretend he was all that. His signature play is still the "I forgot to run it out" play until he replaces it in our memory banks with something good.

Beltran and Wright were masters of building up tension in the 9th, hacking away at the first pitch the both of them, and with a man on base and the opportunity to tie the game. Who knows if I'm right, but the way I see it, these two at-bats weren't overly professional. I dunno, see some pitches maybe get that guy over from second. Balk, passed ball, who knows? Nah...Just hack away, fellas! The both of yous, as though you can't see what the other just did. Who cares if your team wins, its time for crabcakes!

Two Reasons for Optimism?
I still can't believe it about that cat--that it wasn't black.

2010 Bobby V. Returns to the Mets? The media is starting with that familiar Bobby V content.

2012 Pujols becomes a Met? That's right, Leitch thinks King Albert might be a goner a mere 2-3 seasons from now. Say goodbye to futility when future Met GM Gary Carter pays a Thanksgiving visit to Albert's home and signs the arrogant bastard to a contract that takes him well into his hip operation years.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Los Angeles Mets Fans Unite!!

Face it, East Coasters, it's easy for you to support your team--games are on basic cable, regional media abounds, coverage of the Mets is more comprehensive, and John Franco probably swims at your local Y. All the NY area blogs get together and do fun stuff, like special Mets-togethers and painting each others' faces orange and blue, I imagine. The West Coast, on the other hand, gets a bum deal in the Mets blogosphere. Very few blogs pay any attention whatsoever to Left Coast Mets fans. Gary Cohen doesn't give a sh*t about us. Ralph Kiner has never even been to Amoeba Records.
A typical LA citizen ponders the many area attractions he could visit.

Yes, though the climate is more humane and the people are more attractive, we transplanted Mets fans face a lonely struggle in Tinseltown. Citifield is a long way away, games start at 10 AM or 4PM, and cable bills are high. Plus Dodgers fans get more obnoxious every year, even when provided with a constant supply of beachballs and iPhones to play with. Laker fans are even allowed to run around free here.

But California is more than just the state that the Mets visit when they want to fire their manager or get swept! It is also home to one of the finest Mets viewing organizations in history. So if you're a Los Angeles area Metfan or you're just passing through on business, your troubles are over and you have a home away from home. The Greater Los Angeles New York Mets Fans Sports Bar Club may not roll off the tongue, but its there for you when you need it. In fact, every Sunday for a season and a half (and some other nights), the GLANYMFSBC meets to enjoy or at least endure the performance of our beloved muddlers. If you are from the NY area and new to LA, what better place to make some connections and find someone to argue over roster spots? Just click the web link above, or come out to Barney's Beanery on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, conveniently located nearby Silver Robot Man and the Pacific Ocean.

Don't they look like they're having fun?

Sometimes celebrities drop by.

The club also organizes cookouts, and group trips to nearby parks when the Metsies are in town, often with a group discount on tickets. During last month's dreadful Dodgers series, the club came out in force (more than 100 strong), because its always more fun to have stuff thrown at you when you're in a big group of tough New Yorkers. The club also plans trips to San Diego and Anaheim to cheer our Mets on to hopefully taking at least one of three in any given series. So sign up today and come join us this Sunday to watch the Mets take on Scott K*zmir and the Rays at:
1351 3rd Street Promenade
between Arizona and Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, CA 90401

LA Metfans take over Chavez Ravine.
That guy in the foreground is not in the club.
Looks like a Dodgers fan. I guess I could have cropped this.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Top 10 Recorded but Rejected Cuts on Tim McCarver's New LP

ITEM: Saturday's Fox broadcast revealed that Tim McCarver has recorded an album of standards. It was originally a double album, but some tunes didn't make the final cut:

"There used to be a good broadcaster there."
9. "
Wily as a wolverine: the ballad of Pedro Martinez"
"I can see forever with my glass eye."
7. "
That pitch wasn’t down and in, that pitch was down and up.”
"By guessing right, you might have guessed wrong.”
5. "
Mt. Everest erupts again"
4. "Get off my d*ck, Joe Buck" (rap)
"Baseball is a game of inch"
2. "Catch me if you can (A Mark Wohlberg Fastball)"
1. "Jeter on my mind" (duet with Joe Morgan)

Can you pick out the McCarver quotes that are the
real McCoy? Those are courtesy of Shut Up Tim McCarver.

