It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Support the National Brain Tumor Society Just By Going to Citi

Think about supporting a good cause by buying tickets to a baseball game in late May using the link below. Yeah, you have to watch the Mets in all probability get taken apart by the Phillies, but it is still baseball, and if you attend in this way, there'd be a point to your suffering.


May 28, 2011
7:10 PM

Here is the announcement, via the National Brain Tumor Society website: 
Join us for a New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies game for brain tumor awareness!  Tickets are available for the Pepsi Porch Seats (which includes Caesars and Promenade Club access) or Promenade Reserved Seats.

A portion of each ticket sold will benefit the NBTS when purchased through the following link:

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Selig to Appoint McCourts to Takeover NY Mets
"It was either this, or prayer"

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig topped off a busy week of meddling on Friday by appointing Jamie and Frank McCourt as trustees of the NY Metropolitans. "It is clear to me both that the Mets franchise is in need of rescue, and the McCourts deserve a second chance," said Selig in a prepared statement, "and there really are no other options in any event." Major League baseball, according to reports, had tried for some weeks to find a competent entity to take over the daily operations of the Mets franchise, but had made no progress until the McCourts were freed up from their roles in running the Los Angeles franchise. "This one is a no brainer, even for a guy who presided over years of obvious substance abuse in the national past time, made countless children cry, and once called an all-star game a tie," said a spokesman for Selig.  Selig conceded that, informed of the plan, the Mets previous management team had its reservations, but he argued that "the Wilpons admitted privately that they really have no idea how to win or turn a profit," and pointed to the Dodgers continued on-field success amidst chaos as evidence of the McCourt's savvy.

In a statement to the media, the McCourts expressed optimism and gratitude for the second opportunity.  Frank McCourt said that "honestly, we were hoping to take over a more stable franchise like Toronto or Pittsburgh," but the parking lot baron noted the fine work of the former management under the Wilpons to use their TARP funded stadium to celebrate a former Dodgers star. Looking around the Citi field rotunda, McCourt indicated to reporters what he called "the perfect spot for a Sandy Koufax statue." Jamie McCourt added "we think running the Mets will really strengthen our relationship because we won't need to worry so much about accountability" and "plus there is really good shopping just a few minutes away from Flushing." According to sources with knowledge of things, the McCourt's priorities include "fixing the ridiculous dimensions of that park," relaxing restrictions on fan alcohol consumption and violence, wooing Manny Ramirez out of retirement, and "getting Ron Darling on some kind of weight loss and flexibility program." Paul DePodesta could not be reached for comment.
America loves a second chance.

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Saturday, April 16, 2011

What's My Opinion of Tulowitzki's Performance? Collins Needs to Go All Lasorda on Us
Does this man hold the our entertainment?

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that the Mets we have seen so far (somehow worse than ever) are the Mets as they truly are, give or take a false-hope inducing streak or two. Let's also admit, that to put it in the most sensitive terms possible, the Mets are finally "rebuilding." The D'ohfense is streaky to non-existent as usual. The defense is laughable to uninspired. Their ace is injured and some significant portion of the fanbase has deluded itself into believing that a journeyman knuckleball pitcher, refined as he may be, can backbone this same sorry sack of losers into contention. The Mets won't be spending any money soon and the team could very well be sold. And it is probably only a matter of time before the management starts to float the argument that the team can finish in last place just as easily without David Wright and Jose Reyes. The consequence of these lean times is that we are going to see some awful baseball this season, and perhaps even experience a new level of misery when the Mets rid themselves of their best players. That is not entertaining.
Tommy has helped us before.

So what can we hope for in the way of entertainment? I submit that "fiery" new Mets fall guy manager Terry Collins holds the key to any satisfaction Mets fans are likely to enjoy this year. What I am calling for is some cathartic ranting, some truly out of control tirades from our manager. Does screaming at the players, media or fans raise the team winning percentage or accomplish anything at all?  Of course not. But, in an important way, Terry's ass is covered because there is no way any one is going to say this team has "quit" on Terry, not with the start the team has gotten off to. To "quit" you have to actually start, start playing baseball in this case. What kind of screaming yelling, reporter demeaning, buffet attacking awesomeness would I like to see from Collins? For inspiration, Terry need look no further than Tommy Lasorda whose colorful rants can and should be sampled here. Some fans hated it when Jerry Manuel would woo the beat reporters with his maniacal cackling, but funny stories might just help us get through the next few months.

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Monday, April 11, 2011

Yer 2011 Mets: Boyer Dey Bad
 Goats Galore!!

