David Wright is Not Porking Erin Andrews and Other Developments

The boys' crotches in... uh, happier times.

It seems that this rumor was just a hoax, or was this hoax just a rumor? In any event, now I have to find something else to put under the Christmas tree this year for Jaap.

***

At least Davyboy is a little more discerning in his choice of dalliances than his goofy pal, Jose Reyes. Do to previous commitments, I might have to break a promise to myself to spend the off-season reading up on Jose's cheating ways, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Or check out his "road beef's" website, a tribute to the virtues of "beauty and brains" and featuring the best strategic use of playing cards since Rickey and Bobby roamed the Mets clubhouse.

***

I hear tell that the new Mets pitcher (he of the unspoken surname), J.J. Putz is something of a practical joker, which should be a nice match with the Mets clubhouse where the climate ranges from boredom to impotence, depending on which collapse is under discussion. The old Mets idea of clubhouse fun was having Billy Wagner tape a threatening, if misspelled, note to your locker, or watching Carlos Delgado age.

***

Poor, out-of-his-weight-class Will Leitch's "analysis" of the Pedro Martinez era is drawing much notice around the innertubes, mostly for its comically unforced inaccuracies. Though I have been a critic of the Petey signing (mostly in easy, hindsight mode I admit), this "effort" mostly just proves the enduring wisdom of the proverb provided by the late FJM, that in modern sports writing, "you can just say anything you want and no one will care."

***

Davidoff thinks Omar might be learning from his mistakes, particularly the ones where he signs and resigns oldsters for their clubhouse magic. I dunno 'bout that, but for those keeping score, there is an interesting list of the 7 over 40 yrs old players whose convalescence Omar helped fund in his term so far. Can you guess them all without cheating?* Omar certainly has not stopped throwing gobs of money at the "best" players available each winter. Me, I'm pretty sure that Omar still falls for the extended warranty every trip to Radio Shack.

***

Sorry lord, but Andy Pettite is a goddamned serial liar, and the "media" refuses to call him out. A true Yankee. First, he implicates his own father while selling out best buddy Roidger Clemens, now he and agents spread a bald-faced lie about having a three year, $36 million offer from a mystery bidder. Is that what Jesus would do, Andy? If Pettite told me the sky was blue, I'd step outside for some fact checking and I'd bring an umbrella.

***

In Aaron Heilman news, Aaron is already making demands in Seattle, and picking out his closer music (or rather, his wife is on it). Things are looking up for Aaron (who thinks consistency is his biggest problem) because there is ample parking in Peoria, AZ, the home of the Mariner's spring training facility. A team that resented Ichiro for playing through injury is gonna love this guy!

***

Today marks the tense Day 51 of Orlando Hernandez' Free Agency. Do you know where your GM is?

*Sadly Alomar Jr., Old Man Moises Alou, Jeff Conine!, Julio Franco-stein, Toothless Gl*vine, Old Duque! and Roberto Hernandez. Betcha didn't remember Conine or guess that Luis Castillo was not 40!