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Mets Show they have Pride and Poise to go with their Heart, Hustle, and Fortitude
Brian Stokes, warming up in the bullpen before coming in to relieve Johan Santana.

Terribly bad. Just Awful. Not good at all. By the time you read this Johan Santana, hopefully, will not be on the DL with arm trouble, and this start will be forgotten in a season of misery and bad luck. The Mets awful-fence barely made AJ Burnett sweat, loading the bases only to have their ineptitude shine through. I half expect opposing pitchers to walk the bases full against the Mets, knowing that the Mets just can't handle the pressure.

Jerry Manuel supplied the only real in-game entertainment in the 6th by arguing briefly with Umpire Jim Wolf, who should truly be ashamed of himself that he can't do his job after all the practice he's had. Since the Mets could have lost this one on their own, the umpires picked a dumb game to become conspicuous, calling borderline strikes and dip shit checked swings at pivotal points in the game. But this game was lost by a combination of Johan's terrible game and the Mets lack of offensive ability.

The Brian Bruney-K-rod dispute heated up in the pre-game. If you are having difficulty placing the name, Bruney is an absolute nobody who has done nothing in the game, unless a few drunken trips to the tattoo parlor and a make-out session with Andy Pettite count, and he believes that K-Rod's approach to baseball is unpleasant to watch. Since Bruney does a lot of watching and should know, K-Rod gave Bruney a chance to air his grievance face to face in the outfield today.

The Bruney-Krod dust-up was originally a creation of the media, but now the principle players have indulged them. But what is this crap from the Klap? Is there nothing else to write about? What the hell does Mariano Rivera's (alleged by Klap) less than classy dismissive attitude towards K-Rod have to do with last night's loss? Klap takes K-Rod's comments as fodder for a non-story: “I want to be remembered as either better than [Rivera] or equal to him” in a few years.” What's he supposed to say? "I want to be remembered as either better or equal to Armando Benitez"? The media expects players to genuflect to Rivera to the extent that they're not allowed to imagine or aim to be better than him? Rivera was great in a steroid era. We'll see if he ever gets nabbed taking PEDS along with the rest of the Yankees, but its a bad idea to invest too much of your journalistic integrity in any player, even Mr. Holy Rivera. Here's the Klap's words:

Rivera is to K-Rod as a Bentley is to a Saleen Mustang. One is eternal, a classic; the other is pure combustion, noise and fury off the red light. K-Rod is the one who raises his arms in self-congratulation after every save - and he was ready to signal to the heavens as A-Rod's pop-up descended toward Castillo.

What is the point of this? This is autopilot Yankee favoritist bull-dingy and a real waste of virtual ink. The pressures presented by the decline of the print media are real, but many established sportswriters have nothing to say. Added to the media idiocy around Raul Ibanez' "doth protest too much" slagging of a blogger who he thinks ties his elderly renaissance to PEDS (Raul can be forgiven for spouting off without actually reading the post, but can the media?), and Ken Rosenthal writing a story that alledges Jerry is losing or will lose the Mets clubhouse without even bothering to connect any evidence to his insinuations, it's been another bad month for sports journalism. It would be nice if these guys could give it a rest with the indignation and Yankee-blowing, and come up with real stories that are researched and interesting before they bitch about the integrity of mom's basement dwellers. Just like Ibanez' future drug tests, the proof is in the pudding.


Wondering if there is a man more hated by his teams fans than Castillo after what he did to that pop-up? Wondering what happened to Aaron Heilman? I can help you out in one fell swoop. Here's hapless poopeyface Aaron Heilman, inducing Milton Bradley into brainless play. It sure is hard to focus when Heilman pitches, but when he was on the Mets, fielders didn't normally need to worry about fieldable balls. They always get into the stands somehow.

Milton Bradley Loses Track Of Outs from Mark Townsend on Vimeo.

swiped from Bugs and Cranks via CSTB).