This team is looking more like a team that can't even meet the drastically diminished expectations we have for them. After nine games against their main competition in the NL East, we see most of the same qualities we recognize from the past few years. Plus, the starters have been bailing early and the relief pitching hasn't stepped up, probably because they're not capable. Terry Collins didn't endear himself to fans Sunday leaving Duda in right field when the big defensively challenged lug seemed a candidate for defensive replacement. Duda might be better off carrying a bat into right field than a glove.
Maybe this guy was the culprit!

Either way, Mets fans can be forgiven for wishing this mediocre team could just blow games in regulation time. The sad performances in winnable games make me frustrated. The extra innings just make me mad. No one is throwing in the towel yet, but that might be because none off us can muster the energy or enthusiasm.


Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Not a "Real" Fan?

Maybe you missed this story, but the picture above is of a Giants fan who dared purchase tickets and attend a game in enemy territory. Santa Clara paramedic Bryan Stow suffered a severely fractured skull and damage to the frontal lobe of his brain when he was attacked in the Dodger Stadium parking lot last week.  According to the reports that we have, this all happened because he was wearing Giants gear. This is just one example of what is fucking shameful about our nation's past time.

I heard on the radio that the traumatized family has made a statement to the effect that the appreciate the support they have received from Dodgers fans since the incident, and that the assailants weren't "real" Dodger fans.

Unfortunately, I need to report that in my decade of attending games at Dodger Stadium, the aggressive violent attitude is exactly reflective of "real" Dodger fans. I once attended (naively) a Dodgers-Giants game sitting in the cheap seats and watched horrified, while Dodger fans--once known for their detached mildness-- taunted and pelted two groups, an old man with a Giants jacket on and a couple with a baby sitting next to them in the seat, with various items and beer. Did I throw my body in the path of the projectiles?  No, but I did write a letter to the editor of the crappy local paper the LA Times (which was ignored).

Maybe it is time for all of us to do a little more. It is unlikely we are going to get help from the individual clubs or Major League baseball. The Dodgers, for their part, want us to believe that these acts were the acts of lone thugs, not in anyway representative of Dodger fans.  Of course, they want no part of responsibility for crowd control in their own parking lot (this despite the price of parking at times over the last 10 yrs. at times eclipsing the price of actual seats). But stadium security at Dodger Stadium has been a joke for years and years--useless teens in the parking lots, ineffective and oblivious dopes "watching" the stands. The Dodgers don't want to spend the money on an extra security presence, it is as simple as that and as a result, I don't feel remotely safe there. And Dodger fans--once known for showing up late, leaving early, and being generally disinterested-- have been increasingly accepting of boorish, and even violent behavior.

Bud Selig, that joke of a commissioner, should take this seriously and kickstart an effort to change the atmosphere at games. Since Selig probably doesn't have the intellectual wherewithal to do this alone, I offer the slogan, "Reclaim the Game" (from the animals) as a starting point. If you need pictures of animal fans for the campaign, just google "average Philadelphia Phillies fan." You're welcome Bud.

What can be done? In my opinion, the implied or open threat of violence at many baseball games across the country is something that should appalling to all baseball lovers. The ranks of fans are filled, just like the ranks of humankind, with drunks, boors, and amateurs who look towards an evening at the park as an opportunity to bother others and act out their violent fantasies. It is these people that we baseball lovers should scorn, criticize and let know that we think their behavior is more suited to gatherings among their kin, state penitentiary, or wrestling events.

Clubs want to make money on alcohol sales, no matter how irresponsible that might be. They also want us to imagine the ball park as an oasis from the rat race and a place for family fun. They also want us to show our colors by purchasing preposterously expensive team gear. What do we ask for in return?  The magic of live baseball. When we give franchises a pass on security, or laugh at these assholes chants and provocations, or look the other way when they threaten others' physical security, how are we not complicit in this horseshit?

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Cole Hamels ERA 20.25
Phillies' OG Ace Assumes the Position


Monday, April 04, 2011

Questek for Your Baseball Library: New York Mets 50 Amazin' Seasons: The Complete Illustrated History

When the 1962 Mets were 0-9, a psychologist writing in the New York Times weighed in on the inner life of the new team's fans: "becoming emotionally involved with them is a kind of masochism. A kind of painless flagellation."

We now know that the prescient doctor had that half right: it is flagellation but it is by no means painless. Matthew Silverman's handsome new volume New York Mets 50 Amazin' Seasons: The Complete Illustrated History (MVP Books, 2011) can be seen as a celebration of the good doctor's naivete, and perhaps fuel for the silly hope at the core of every Met fan's psyche.

The book would be great to page through after one of the dispiriting loses characteristic of the waning years of the "New Mets"era, letting the thereputic memories of Seaver, Keith, Alfonzo, Olerud, and Robin wash over you. Or Mookie, the Kid, Tug and Rickey if that is more your taste. Or, more ignominiously, Nails, Kaz, Anthony Young, and Mr. Koo.

