It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Italy's Olenberger Auditions for Mets Pen (A year too late we hope)

http://www.mtv.com/onair/thats_amore/assets/images/logo/281x211.jpg
Mets fans weren't the only community hit hard by rumors concerning Mike Piazza's sexuality


The replaceMets barely beat team Italy. The way this pitching staff is looking, I wouldn't be surprised if some Met rookie scrub is wondering if Italy plays in the National League East.


http://cache.deadspin.com/archives/mike_piazza_blonde.jpg
A bad Piazza lifestyle choice.

A stoo gats! This calls for an Italian-themed post!

First of all, the news is out. The Mets are more successful than the Spankees!

Fugettabout it!

***

http://www.murraychass.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/mike-piazza-tommy-lasorda.jpg
Two Italian guys discuss the Pope and personal hygiene, probably.

Murray "Put the Ass in" Chass has pulled ahead of Marty "Pants" Noble in the race for NY's grumpiest columnist. This competition is about as dubious as the race for Mets fifth starter, but still, Chass scores some mean points (for example, dissing Joel Sherman in his opening breath) in his latest pathbreaking blog about Mike Piazza's back acne. He even outs poor Alyssa Milano as a back acne sufferer, if I read him right. Zits now count as "circumstantial evidence." And I thought the Bush administration had been deposed! I think we can read between the lines and realize that Chass is really saying that the Pizza man was going through puberty when he played for the Mets! Chass is a true professional, though, and his post contains none of what he knows about Mike's premature ejaculation, embarrassing voice changes, and trouble with girls.

***
Maine on Maine: I suck! Now it looks like he's shelving the curveball--that guy Warthen can't get no love! Maine has to figure out a way to put hitters away is all I know. If you believe the NY press, replacement Jacket Warthen is quietly alienating the entire Mets staff. So I will hold off on learning his name.

http://www.nyrealestatelawblog.com/Mafia.jpg
Met great John Franco is kind enough to pose for our themed post

A-rod has a torn labia!

The Dominican Republic team loses absolutely nothing by the addition of Fernando "it is better to look good than to be good" Tatis in place of Arod. Hell, this guy was Comeback Player of the Year, y'all! Actually, I think they're sliding in another roid freak, Miggy Tejada. But you know Tatis will carry Tejada's equipment with all the grace with which he fatally injured himself last season going for a routine fly ball.

***
Hmm the Mets allowed damn near their entire team (16 in all) to play the WBC...80 pitch drills and getoutahere...but I don't recall any chapter named "Let all your players participate in meaningless, potentially dangerous activities while they get ready for the regular season" in the book "How to Win a World Championship." Now if we can get Arod to play left field for the Mets, we a got a somethin! The Other Fernando, meanwhile, is still troublingly shelved with elbow stuff.
***

Every Marlon Anderson hit, every step he takes towards being included on yet another Omar roster is another punch in the face of Mets fandom. I often make Marlon Anderson jokes not realizing that he is still playing for the Mets. It's not funny after I realize it. It is still funny that Stash is still with the Mets though. No Met team ever collapsed with Stash at the helm.

***
The dream is over, to have this guy somehow not run out groundballs for our beloved Mets. I guess we'll just have to be content to watch this guy not run out ground balls for the Mets. Now we can only dream that we read something like this:

"I'm baaaaack," [Manny] said after stepping to the microphone. "I want to thank the McCourts Wilpons for doing a good investment."

***
Old Man Moises Alou is officially the last human being to tire of his nagging injuries.

Abondanza! TonyDanza!

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10 Comments:

  • At 4:41 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    e gets far too much cred from NY writers. He has terrible focus, loses his control at the drop of a hat, and, you are so right, has no putaway pitch. Mets overrate their talent big time. This is because Omar is a doofus. I used to just despise Omar as a joke in the professional sense. But i am starting to hate him on the personal level. I am going to have to go to a baseball psychologist before I lose my love for the game. I could actually die before the Wilpons send him packing. And the sad part is, they will probably replace him with a bigger doofus. Maybe the government will nationalize the Mets.

     
  • At 4:43 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I lost the first part of the thread. I wsanted to say that the more I look at Maine, the more I think he is nothing but a borderline 5 or maybe a 6.

     
  • At 1:12 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    I'd like to worry about Maine but I can't spare the anxiety--look at the rest of the rotation!

    Now Pelfrey is injured.

    Garcia et al have blown. And the Mets will have less time to brain wash Perez out of whatever bad habits he teaches himself in the WBC.

    Redding might have been trying to ingratiate himself with Michigan alumnae Fred Wilpon by being unable to get a bunch of juniors out. It's early but I predict Brandon Knight and Nelson Figueroa and Tony Armas will see meaningful games, and not on tv as it should be. Who would've thunk it?

     
  • At 5:26 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    If they see meaninful games, the season will soon become meaningless. Better soon than late. They cannot endure another trauma.

     
  • At 8:25 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    Oh, IMFM, don't be so crabby about the WBC! It is amazing! I went to the first USA vs Canada game and it was one of the best baseball games I ever watched. And the atmosphere was so fun.
    It is a weird feeling, to be transfixed by baseball at such an early point. But you have to admit some amazing things are happening. Netherlands beating the DR, for example????

     
  • At 9:15 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    Oh my god.... Against AUSTRALIA, this is how Oliver Perez's pitching outing began in the 1st inning: single - homer - homer. He lasted 2 innings: 4 runs, 7 hits.

    YAY Ollie! Way to cover yourself with glory!

     
  • At 10:38 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Gee go figure, Ollie signs big contract, commences sucking. I really didn't want him back. Really.

    OP. Australian for SUCK!

     
  • At 8:17 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    I see that photo of the bleached-blonde Piazza, to be kind, I'll say, not my taste. Anyway, I wonder if there is a connection with the announcement that Giuseppe Franco won't have his commercials on Met games this season. IMFM, time for some investigative reporting - contact Deep Throat!

     
  • At 11:29 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    watched part of the replaceMETs game today on SNY courtesy of the new MLB network. Recognized no one. Except for the little guy who hit the grand slam, he looked familiar. Even Gary's voice sounded strange.

     
  • At 4:41 AM, Anonymous Folkert Knieper said…

    Hello,

    please remove this picture: http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk312/happy_camper69/spaghetti_bolognese_simple.jpg

    It is against the copyright of www.marions-kochbuch.de

    Thank you
    Folkert Knieper

     

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