The difficulty Sunday's game presents is figuring precisely where it fits in on the list of the Mets most pathetic losses of 2009. Here is the tale of the tape: The Mets last remaining hope, Johan Santana gets absolutely walloped during a rivalry game, and the Yankees continue to pile on into the 7th exposing the shitty underside of the Mets bullpen. Mets load the bases to no avail early, then fold like a blanket. I see this one breaking into the top 5 possibly. Here's my prelininary ranking of the Mets stinkers, seeing as Oliver Perez has yet to truly leave his mark on this season:

1. Jerry Pulls the Goalie: Unbelievably F*cking Stupid Church Can't Find His Way Home, Mets commit 5 errors and Disrespect the Game of Baseball May 19
2. Castillo's Can of Corn Mets have big game against Yankers won, and Luis bails out A-Rod of all people, putting a point on the worst week of baseball many have seen June 12.
3. Murphy's Law Game, in a bad omen for the whole season, Daniel Murphy squanders a dominant Johan start and the Mets drop a series vs the Fish, April 12
4. Beltran Bel-trots Home in St Louis, can't be bothered to slide (he was "too close"), Murphy Breakdances in the Field April 21
5. Another Gift for the Phillies, Mets hammer Cole Hamels, but Beltran and Wright can't field worth a shit, Mets leave 16 on-base June 10

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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Mariners Drop One to the Boys from Colorado Town, But a Good Time Still Was Had by All

Get Mariner-ized!

Some teams have it so much worse than our faves, the M's! Although our beloved Mariners lost a heart breaker last night to the Colorado Rockies or something, we still love them. Ichiro is so cool, and Adrian Beltre is pretty neat too. And Jr.? Well, he's in a league of his own. Last night was a demoralizing loss that dropped the Seamen to a game under .500, but hey let's not dwell on the bad things. We're Mariner fans, and we live to be surprised by the Sailors, soothed by the Circumnavigators, wowed by the Windjammers, and saved by the Sailors. So instead of any sad talk, I'd like to share my pictures of the M's magnificent win against the Orioles last week, which I attended in person.

A lovely view of the Seattle skyline.

Everyone knows Endy is the heart and soul of the Seamen!

Got a question at the park? Ask this nice gentleman.

Mmm, I can't think of a tastier sounding treat.

There are plenty of places in the park to hide and cry, if that's your thing.

Hey dad, that Moose has shorts on!

I think he's looking at me.

The Ichiro dance.

Pretty sunset, viewed from the park.

The Orioles weren't kidding around, not with Ty Wiggington manning first base.

If there's something better than a M's win, I haven't heard of it!

After the game, the ushers allowed me a leisurely stroll around the Mariners Hall of Fame.

Look who's hanging in the Hall!

The Hall is very informative. I wonder if the umpires ever toured it? Har!

Gloves are cool. But remember to use two hands!

An apt tribute to Dave Niehaus.

Did you know?

This way to the exits!


Friday, June 12, 2009

Phils Reign, Maine in Pain

The Mets just aren't into you. If you are a fan that expects the Mets to place in the race for the 2009 post season, that is.

Wait til we have all our guys back, you say? If you think the Philmes just beat up on a decimated Mets club and the Mets were lucky to have a lead at any time, remember that they too just lost huge parts of their club, their closer and that wife-beating pitcher. Think also of how the Mets squandered both games they lost when their bullpen--this team's strength--let the Phils easily back in each case (aided by atrocious defense). The Phils beat the Mets as they are and as they will be--Delgado is 300 years old, and Reyes long ago ceased to be a game changer (unless you count his blunders)--you can't count on either to have turned the tide. Perhaps an effective Putz could have changed things, but I am increasingly wondering whether we ever had a top shelf Putz since he was an injured Mariner and he became an injured Met. Plus, in many ways, this Mets team is better since their frontline position playing guys went down. Now that the rotation is starting to disintegrate, we may be in for a long summer, which of course was part of any prediction that warned Omar not to rely on the pitchers you have when 2/5 of them had off-season surgery, 1/5 are named Oliver Perez, and 1/5 are members of the Hernandez family. Oh and don't remind me of the passion with which I advocated for another big bat for this anemic lineup--Wright and Beltran are hitting wildly over their heads and the Mets offense hasn't been able to score enough runs. Our best, my friends, is not good enough, as it wasn't in 2007 and 2008. The regular season 2006 Mets are not walking through that door anytime soon.
The Mets training staff goes over JJ Putz' medical history before ok-ing the trade.

