It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, April 03, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Mets Signed Gary Sheffield

Welcome to the family!

ITEM: The Mets have signed baseball's quintessential head case and noted political activist Gary Sheffield (still only 40 yrs old), who will potentially take playing time away from a guy they traded supposed head case Lastings Milledge for just a year or so ago. THis makes all the sense in the world for the Mets. He's the perfect fit for New York. Dont believe it? Here's Shef in June '05 after being rumored in a trade to the Mets for Mike Cameron (From 100% Injury Rate):

"It don't make a difference who it is. If I didn't choose to go there, things are gonna have to change about my whole situation, contract, years, everything. Other than that, you might as well not bother trading for me, cause you're gonna have a very unhappy player. You gonna inconvenience me, I'm gonna inconvenience every situation there is. I mean, the only reason I'm playing is 'cause I wanna play for the Yankees."

[In honor of his accomplishments, the first quote-annotated top ten list in IMFM history]

10. The Mets need him to innaugurate New Citi Field.
Citi field has extra storage space for player baggage. High outfield walls make punching fans challenging. And, they still need clown to pop out of new home run apple for opening day.

9. Omar unable to resist synergistic opportunties; Sheffield has that certain something, as the author of the critically acclaimed Inside Power,as a blogger and with R-Kelly fans.

"I tell myself every offseason I'm not going to say anything crazy. I'm just going to have a peaceful season ... Can't do it. I'm cut from a different cloth."

8. Fills injured old geezer role vacated by Moises Alou--and even better, he's yet to have his annual surgery in 2009!
Omar knows the Mets needed to get older and crazier and he accomplished this with one move.

7. As global goodwill ambassador for the Mets; has international experience and appeal in China.

6. To signal team's growing dissatisfaction with the World Baseball Classic and other made up things.

My season is when I get paid. I'm not doing that...I'm not sacrificing my body or taking a chance on an injury for something that's made up. This isn't the Olympics. That's a big difference. This is something you made up.

5. Willingness to do pants-less interviews.

4. To serve as Ryan Church's spiritual mentor.
Shef knows that "Religion is an important thing as long as you worship the right God," and is willing to answer any questions Ryan might have. For instance, about charity and giving 10% of his income to two churches: "The words say it's a requirement. It's stealing from God if you don't."

3. He once limited his losses to Scott Boras to a mere $550,000. Omar wants to learn how he did this.

2. His proud career-long commitment to African-American activism.
Who better to patrol the field next to the Jackie Robinson rotunda than an activist who knows, most likely from seeing him in the shower, that Derek Jeter isn't all the way black?

“It’s really no significance. It’s just you ain’t all the way black.”

He showed his commitments when boycotting the Marlins' trip to the White House after the '97 title: "Once we get to equal opportunity, I'll participate. I look at what's going on. I see my people struggling every day. Why should I partake in something like this, based on some wins and losses."

1. Fits well in Latin clubhouse; should react well to opportunity to outplay Latin players.

I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. ... (It's about) being able to tell (Latin players) what to do -- being able to control them. Where I'm from, you can't control us. You might get a guy to do it that way for a while because he wants to benefit, but in the end, he is going to go back to being who he is. And that's a person that you're going to talk to with respect, you're going to talk to like a man. These are the things my race demands. So, if you're equally good as this Latin player, guess who's going to get sent home? I know a lot of players that are home now can outplay a lot of these guys.

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  • At 3:38 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Nice quotes: a paean to ignorance. Welcome Garry. Sit yourself down. Shit yourself up. Hit the damn ball.

  • At 3:39 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Good grief!!! Has Livan actually LOST weight?

  • At 3:56 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I am impressed. When I last saw him he looked as big as an elephant seal.

  • At 4:06 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    maybe its his new "nick evans" diet. he only eats rookies now.

  • At 5:52 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    they have, quite fittingly, pulled the TARP over the field in the first major league Citi game. At least it doesn't look like the mets will "take a loss" tonight.

  • At 9:42 PM, Blogger ----- Jennifer ----- said…

    your blog is so good......

  • At 9:50 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i know, right?

    Jennifer I love you. Tell all your friends.


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