It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, June 29, 2007

Mex embroiled in Phanatic Controversy

is this creature a racist?

A pleasant exchange of color men Gary Matthews and Keith Hernanadez during the first game of the Mets-Phillies double-header turned iinto an ugly disaster today. As Hernandez sat chatting in the Philadelphia broadcast booth, Philadelphia's mascot, the "Philly Phanatic," harrased the former Gold Glover, and at one point pouring popcorn over the head of the greatest first base man ever to play the game.

Viewers of MLBtv were further shocked to watch the Phanatic put Hernadez' head under his shirt. But the real controversy came when Hernandez called the Phanatic the "best," agreeing that all other mascots were second class "AAA" mascots.

Mr. Met was unavailable for comment. But he didn't look happy.

Confronted by Mr. Met's legion of fans, Hernandez later disputed these claims, calling them "ignorant." Stay tuned for further details...

Monday, June 25, 2007

Is it Safe?

stolen from Rich K courtesy of Metsblog

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Off Day Time Waster: Even Rickey Can't Help Mets Win

As we like to joke, there is no way the Mets can lose today baby, so enjoy an undefeated Thursday! Forget for a day that the club just lost to a Baker, forget that we are headed for "meaningful games" territory. Forget that Rickey Ledee isn't a left fielder, but he did stay in a Holiday Inn last night. Think about how many games the team would have won in June if games were 4 innings instead of 9. If you're an optimist, think about how there is a whole lot of winning to come, cause there can't be too much more losing left in this squad.

SNY's cameras caught Mr. Randolph pointing across the field as the game ended in miserable defeat, as though to say "good job,""you the man," or "you got me." What was Willie pointing at? Some of the funnier answers in last night's chat included "calling a cab." Did he think the Mets won? Or was he challenging the Twins to "double or nothing"? Was he playing "pull my finger" with Ron Gardenheir? It made him look clueless, in an amusing way, though I can't say the same for his post-game comments. For a guy who doesn't like to lose, he's sure taking it pretty well.

Alyssa Milano seems pretty cool in this article. Then we remember how she never got back to me.

More importantly, ca$h paid for pictures of the shirt Rickey Henderson wore to the game tonight! I need to know I wasn't dreaming.

Don't worry too much. According to cuddly teddy bear Mets beat reporter Marty Noble, Rickey is in the house, to tutor "Rey" and to "Give 'em a boost with my special lucky charms."

Ok, fair enough. But then it just gets wonderfully strange, as you had to know it would:

"Back in the day," Henderson said, "I had something that I would rub when we got into a funk. And they thought I lost my mind."

Um, I don't think masterbation is the cure here Rickey; the players may shave each other, piss on each other in the shower, and slap each others' butts, but I think they draw the line somewhere. But how blessed my favorite franchise is to have Rickey in our family. He could be toiling away for one of the other 300 teams he played for, but he prefers to wax inane in the orange and blue. This might read a bit sarcastic, but I am 100 percent serious.

Rickey is back to give Jose Rey some pointers:

"I told him, the other guys don't have to look at no home run. Make them look at you. This is your club. When things go bad, you've got to create. I told him he has to make some 'Rickey runs.' ... You know, runs when you get no hits -- a walk, a steal, an out and you score."

By all reports, Rickey was able to contain himself upon seeing Rickey Ledee in the Mets outfield.


Top Ten Things the Mets Could Do to End the Slump

10.closed door meeting, open faced sandwiches for everyone!
9. ritual Schoeneweis sacrifice
8. tell team in no uncertain terms to get man on
7. trade for Kris Benson and Victor Zambrano
6. beat the living shit out of the post game buffet
5. swing at first pitch, pop up...wait no that's Carlos Beltran's walk off win strategy!
4. sign Rickey Henderson
3. purchase, destroy all copies of last week's Sports Illustrated
2. continue secret payments to atlanta, philadelphia franchises
1. hire Wallace Matthews as hitting instructor

Getting psyched for Friday's game? Here, let Marty "Happy on the inside Clown" Noble introduce the matchups:

"Having lost the eight most recent games in which they were been opposed by a left-handed starter, the Mets on Friday face lefty Lenny DiNardo...