It's June 12, and Ken Rosenthal has started the Jerry Manuel watch list at Faux Sports. Rosenthal thinks that Jerry's habit of throwing his kidz under the bus is a long term liability for the Gagsta's job security. But none of the examples are that compelling, and some of them don't really qualify for "throwing under bus" status. Removing HEAD for Santos might have been embarrassing for HEAD, but he was a backup catcher and Jerry never said he had no faith in Castro, though it was apparent. I highly doubt Sterling Inc. is going to look at what Omar gave Jerry in terms of a roster and find fault with Jerry after the Mets month of May. The one thing Jerry has done right is to stop coddling these listless underachievers. Perhaps now that most of those underachievers by injury have been replaced with overachievers, Jerry should back off his motivational disses, if that is what he is doing. But generally, I support Jerry when he calls these bozos out; until they show the fortitude to get through a September without making history (in the worst of ways), these grown men can take a little static from their manager. Now the bunting is another story.

Anyhow, on to the Yankers.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Mets Phail To Take Phils Out, Despite Pelf Help

Philme's mascot barely escaping angry mob of Phanatics who want to beat him to celebrate their World Series victory.

Some folks are willing to chalk up last night's loss to bad luck, but I'm a bit steamed that the Mets superstars are the one's who couldn't make the plays when they needed to. Beltran, eyes closed shut, dropped a catchable ball when "fence-fear" seemed to grip him at the last second. Davy-boy then misplayed a weak ground ball. It was the star Mets, not the replaceMets, that blew Mike Pelfrey's chance at a well-deserved win. Result: the Mets took a hit in the win-loss column, when they could have easily won the first two games of this series.

Jerry's Kidz left their normal 150 men on base last night. That might have contributed to the loss too, I suppose. Meanwhile, Bobby V's team is having no such problem.

The Philme's, supposed winners of the near-forfeited World Series last year, somehow still have little guy syndrome, and can be seen wildly gesticulating in the dugout, shh-ing, and then bitching to the media about the Mets.

If they're going to lose, I prefer that the Mets get their shots in. Big Pelf telling little Utley to get his contemplative ass back in the batter's box . Maybe it's just macho daydreaming, but losing to this stupid team makes me want to see a brawl between the Mets and Philadelphia--by the time Ryan Howard gets his fat ass out on the field the punches would long have been thrown. I wouldn't mind seeing Chase get a little blood on his varsity jacket and have to suck his caviar through a straw for a couple of weeks. Anyhow, I can't be upset that Johan is spending quality time with Pelf, pushing him to get better and I guess, tougher.


If you're curious, here is a run-down of the Mets' draftees this week.


Jeff Pearlman, who has penned many an influential piece about the Mets, is advocating for gay baseball players to come out of the dugout, er, closet. (link stolen from CSTB)

Mex contemplates his next public remarks, while potential trainer, noting Keith's distraction, considers making a run for the dugout.

Mets Today caught an interesting interview with Mex where he sort of says that the Mets Latin players were a key reason for Willie's demise. Keith always speaks the truth as he sees it, so its a plausible story, if potentially divisive. Interesting to see if this too blows up in Keith's well appointed face.

This photo sickens me to this day. It continues to speak volumes about the Wilpon's misplaced priorities.

Now even Hank Aaron is telling Agent Gl*vine to shut up. For a guy who got all the credit in the world for being classy from the NY media, Toothless Tom has never been particularly gracious. The Br*ves only mistake was signing this has-been to a contract again, after he spurned their offer to go be a blight on the Mets rotation for a few years. Come on Tom, you can't throw anymore--and this was apparent 3 yrs ago--give it up.


In what can't be a good omen, the Mets are delaying John Maine's start against the Yankme's this weekend.


This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.