Go ahead, Say it!

By now you've heard the news. No, not that Lenny Dykstra is hiring.*

Our own Davy Boy Wright just delivered an American victory over uh...America. And the other Americans from Puerto Rico? Well, all those named Carlos who happen to be property of the NY Metsies are off the hook. Carlos Delgado pounding the ball as though he was a Toronto Blue Jay, and Carlos Beltran leaping over walls. In other words, playing meaningful baseball. F*!@ the Heck? (My interpretation of the game is that Cpt. Syphilis, Derek Jeter is the one who botched the American's chances in the first place with his fielding, by the way.)



Team America (from L to R): Wright, Roberts, Dunn, Victorino, Jeter.

I didn't think of the thing right off the bat. My first thought was, good, get those Carlos' back into camp before Marlon Anderson makes the squad. I'm no patriot. I love my country and all, but my priorities are straight. See, unlike Americans, my Flushing Fantastics never invade countries with no cause, or allow my parents' retirement to be sucked into a greedy vacuum of Wall St. assholes, or buy scores of small yappy dogs to imprison in the tiny urban apartment below me. Nope, loyalty and unconditional love for the Mets only costs my soul. And some of my integrity.

Anyhow, here they are already, so-called Sportscenter is bringing up the thing. You know, that multiple collapse thing. And how Mets fans might be asking, what about us? I'll say it: Is there a way to trick these guys into thinking they're playing for country when they strap on Wilpon's blue and orange?

"That situation is what you dream about when you're a kid," Wright said, after his heroics.

Really? Wright dreamed about playing for Team America in the World Baseball Classic? The WBC wasn't a dumb glimmer in Bud Selig's greedy eyes when Wright was a kid. Get your head on straight, Sugarpants, when you were a kid, you dreamed about winning the world series with the NY Mets. That is the situation.

So enjoy it now, fellas. Because we back here in Mets land won't shoot you if you score on your own goal, but we are getting antsy. Even if Cardinal fan Will Leitch can't write to save his life and doesn't know diddly about the Mets, he is smart enough to get some back up, and quote people who can write and do understand the Mets. And even he knows that a day of reckoning is coming for this sorry bunch of underachievers.

*ps. It looks like besides being an ex-Phillie, drug abuser, scam-artist, ignoramus, bigot and homophobe, Dykstra can't even wash a car properly!