It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Troubling Things Mets' Authorities are Saying about Santana Injury

The Mets got relatively good news on Santana. But good news has a way of going bad around here, so I don't know what to make of promises he'll return for 2010.

Ted Berg relates this nugget, via Sherman:

Joel Sherman of the NY Post asked Minaya why he continued to let Santana start if he’s been hurting since the All-Star Break and skipping his side sessions.

Minaya responded that that’s why they’re shutting him down now. “Up until his last start, it was something that he was able to pitch with. After his last start, he said this to us, and we are, as you say, wisely shutting him down.”

From the report (I've highlighted the parts that make me go batshit):

"He never really complained until that last game," Mets manager Jerry Manuel said. "It was manageable, and he managed it very well until he mentioned it. And then he said, 'Well, let's make sure, let's take a look.'"

The Mets, however, admitted Tuesday that they had known about the bone chips in Santana's elbow as far back as the All-Star break, when Santana underwent a similar examination. Because Santana felt no pain at that time, and because the chips were not in a "dangerous area," the team opted to let Santana pitch -- despite the fact that both his velocity and control were suffering.

Even Manuel said he was unaware of the scope of the situation until Santana began complaining after his most recent start.

"It really didn't bother him," pitching coach Dan Warthen said. "He was able to pitch a couple of different times. The last few, you could see the velocity going down and you're starting to concern yourself. Johan never ever says anything about his own physical pain, but he finally came clean and said, 'This thing is kind of bugging me.'"

The pain, Warthen said, was unrelated to the elbow discomfort Santana felt in Spring Training, when the Mets scheduled an MRI but never followed through with it. When asked about the relation between that issue -- which threatened Santana's Opening Day start -- and the left-hander's current woes, Minaya said he could not recall Santana's Spring Training health problems. Minaya also did not know what Santana's All-Star break examination had revealed.


Remember, Omar Minaya had his contract re-upped by the Wontpons in the middle of a collapse last year. The Mets themselves are not being contracted. He is not desperate to protect his GM job (as he should be). Somebody explain to me why he'd risk Johan Santana's health in the beginning of the ace's contract??!!??

Who are these idiots? You couldn't better destroy a team with bad decisions if you tried. There really is no imaginable reason why Omar Minaya should continue to run this franchise.


Monday, August 24, 2009

Fred Wilpon Needs Season Ending Karma Surgery, Shake Shack Hit By Ebola Virus, Mr. Met Undergoes Neck Transplant

Those are the rest of the headlines I expect to see this season.

What's next? we asked.

We watched Jose limp off the field. We noticed Carlos Delgado succumb to old age. We saw Luis drop the Pay-Rod fly ball. We said good bye to Carlos Beltran. We cringed when Luis slipped down the stairs. We watched David Wright get brained. We knew it was over when and just about every single position player was injured.

Sure, we thought, take all those guys. Take the whole 2009 season, even if you have to threaten 2010 too. Just leave us Johan Santana, the best pitcher in baseball and one of the best in Mets'
history. Just let us watch him once a week and we'll probably show up next year too.
Possible future Mets addition to the rotation. Still better than Livan.

We asked for too much. The baseball gods have now taken their final victim, and the Wilpon's will now feel the full curse of Shea and the 40% ticket price hike they thought they'd get away with.

Sitting in my armchair, it recently occurred to me (as I watched Johan Santana turn in labored and un-Santana like appearance after appearance) that perhaps something was wrong health-wise with our ace. This apparently never occurred to the Mets or their training staff or their GM, who was busy rooting out lobbyists in the media and other guys he actually hired. Because they never intervened, or seem to have questioned a guy who pitched injured in his final start last year and therefore is a guy who is likely to try to gut it out. So now we have no ace, and can only hope and pray for the best. Crossing our fingers hasn't done much this season, but what choice do we have?


Saturday, August 22, 2009

What Would You Write About This Team?

This is the longest I've gone without posting, perhaps since I started this blog in 2005. The problem: I can only bear to watch a few innings at a time, which doesn't allow me to come up with good lines about Corey Sullivan. It's harder to joke when the team is a complete joke.