WAIT wait. Cut. Don't read the rest.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Mets get JoHandled

The Mets revival faced its first test last night, and the Mets failed with running colors, prompting many a NY tabloid editor to salivate, and even more tension and hand-wrining in the blog-world. Plus, Keith Hernandez is starting to offer advice, and you know things are bad when that happens. Johan Santana (whose resemblence to Mike Hampton's pitching style makes me uncomfortable) is no slouch, but the Mets uninspired play continues to make them look like they don't have a prayer in the post season, if they even reach it. The 2007 Mets are unable to beat good teams. Period. Look at the record.

If I had to pick just one moment in last night's pathetic quasi-forfit performance, it would be Carlos Buntran airmailing his throw into the stands, prompting the wheels to come off the Mets wagon one more time. Now Jorge (or George, if you're in LA) Sosa has been mostly a revelation, pitching from the final spot in the rotation (unless you're honest and admit that Glavine is this team's 5th starter), but Carlos, Carlos, Carlos, do we really want to test his fragile psyche? The other underperforming Carlos(t) got the game off to a bad start, booting a routine grounder in the first inning, but Belty, in my opinion, set the tone for one shitty performance.

The Mets are going as quietly as a Sammy Sosa drive for 600 homeruns, with a little David Wright glove slamming being the only hint that this team gives a whit. Worse, this is begining to look like a permanant situation, with no end in sight. So what else is there to do but...rank the goats! This exercise is not as easy as it looks, seeing as how there are so many options.

All Carlos' other than Gomez: Watching "stand up" guys like my two Carlos' struggle is about as enjoyable as being a Boston Celtics fan. But these two need to stand up, or sit down. They are hurting the team in the field and at the plate, and just about the only offense left for them to commit is to run down Mr. Met in their cars. Watch out, buddy!

Can't anyone here play this game?

Willie: That's right, you knew it was coming. If it isn't for his tactical genius, and it isn't, then why are the Mets paying this guy? It's for his personel skills, folks. But apparently they don't teach "buffet table bashing" "umpire abuse," or "watercooler destruction" at the Joe Torre School of Corpse-like Managing. William of the Bronx did finally put LoDuca back in the 2 slot, but though it did work pretty well last year, that is only tinkering for tinkering's sake. To the admittedly biased view of the frustrated fan during times of trouble, "professionalism" often starts to look a lot like "passionless play."

Mets defense: The icing on the shit cake that has been the Mets' play in June. No forgiving this lack of focus. The Mets still score runs, its just that they find new ways to give them back and more. And that's Tom Glavine's job guys. Even the reliable Stash is taking his lumps in the field.

Mets bullpen: Just cause we haven't seen them fail lately, doesn't mean we forgive No Showenweis, Poopeyface Heilman, the Other Pedro, and even Countrytime for their earlier transgressions.

Tom Glavine: Glavine's pitching is the gift that never stops giving. If you're the other team. Whatever the opposite of "leader" is, I'd say it fairly describes Glavine's role in this ongoing debacle.

John Maine: If this seems unfair because Maine has generally pitched beyond expectations, then please meditate on what these numbers mean: 1,2,3. That is the number of pitches Maine threw to the bottom of the Dodger's order that went rocketing out of the park in various directions, the lowpoint of this swoon if you ask me.

Jose Reyes: I dunno, it's tough to spread the blame this far, but "As Jose goes, so go the Mets." And from listless fielding, to baffling 2nd base larceny attempts when the team is down by mucho-runnos, Jose has kinda sucked this month.

Am I forgetting anyone? (I will not beat up on Old Duque and Julio Francostein, as the AARP is all over me lately, and I don't want no problems).

Here's hoping the Mets can avoid the Twin-Killing tonight, and eke out a series win for June. But I am not holding my breath under the paperbag I wear as a hat...


Monday, June 18, 2007


Carlos(t) Delgado(esn't) hitting--what a sight for sore eyes!?

Jose Reyes running rampant, and even Carlos(t) Buntran getting into the action? Watching Delgado fail (SNY flashed some pretty horrific numbers concerning his sucess rate with runners in scoring position) was a lot like catching your Dad in women's clothing on Father's Day--who is this guy? In my heart, I know he is no Alomar. But damn, it's been depressing to watch.

Tonight was a nice little treat. John Maine reverted to his early season form. The offense wasn't offensive. Even superman Torry Hunter didn't seem to have an answer for the Mets.

