It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Go ahead, Say it!

By now you've heard the news. No, not that Lenny Dykstra is hiring.*

Our own Davy Boy Wright just delivered an American victory over uh...America. And the other Americans from Puerto Rico? Well, all those named Carlos who happen to be property of the NY Metsies are off the hook. Carlos Delgado pounding the ball as though he was a Toronto Blue Jay, and Carlos Beltran leaping over walls. In other words, playing meaningful baseball. F*!@ the Heck? (My interpretation of the game is that Cpt. Syphilis, Derek Jeter is the one who botched the American's chances in the first place with his fielding, by the way.)
Team America (from L to R): Wright, Roberts, Dunn, Victorino, Jeter.

I didn't think of the thing right off the bat. My first thought was, good, get those Carlos' back into camp before Marlon Anderson makes the squad. I'm no patriot. I love my country and all, but my priorities are straight. See, unlike Americans, my Flushing Fantastics never invade countries with no cause, or allow my parents' retirement to be sucked into a greedy vacuum of Wall St. assholes, or buy scores of small yappy dogs to imprison in the tiny urban apartment below me. Nope, loyalty and unconditional love for the Mets only costs my soul. And some of my integrity.

Anyhow, here they are already, so-called Sportscenter is bringing up the thing. You know, that multiple collapse thing. And how Mets fans might be asking, what about us? I'll say it: Is there a way to trick these guys into thinking they're playing for country when they strap on Wilpon's blue and orange?

"That situation is what you dream about when you're a kid," Wright said, after his heroics.

Really? Wright dreamed about playing for Team America in the World Baseball Classic? The WBC wasn't a dumb glimmer in Bud Selig's greedy eyes when Wright was a kid. Get your head on straight, Sugarpants, when you were a kid, you dreamed about winning the world series with the NY Mets. That is the situation.

So enjoy it now, fellas. Because we back here in Mets land won't shoot you if you score on your own goal, but we are getting antsy. Even if Cardinal fan Will Leitch can't write to save his life and doesn't know diddly about the Mets, he is smart enough to get some back up, and quote people who can write and do understand the Mets. And even he knows that a day of reckoning is coming for this sorry bunch of underachievers.

*ps. It looks like besides being an ex-Phillie, drug abuser, scam-artist, ignoramus, bigot and homophobe, Dykstra can't even wash a car properly!



  • At 1:06 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    I see we've come to the same conclusion about Wright's caught-up-in-the-moment dream confessional. It is the sort of statement that hits you between the eyes. Maybe he didn't dream about winning the NL East when he was a kid. Maybe he dreamt about hitting a game winning single in a meaningless faux-international exhibition game and then striking out with the bases loaded in September to blow another late-season NL East lead and sputter into oblivion. Apparently, Wright didn't have posters of Phoebe Cates or Carmen Electra on his bedroom wall when he was growing up, he had posters of who, Fernando Cabrera and Jose Oquendo? Pshaw.

    Can't wait to watch K-Rod shut down the Americans on Wednesday throwing 75 pitches to get the final 12 outs of the game.

  • At 4:12 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    Oh, come on! Did you watch the game?? It was really exciting. And weird to watch - you had to root against Met players, one way or the other. But Carlos's beautiful catch and the other Carlos's homer were wonderful to see. And Putz has been good, too!

    But I was glad the USA won. Because Delgado was quoted, incredibly, after last weekend's blowout win over the USA, as saying Carribbean players were more "passionate" about baseball than American players. Isn't this the guy who said he was BORED two summers ago? Well, I guess he got HIS comeuppance! And I forgive him, especially because he seems to be hitting well. Carlos B is hitting too, and fielding beautifully, looking healthy, and Putz and K Rod have pitched well, so what's not to be happy about!!?? Don't get mad about Collapse III til it happens.

    I guess you two just aren't into the WBC. My mother is the same way - she has been so cranky about it - she's mad the guys aren't in spring training, and she doesn't approve of "foreigners" in baseball.

    I'll admit though, I did have a moment of terror, when the other USA players attacked D Wright after his walkoff hit and POUNDED him. I thought he might need to be taken out from the bottom of the pile with a cervical collar on.

  • At 7:19 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    It is really hard to determine who is more frustrated and subsequently venomous: you or Jaap. But it does make for a good read. Keep up the good work. I revel in this kind of stuff. Just remember, you guys: we have Ollie (and Scott) for 4 more years.

  • At 8:19 PM, Anonymous jdon. said…

    I heard David Loser say today that he loves this Met team. That he has full confidence in the front office. That the WBC basehit was one of the highlights of his career, more or less. As for the phillies on the WBC, he said that dogs and cats can live together. Brought a tear to my eye.

  • At 8:32 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    MLB, WBC, who cares about any of this stuff?! This is IMFM, where those subjects are forbidden. How can any of you miss the point of this piece?! Lenny Dykstra has a nice watch.

  • At 1:19 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    katherine, we did it all for you--my real thoughts on the WBC smell like popsicles in the summer and angel farts. You gotta admit,such full participation in a meaningless tourney for a team filled with guys who seem to run out of gas in september is disconcerting.

    Your mom, does she have a blog?

    I did see the recap and that dogpile was brutal--i saw at least two guys get stomped. It looked like an after Xmas sale in the US. Tramped to death. And I wouldn't put it past Rollins to stomp on Davids hands or something.

    The dykstra business. As more of the 86ers come into the public eye, the competition for biggest sociopath-misogynist 86 Met heats up. It's no longer a one-Keith race. Straw's "I would have done roids if I wasnt doing something far worse" was like a call to arms. What's next, Tim Teufel keeps little boys in a special pit in his basement? I read that book about their bad behavior a long time ago, but damn, those guys really were bastards. The dregs of society. Our heroes.

  • At 1:24 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    I dunno - what really cracks me up and in essence, summarises the insanity of the world in general is that there are clearly sufficient muppets out there who feel the need to write comments reviewing a bloody car wash, taking it seriously, like air freshener quality and crayons melting under a parking brake (was that you writing that last one, young Mr Forme?) instead of searching for Lenny Dykstra's crack pipe under the desk in the manager's office to auction off on eBay or something.

  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger Subway Squawkers said…

    I posted some of your David Wright comments on Subway Squawkers, and added a few mockeries of my own. Our readers are not pleased!

  • At 2:41 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    wow squawker lisa, you threw me to the wolves. my sarcasm doesn't have the legs i thought.

    Mets fans have no sacred cows. We have Mo Vaughn though.

  • At 5:52 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    These are my kind of blogs: wretched sports nihilists flailing against the vagaries of Fate.

  • At 6:44 PM, Blogger Subway Squawkers said…

    Don't worry - the wolves, such as they are, only went after me! ;)
    David Wright is the Mets' Jeter - anybody who criticizes either of them will hear it!

    We do have a nifty new contest, though, at - write an essay on the baseball clip you never get tired of seeing and get a chance to win a free HAVA.


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