Think you can do better?

Send me ( your best NY Mets related post (2-3 paragraphs, anything remotely related to the Mets, pictures OK) and you may see your name up in lights. Or down in darkness. I will wait a certain period of time and then pick the most amusing, edifying, terrifying post I get. Did I mention, the winner gets to see their post in this space? Hell, if it's really good, I might give you this blog!

Sounds too good to be true, huh. The catch? There is only one rule. Entrants must write about the Mets but cannot use the following words: loser, moronic, lethargic, suck, lazy, incompetent, doomed, bozos, bonehead, failure, FAIL, catastrophe, fired, idiot, hapless, listless, shitstick, WTF, or Swoboda.

Good Luck!

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Mets Can't Lose

Because they have the day off!

In the meantime let's do anything but discuss this horrible team. Let's watch this instead, over and over until we're happy again.

taken from sportslush.


Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Shawn Green Boldly Claims the Mantle of Aaron Heilman
After participating in the spirit building hair-related Met team gesture of 2009, David Wright-of-the-future goes out on the town to celebrate the Mets getting to .500

When one says that something "sucks," there is a connotation that goes beyond the flat truth claim that something or someone is inferior or not very good at what they do. Allow me to demonstrate with an example: Shawn Green sucks. When I say this, what I mean goes beyond saying that the hapless Green is untalented at baseball. What I am gesturing at is the transcendent, sometimes unbelievable failures he now delivers on a regular basis. He has gone beyond just another shitty performer to being a symbol. Another way to put it is this: when Green reports for duty as a relief pitcher, you can be certain that you are about to make a memory.

The St. Louis Cardinals left Flushing with the same parting gift they always get from the unoriginal Mets franchise: a gimme win. Just like 2006. Just like always.

There will be no rest for this Mets fan until Pujols and Molina are revealed to be performance enhancing drug users. This will happen at some point, for sure, and though it will be little comfort, know that I will be smirking when it does.

Scholars will argue this for decades, but last night's game must be added to the list of 2009 low points. Let us review the ignoble details of the latest Mets face plant.

Ace disgraced. Mets ace Johan pitches sucky more often than I had planned. He is most certainly pitching through injury; to think otherwise is to think the unthinkable.
That first step is a doosie. Castillo, the only Met who can possibly be said to be exceeding expectations, falls down the dugout steps, out indefinitely. Why are there steps in ballparks anyway? Ramps (or gently graded slopes) would seem to be a smarter idea with the fragility of ball players these days.
Superstar "Closer" is just what the Mets needed this winter. Frankie turned out to be a pointless addition. That is all.
Heilman Haunts Mets Supposed Not-Heilman Shawn Green comes into a bases loaded situation, and in lieu of a wild pitch, throws his first pitch into the batter, losing the game. To be sure, he also tosses the expected grand slam meatball to Pujols in the next at-bat. Green seems to be channeling the 2007 and 2008 bullpen. He wore out his welcome a long time ago for me, and now I'd like him gone, or where ever the Mets send the O'Days, Takahashis, etc.
Redbird rage The opponent is the hated smirking Cardinals who stole the 2006 NLCS and then dishonored the National league by their performance in the World Series. I'm not saying Pujols and Molina inject each other in the clubhouse, but I am saying that Molina is a post-op transgendered hermaphrodite.

This season is over folks, if it wasn't already. If there are parts of your eyes you still want to claw out, try clicking here. Next week, I'll start my series on fun replacement activities, hobbies, and family trips you can substitute for following the Metropolitan baseball club.

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Sterling Sackings (or Mets to Fire) Pt I: the Marketing/Design Dept.

The new atrocities trotted out last week by the Mets and MLB marketing are a symptom of a bigger problem. Anyone else starting to see a unifying theme here?

Visit here to see best discussion of Citifield follies and view this and other pictures.

The Mets have a serious, widespread, systemic design problem. From top to bottom, the architecture of the franchise seems to have been designed by of a room full of shitfaced kindergartners. That's all I'm saying.