The game was comfortable enough to allow for a little innocent napping. But when I was awake, I checked out the competition. Perhaps I'm already channel flipping as a hangover from being spoiled by last year's large divisional leads, and the Phillies did their part loosing nicely to the Indians. Just Phillies being Phillies. And thanks for absolutely nothing Boston. Thanks for the questions. Why the hell are they resting Big Papi or whatever they call that guy? Isn't he a DH normally anyway, occasionally playing first? Does anyone root for Curt Shilling? And my eyes are seared with the memory of Tyler Freakin Yates blowing high 90's cheese by a listless Manny Ramirez. All the sudden the mighty Sawx can't beat Chuck James, bitch? They are fallable, and did sign Julio Lugo and J.D. Drew I guess, but I expect more, even though the Mets didn't exactly send the Evil Empire running in fear this past weekend. The Mets always seem to let me down on Sunday night baseball vs. the Bronx Biters, and frankly, I don't plan on talking about it. I also will not be making fun of Ricky Ledee until further notice.

The real test is coming, in the person of All-World southpaw* Johan Santana. Throw out the tea leaves and forget about the groundhog, Tuesday's results will tell us if this team is waking from its slumber, or whether tonight was just a dream.

News from the Bizzarro Metsland

Those Orioles are at it again, only this time, our buddy Jim Duquette seems to have nothing to do with it. On a day brightened by improbable stopper and Omar steal (for $5 and half mil, some random Jorge and Useless Mr. Benson) John Maine, the Orioles made bigger news.

Apparently Sam Perlozzo was kind of incompetent, and now he is out as Baltimore manager:

In the most infamous example, in Boston on May 13, Perlozzo pulled starting pitcher Jeremy Guthrie after 91 pitches with one out in the bottom of the ninth inning of a game the Orioles led 5-0. The Red Sox subsequently stormed back against the Orioles' bullpen, scoring six runs for a 6-5 win.

So where does that leave the "Rockin' Retard," Perlozo's right hand man, half a million dollar contract Leo Mazzone whom the Baltimore Bad News Bears pried from the Klan? We can now add having the Baltimore Bozos to thank for an assist on breaking the Br*ves stranglehold on the NL East. How do the Mets ever repay the Orioles for their largesse? Hmm. Does Peter Angelos fancy Aaron Heilman?

*Did you know where the term "southpaw" comes from? Neither did I, when asked the other night. Wikipedia supplies a plausible answer:

ballparks are often designed so that the batter is facing east, in order that the afternoon or evening sun does not shine in his eyes. this means that left-handed pitchers are throwing from the south side. the first use of the term is credited to finley peter dunne.

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Saturday, June 16, 2007

The Mets are (Car) Lost

One out of three ain't bad, one out of three Carlos' performing that is.

Yes, if it wasn't for Gomez, there'd be no good Carlos news at all. This group of castaways can't get out of their own way, much less beat the "others." The starting pitching is reverting back to the mean after a spectacular start, and the bull(shit)pen acts like clowns, the offense is in a deep funk, today's 8 runs notwithstanding. The issue seems to be Beltran and Delgado, but also prettyboy Wright, coming up small in key situations. Jose Reyes can't create runs by himself without being occasionally knocked in from 3rd by a hit or a lousy deep flyball! Well, OK, he can create balked in runs by himself, but only so many a game. The point is, fans are having a hard time wrapping their heads around this cliff dive, and if the Mets can't start winning, they will soon be looking up at the Br*ves.

The team is doing the opposite of clicking, whatever that is. Clacking? Why should we expect the offense to pick it up, one more time, when Toothless Tom gives back runs like the one armed bandit gives back tokens? Can we ask any more of the subs, other than going 7 for 13 with 4 RBIs?

There is nothing I can say about Tom Glavine that I haven't said before. Other than this: thinking of him as anything other than a washed up, 4th or 5th starter on a playoff team is a mistake.

At what time do we ask Willie for a little fire, say, like the last proud manager to lead the Mets into "battle"?

The team needs some leadership. Someone needs to step up. Paging Mr. Coverboy?

David Wright wanders the wreckage of his former NL best team

Besides leadership, what else is there to do? This is not an easy fix, because the personel seems to be the right mix--it's the stars that aren't getting it done. I am not looking for panic trades, because that ain't Omar's specialty. But if (No) Show is hurt, DL 'em. Or at least stop giving him chances to hurt the team in close games. If Delgado is swinging a wifflebat, then sit him a day or two, and then drop him in the order til he finds himself. Have Buntran keep him company. If Old Man Moises is still hurt, then make dogfood of him and forget him. If the pen is not getting it done, then bring in some fresh blood. Hopefully, there is a substance abuse clause in Mota's 2 year deal.