Silverman does a nice job arranging reproductions of team ephemera and high gloss photos around a smooth narrative of Mets history. Occasionally, he captures key Met moments with eloquent economy, such as the "long winter" that followed the Mets loss to the Yankees in the 2000 World Series where devastating memories are "recurring images flickered in darkened bedrooms late at night." Or explaining Cleon Jones' dark 1973 and the story behind his mutiny against Yogi Berra over an unrevealed injured leg taping: "The stubborn Jones did not tell his manager, and his manager drew a line in the sand, which the Mets hierarchy soon stuck their head in."

The layout is pleasing to the eye, the text peppered but not cluttered by info boxes, and there is a handy all time record book in the back of the book. When "meaningful games" return to Flushing during some future fall, perhaps fueled by the players in the book's last few pictures (Ike, Dickey), we now have a coffee table book up to the task of placing our small successes in their historical context, while tempering our enthusiasm.

Verdict: If you don't have a coffee table, you may want to get one so you have somewhere to put this beautiful book. (Note: don't buy a glass table since after all you are a Mets fan).  The book can be purchased on Amazon.

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Saturday, April 02, 2011

Los Angeles Mets Fans Gather for Safety, Enjoyment
Things don't always go this great for LA area Mets fans.

Life in Los Angeles can be brutal. For instance, temperatures this weekend may dip down into the 50s. There is no really good pizza. Plus you could go to Dodgers Stadium and be shot, stabbed, or get the crap beat out of you for wearing the wrong cap.  But if you are a Met fan in the Southland, you have to know there is a hearty band of Los Angeles area Metropolitan aficionados that, against all odds, gets together most Sundays to root for Fred Wilpon's second favorite team together.
Dodger fans are vicious and brutal and their howls scare the children.

The Greater Los Angeles New York Mets Fans Sports Bar Club, now entering its fourth year of fellowship and futility, will be having its inaugural meeting tomorrow. So come brunch and watch the powerful Met offense score in bunches against the stinking Fish of Florida.

Sunday April 3, 2011
10 AM

1351 3rd Street Promenade Santa Monica, CA 

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Opening D'oh: Mets Are Bucked
The Mets will need to deal with NL East superstars like this guy

The season is one game in and the Mets are already in midseason form--shaky defense, absentee offense, and good-but-not-good-enough pitching. And now we can look forward to reading about the Phillies' gritty triumphs and the impending departure of Jose Reyes all season. There's a lot of baseball left, of course, but tonight at least, that seems like a grueling proposition. Even in a season of diminished expectations, it is going to be tough to watch this team suck wind in the same old ways. The Phillies, Br*ves, and Marlins are all better than the Mets for sure, but the Mets should be able to give those Natinals a run for their money.

Beltran in 2008: "We are the team to beat."
Beltran in 2011: “We’re going to surprise people, that’s for sure.

As we wait for a better outcome, we still do have Omar Minaya to kick around a little. The Mets retain Omar as a fan, even if he is still clueless:
“Look, obviously, Luis Castillo and Ollie Perez didn’t work out,” he said of the second baseman and pitcher who were finally cut adrift this past month, at considerable ongoing cost. “But I can’t tell you in retrospect I wouldn’t have done it,” he added.

This kind of crap has no place in baseball. Dodgers fans are pretty terrible for a west coast team, but the stadium's crowd control and security has always been an embarrassment.

We want a hit. A charming expression of the timeless Met fan refrain Jon Springer has recovered for your listening pleasure.


Friday, April 01, 2011

Sterling Enterprises Announces New Partnership: Financial Worries in the Rearview Mirror Says Wilpon

For Mother's Day/Breast cancer awareness day!
Ending months of speculation regarding the Mets financial situation, the Wilpon Family proudly announced today that they are partnering with in an effort to raise capital in order to continue the proud family tradition of Mets ownership. As Jeff Jr. Wilpon, who headed the negotiation team, explained, "We feel the really low expectations of Mets fans--thanks to our family's history of baffling management decisions, corporate malfeasance, and general incompetence--really gave us cover to make a partnership deal that would embarrass most major league franchises outside of Kansas City and Florida."

Mets mascot gets behind his team!
"Looking around the marketplace, truckballs seem to be just the thing," Wilpon continued, "a perfect match with both the esteem in which Sterling enterprises is held in the financial community, and real value of our franchise. With this new revenue stream, Mets fans can ease their minds that the franchise will remain safely under the Wilpon family control for ever."

The Mets were mum on some of their future plans, but did release several high gloss photos of the possibilities for leveraging the fine Metropolitan brand in the near future.
Artist conception of possible product synergies
The Wilpons look towards a future of lucrative automotive related product development

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.