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Sunday, August 02, 2009

Pagan is an Angel for Metsfans
Another ritual that looks like fun

After Bobby Parnell helped the D-Bags parlay Mets pitching ineptitude into a tie game, things did not look good for the Mets, who are usually exhausted just trying to survive an Oliver Perez start much less beat the other team. Then, before you could say "Cody Ross is an ignorant, baby-headed rodeo clown," Angel Pagan flipped a pitched baseball casually into the crowd for a grand slam in the 8th inning. And the best scrubs that $140 million can buy somehow won again.

To say that Oliver Perez is a terrible, no-good pitcher is adding nothing new. But it's like marveling at a sunset or cooing at a baby; if you're human, you can't help it.

"I think I made important outs," says Ollie. Again with this shit. Come up with some new lines, Borra$, and feed them to your dipshit client, who will one day get run out of Citi in the manner that Victor Zambrano once let himself out of Shea. Perhaps you can find some in that book you wrote.

It seems that, despite expectations to the contrary, Adam Rubin is unbowed, still calling his blog "Surfing" the Mets. Imagine the gall of this guy. Why not "You've Got Mets" in the true AOL fashion Adam? The only lingering effects of the Bernazard (whose new asshole can safely continue to be ripped by the Daily News without interruption) controversy is that Billy "Goat" Wagner won't get to spend quality time with Tony the Tiger now. That, I'd like to see.

Perhaps Jeff Francoeur is really fitting in among the Flushing fellas. I wouldn't deny a guy his reputation for making lots of new best friends. But the media is perhaps straining itself a bit to make the French connection. For instance, the Daily News in an article about the renewed spirit Frenchy has brought to the clubhouse atmosphere, sees this as "the best sign of how light the atmosphere has become":

Before Friday's game, Mike Pelfrey and about a dozen teammates tried flying one of the helicopters in winds so strong that ripples were being sent across the infield tarp. The chopper barely got off the ground before crashing and breaking, much to the chagrin of Pelfrey, who kept trying to fix the toy back inside.

Fed up with Pelfrey's obsessive tinkering, David Wright and J.J. Putz walked over to his locker and stomped on the chopper, all smiles and offering to buy him a new one

Speechless, Pelfrey could only watch as Putz then picked up the busted chopper and flipped it to Wright, who smashed it with a bat. The clubhouse erupted into laughter, which got even louder when Pelfrey finally gathered himself and said, "I just ordered a part to fix it."


Saturday, August 01, 2009

It Ain't Easy Watching Green

Sean Green was determined. He came in for the 8th and promptly loaded the bases. A miracle double play at the hands of Daniel Murphy gave fans hope that the Mets could preserve the tie and have a chance to win the game. Undaunted, Green took a deep breath and wild pitched the winning Diamond Back run in. Because sucking isn't just Sean Green's hobby; it's his vocation.

Green's partner in failure, Angel Pagan ritually hit nothing, going 0 for 5, and GIDP to end the game after Sullivan's pop up was Castilloed by the D-bags thirdbaseman. Sure many players contributed awful at-bats, but this game was winnable until Green made it his own. As a result, the Mets couldn't beat the equally dreadful Diamondbacks in a game that made the win streak officially a memory.

Here we can note that the team Sports Illustrated picked for the World Series championship is now growing beards until they climb back to .500. Omar Minaya quieted the storm of criticism on Friday by doing nothing whatsoever. Unless you count selecting shots of his pal Tony for his screensaver. Jose Reyes setbacked and I really can't imagine him coming back this season. The dream now would be that, after welcoming back a hobbled Beltran, a rusty Delgado, Countrytime, and Putz at some point in August, the Mets can somehow catapult an uninspiring crowd ahead of them for the wildcard. This next stretch of games is officially the no-man's land where either a miracle happens and unrealistic dreams come true, or the team is finally buried for good. It's a minor miracle that we're even still interested, but we're stuck with this goddamn motto:"You gotta believe," not "In August when the Mets are really out of it, you gotta spend more time with the kids," or "You Gotta Cut and Run."


This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.