These guys better pull it together, before the whole damn season is...

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Friday, June 15, 2007

Mets Run Yanks Off the Field with Im-Perez-ive Performance*

Finally a win!

What's not to like? Suffice to say that this loss cost the Yankers some thing in the neighborhood of a bajillion dollars...and that's just Clemens' salary.


Recap of previous misery:About the only thing I got out of the Dodgers series is that my
friend taught me how to enable the digital zoom on my camera. Yes, I am that incompetent. Anyhow, here are the "action" shots I got!! To the left is one of scoreboard in the hopeful time before the bloodbath.

The camera man wanders into my section, and most of heck breaks out! Folks, the jumbotron isn't a real tv!

This, i think, is Valentin swinging lamely to end the second game
Joe Smith, from the perspective of someone who does not yet know how to work their digital zoom.

At batting practice, an unflattering shot of some fan-faves!

Billy Wagner muses over what he will add to the Wednesday evening festivities (hint: 2 run hr)
*title provided by Cver from deep in secluded bunker


Thursday, June 14, 2007

I'm a Mets fan


1-9! unacceptable.

where is the heart? it can't be that hard to break those skinny bats over your knee, can it?

Friday, June 08, 2007

I'mmmmmm Back!! (sort of)

I leave the US on May 29th. Regular posting on my novelty sports blog ceases as other events take precedence. I can catch snippets of games at about 7am, and I do a few times. But I miss games and I do it in bunches.

Mets go into a tailspin. 3 wins to 6 loses. 4 loses in a row. Aaron Poopeyface and Billy "Goat" Wagner take turns blowing games out their butts. Super Endy goes down ugly. Mets suffer sweep at the hands of the "Team to Beat."


I don't think so. This team needs me. I can only thank the baseball gods that I didn't witness firsthand last night's extra inning massacre. I don't think I could take the loss of a game where the Mets hit three back to back jacks to take the lead, and still lost.


The sillyness surounding MLB's THE DRAFT is hard to take. And in the case of the interview they posted of Darryl Strawberry, hard to hear. Here's a partial transcript:

Q: How early in your high-school...did you first notice scouts being there?
Straw: Mrmammammam--mumble,..Dan Dreifort? mmmmmmm. John Houseman? mumble mumble.

Did the MLB hire the Crenshaw High School AV club to produce THE DRAFT?

I wonder if Barry Bonds mom knows he takes steroids? According to a pointless story that i am needlessly giving new life to, Mrs. Bonds gave her son a talking to:

"'The Giants are losing because of the way you're playing and you know it. So snap out of it,'" Bonds said his mother told him. "'Nobody told you to be great, but you are. That's your responsibility. So play like you are [great].'"

Friday, June 01, 2007

Broken Mets in Webbcast*

Nothing doing.

Those two words best describe the Mets performance versus the D-backs. Another day, another semi-blown call against the Mets at second? Perhaps, but the reminiscent-of-2004 B-Squad couldn't do much against Webb, and there's not too much shame in that, they didn't have Super Joe to supply that pop from the clean-up spot. The loss at the hands of Brandons does go against the "As Jose Goes, so Go the Mets" theory, since Reyes contributed 2 hits to balance out an offense-deflating caught stealing.

There may be some shame coming in the Mets relief picture. "Hello" Mota came into a close, winnable game and left the barnyard door wide open giving up 3 runs in 2 innings of work. Should he go back on the juice, and is Omar kicking himself for signing Mota? Let the debate begin!

Speaking of shame, is their a lesson for young people in the fact that Jason Giambi tore the plantar fascia in his left foot while trotting around second base after hitting a home run? That is El Duque territory. Or maybe it's just what happens when you abuse performance enhancing drugs. It's still amusing, unless the Yankers use it to get out from under the ex-injector's contract as they have threatened in the past, especially they are about to get tagged with a Clemens contact and are currently one rung from the bottom of the AL East ladder.

Don't look now, but the Br*ves are just 3.5 games back. Now some might say that Carlos Zambrano's altercation in the Cubs dugout today should make Mets fans think twice before dreaming about his acquisition, but, hey at least someone is passionate about beating the Br*ves!

*title courtesy of "Cver Says" service, by appointment.


This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.