It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Berna-Bizarre! Top 10 Unreported Tony Bernazard Attacks
Fully clothed former Mets VP of Player Development minutes before an attack.

Everyone knows that in his time with the Mets, Tony Bernazard brought a much needed macho lunatic perspective to his job as guardian of the club's mostly barren farm system and special consultant on hiring, firing and office party planning for Sterling Inc. But what is less widely known are the many instances in his private life when he has challenged the world to do better. Here then, are some of the most notable Bernazard belligerencies:

10. Accompanied by his son, Bernazard attacked Mets third base coach Razor Shines during a spring training game when he interpreted Shines' windmill motion as an offensive hand sign.
9. Challenged then NY Senatorial candidate Hillary Clinton to "bake off."
8. Naked, save for strategically placed pasties, Bernazard out-danced entire cast of Sha-na-na... when he was only 12!
7. Performed "razor blade" dance of death ritual with Hugo Chavez.
6. Kicked Girl Scout Troop 14 table over when informed of Thin Mints sell out.
5. Challenged Lenny Dykstra to pie eating contest for sitting in his booth at Countytown Buffet
4. Lashed out at local Long Island business media when they covered the failure of "Los Loaves" his Latin-themed bakery start-up.
3. Dismembered pet Yorkshire Terrier who wouldn't "take him seriously"
2. Screaming "what don't you f**in understand" at "f*cking amateurs" for distracting him during takes on the set of Terminator 5.
1. Removed pants and wrestled bear to a near standstill on picnic date with Jeffrey Wilpon.

Labels: , , , , ,


  • At 12:57 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    coming next week... Jeffy Wilpon announces that HR has started an investigation of Omar Minaya, and he has presented Minaya with the facts of the investigation, and Omar is fired.It is important, Jeffy will remind us, that we remember that human resources started this investigation.

  • At 3:56 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Don't want to say I told you so......I have been calling for Omar's demise for two years. Based upon: His utter stupidity. Omar's disheveled mind and non-existent organizational and communication skiills are TOTALLY responsible for all of these mishaps. But if Rubin never asked Omar about a job where did Omar hear about it? From Weasel-Boy, or Little Napoleon? He is still being manipulated, but he deserves everything he gets. I fthe mets let him hold another press conferecnce they whould be suspended from baseball. He is a public disgrace.

  • At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Pete M. said…

    A Dominican hot-head and a networking Jew? Where's the news story here? How about our win streak? Dique Oy Vey!

  • At 10:15 PM, Blogger Jaap said…

    What about the knife fight on the basketball court in West Side Story when he stabbed Riff?

    When you're a Met you're a Met all the way, from your first miserable loss to blowing a ten game lead...


Post a Comment

<< Home

This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.