It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, December 22, 2008

David Wright is Not Porking Erin Andrews and Other Developments
The boys' crotches in... uh, happier times.

It seems that this rumor was just a hoax, or was this hoax just a rumor? In any event, now I have to find something else to put under the Christmas tree this year for Jaap.


At least Davyboy is a little more discerning in his choice of dalliances than his goofy pal, Jose Reyes. Do to previous commitments, I might have to break a promise to myself to spend the off-season reading up on Jose's cheating ways, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Or check out his "road beef's" website, a tribute to the virtues of "beauty and brains" and featuring the best strategic use of playing cards since Rickey and Bobby roamed the Mets clubhouse.


I hear tell that the new Mets pitcher (he of the unspoken surname), J.J. Putz is something of a practical joker, which should be a nice match with the Mets clubhouse where the climate ranges from boredom to impotence, depending on which collapse is under discussion. The old Mets idea of clubhouse fun was having Billy Wagner tape a threatening, if misspelled, note to your locker, or watching Carlos Delgado age.


Poor, out-of-his-weight-class Will Leitch's "analysis" of the Pedro Martinez era is drawing much notice around the innertubes, mostly for its comically unforced inaccuracies. Though I have been a critic of the Petey signing (mostly in easy, hindsight mode I admit), this "effort" mostly just proves the enduring wisdom of the proverb provided by the late FJM, that in modern sports writing, "you can just say anything you want and no one will care."

Davidoff thinks Omar might be learning from his mistakes, particularly the ones where he signs and resigns oldsters for their clubhouse magic. I dunno 'bout that, but for those keeping score, there is an interesting list of the 7 over 40 yrs old players whose convalescence Omar helped fund in his term so far. Can you guess them all without cheating?* Omar certainly has not stopped throwing gobs of money at the "best" players available each winter. Me, I'm pretty sure that Omar still falls for the extended warranty every trip to Radio Shack.


Sorry lord, but Andy Pettite is a goddamned serial liar, and the "media" refuses to call him out. A true Yankee. First, he implicates his own father while selling out best buddy Roidger Clemens, now he and agents spread a bald-faced lie about having a three year, $36 million offer from a mystery bidder. Is that what Jesus would do, Andy? If Pettite told me the sky was blue, I'd step outside for some fact checking and I'd bring an umbrella.


In Aaron Heilman news, Aaron is already making demands in Seattle, and picking out his closer music (or rather, his wife is on it). Things are looking up for Aaron (who thinks consistency is his biggest problem) because there is ample parking in Peoria, AZ, the home of the Mariner's spring training facility. A team that resented Ichiro for playing through injury is gonna love this guy!


Today marks the tense Day 51 of Orlando Hernandez' Free Agency. Do you know where your GM is?

*Sadly Alomar Jr., Old Man Moises Alou, Jeff Conine!, Julio Franco-stein, Toothless Gl*vine, Old Duque! and Roberto Hernandez. Betcha didn't remember Conine or guess that Luis Castillo was not 40!

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  • At 2:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    RE: Heilman "making demands"....I read the link, he made no demands. What are you referring to or are you just trying to create your own news.

  • At 10:08 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Dear Anonymous,
    See, this is the kind of question I appreciate, giving me an opportunity to explain the comic arts when other forums I have used in the past are no longer available (childrens' birthday parties) to me as the result of a flagging economy and a few court orders. On to the content: Instead of just keeping his trap shut, being grateful that anyone at all wants him outside of Mexico or Japan, Heilman is already suggesting how he would like his new team to utilize his abilities.

    Since Heilman is persona non grata around here after years of being the poster-boy for Mets failure, I take an exaggerated tone and don't cut him any slack. What makes it absolutely hilarious is that I exaggerate his "suggestions" into "demands." I take an interview where he sounds rather reasonable and make it sound like he is a diva with needs out of proportion to his value as a player (he is having his wife pick out closer music though). Note that many of the other items in this post are, as they say, tongue-in-cheek. For instance, why would anyone care that that drastic failure, Orlando Hernandez, is now available to the highest bidder? See disclaimer at footer of blog for further clarity. You seem like a great candidate for my "Itsmetsforme Insider" service (very popular in the midwest and some non-English speaking parts of N. Korea), where subscribers get special snark-free content that directly corresponds to the world they know in every detail, so if you would mail be a bank check for $1300, I can contact you with details. Thanks for reading and feel free to contact me with any further content questions.

  • At 3:26 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    NEWSWATCH 2009--Get your ducks in a row, IMFM! Dot your I's and cross your T's or your advertisers will bail on you.

  • At 7:53 AM, Blogger metsfanincincy said…

    What?! Say it ain't so! You mean to say that we shouldn't take everything you say as Gospel? That's it, IMFM, I'm dumping you for Metsblog. At least I don't have to worry about you forcing humor on me there. Or anyone else for that matter.

    BTW, anonymous critical commentor = douchebag sans testicles.

  • At 5:19 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    To Anonymous: If you are going to criticize, please use correct grammar. You should ask, "To what are you referring", not "What are you referring to". Don't you know, you should never end a phrase with a preposition?

    Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah, everybody. And I just KNOW this next season is going to be great. At long last, this time, the guys will come through!


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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.