It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, June 26, 2006

Top Ten: Ways 2006 Mets Could Be Better

Where have I been?
Well I can't use the same excuse as Jose Valentin, but let's just say my reasons for not posting include, most importantly, I've been too busy. And also...the Mets are just too damn good.

I mean, what are we supposed to do with this team? It's hard for us older fans to make the adjustment from league laughingstock to league princes. I noticed one entertaining blogger just recently up and quit. I'm feeling the giddyness too--double digit leads on the rest of the NL East are nothing to sneeze about, and the convincing nature of the team's recent sucess seems enough to overcome even the most hardened cynic. Of course, I have my reservations. Wagner concerns me, and I wouldn't have dealt Julio so quickly. But absolutely nothing this team does bothers me. David Wright's late-game or otherwise errors now make me chuckle, Billy Wagner's blown saves just make me say, "that's our Billy." That runners are constantly being thrown out trying to take extra bases just makes me smile, and I can't find anyone on the team I remotely dislike.

To make matters worse, the traditional targets of my satire have all been removed from the premises or have undergone remarkable transformations. Now it's just hard to know which budding superstar to pay more attention to, which playing way-above-their head-retread to celebrate, or which member of uh, management to give credit to (there, I said it). After the initial euphoria subsided a bit, I didn't know what to do with myself. Where are the lovable loosers I used to know? I wistfully looked up Rodger Cedeno's career stats. I thought about what Art Howe might be doing right now. I said the words "Kenny Rodgers." Then I snapped out of it. "Embrace the new Mets, you dummy," I said to myself. I watched the 1986 World Series DVD. I bought a Mookie-Buckner autograped ball. I looked for autographed pictures of Robin Ventura on the internet. I taunted a Br*ves fan. I'm feeling pretty good about the world and I am ready to be champion again, at least of the NL East. But still, I wondered, couldn't it get just a bit better?

Top 10 ways 2006 Mets Could be Better:

10) Could play 4 outfielders to give Endy, Beltran, Cliffy, Lastings, and Nady somewhere to play
9) Club could embroider Rodger Clemen's likeness on the ass-cheeks of Mets home uniforms (ok this one is more under the heading of top 10 things that would make me feel better, but who's counting?)
8) Jose Valentin could start pulling his weight
7) Tim Tueffel bobblehead night
6) Add extra base for Jose Reyes to steal
5) Lastings Milledge and rest of 2LiveCrew could entertain on Gang Banger Night at Shea
4) Keith Hernandez named team physical therapist
3) Club could be managed by Lou Pinnella (just kidding--love ya Willie!)
2) Shea Jones changes her first name to Carlos
1) Two words: Scott K*zmir, 3rd starter (I mean, can you just imagine what this team would look like with this guy in the rotation?)

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.