It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Mets Rid Themselves of Heilman, Land a Real Putz
Aaron Heilman contemplates one last NY Christmas with Snoopy before being shipped out to Seattle.

I admit, I was a bit disappointed so far: No deals with great names (not necessarily great players but great names) had yet to go through. No "morning, Wood" for my headlines. No "He Dunn gone and Did it." Not a trace of "A Penny wise, a dollar short."

But then Omar answered my wildest dreams. He landed a real Putz.

A Christmas Putz? Perhaps. Let the yuks begin!!
Even LOLcats are down with the idea of a dominant back of the bullpen!
Who you calling Putz?

"Fans, Sunday is JJ Putz soul patch day...first 20,000 fans get a soul patch facial hair application..."

Not sure if Omar perhaps gave away a smidgen too much, but he got a bonafide set up man while exorcising a nice swath of shitty 2006-8 bullpen. THE GUY IS 31 YRS OLD*, but now the Mets have a set up guy and potential replacement for Frank the Closer. I hope Pedreadful's ticket is next to be punched. He'd look nice in a Pirate uniform. Or a Pittsburgh Pirate uniform. No truth to the rumor that Ichiro tried to stowaway in Putz' checked baggage, since he's heard the Ibanez rumors too.
YES! we're gonna have so much fun!

What did the Mets get? A guy who was injured last year, with closer experience, a guy who was lights out a year ago. There's some potential there depending on how he grows into his new role. But I'm not that familiar with Putz the player. Putz the man. Putz the competitor. Who among us watched many Mariners games? If the song "A boy named Sue" is any indication, and of course it is, then we might have acquired one tough customer. But we won't know until we really get to know this Putz.
Oberst Franz Putz, possibly JJ's great uncle?

Of course I still want more relievers some offense, a decent bench for pete's sake and lordy lordy, three more servicable starters. And Pedreadful out of here too. Don't think I've forgotten you, Scott Showenshitbag.
Rumored value of Pedro Felicianoh on the open market.


Yes, of course I will holding a "Good Riddance Poopyface" gala extravaganza celebration. But these things take time. And planning.

The parking spot denied to Aaron Heilman now emptier than ever.

It's funny that the Gnats offered Mark Teixeira 140 mil and a 40 year sentence, er contract in DC. Is Garth Snow GM'ing the Washington club? In that clubhouse, they need to assure him his car won't be jacked while he takes batting practice. If the Red Sox land him, my first thought is, yikes. But then upon closer consideration, it seems to me that if the Mets can't have 'em, we want the Red Sox and Yankers to suck up as many stars as their bloated budgets can handle. After all, only one of them can come out of the AL East and go to the World Series.

And the Yanks looking to throw themselves on that old Medi-bomb AJ Burnett. That has me giggling, especially if it hurts the Br*ves plans. If Atlanta signs him, he'd probably turn into Cy Young.
Free agent Burnett fields lucrative free agent offers.


More Mariners Coming? Up next...
Will Raul miss his pals in Seattle as much as he misses baseballs hit to him?




  • At 12:12 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    "Frank the Closer"

    get it?

    dagnabbit I got a nick for KRod. that wasn't easy.

    GIF of Ibenhad fielding not moving for some reason.

  • At 4:58 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    What do you mean "if they gave up too much?" Are you going to miss Maikel Cleto? Endy Shitvez? Aaron Heilwoman? Jason Vargas? Ah, you are a secret Joe Smith admirer. I liked him too. Although his pitches seemed to start flattening out in September. Still he was young. Please tell me what the motivation of the Seattle GM was? To get rid of a pitcher with a torn rotator cuff? I cannot figure it. Unless he is related to Heilwoman in some way. But I will take this. I will not miss Endless and his 12 RBIs although Gary Cohen may have an emotional adjustment to make. We still do not beat the Phillies. Because Omar has a blind spot to the most serious weakness of this team: its character(or lack thereof) on offense. No matter how good or bad our pitching was, om the last three seasons we found ourselves in a gamed to either win the division or at least get to the playoffs. What is the point of all of this if we struggle all year and are playing for the wild card on the last weekend of the season, and we get shut down by Jason Bergman?

  • At 6:02 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    I'll remind you of the stat my mother saw at the end of the season this year: If games were called at the end of the eighth inning - the Mets would have won the division handily this year. SO even though our offense is imperfect, it should be good enough for us to win so long as Frank the Closer and JJ meet expectations!!!

    How does this happen to me every year? I just barely regain my equanimity after the painful end to the season, I resign myself to NOT CARING SO MUCH about baseball next season, then WHAM!! The Mets do something that makes me really believe this'll be our year!

    By the way, IMFM, my security software, McAfee, went crazy this morning trying to discourage me from visiting this site. They claimed you would try and fraudulently obtain financial and banking information. If you're trying to technologically siphon off my vast wealth, don't bother. George W and cronies have already taken care of that. But I came anyway, in the hopes you might mistakenly pay my Visa bill.

  • At 10:08 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    You are what is known as a cockeyed optimist. I, on the other hand, am a cockeyed pessimist. As I said last year, I do not like this group, did not enjoy watching them, and still had my fingers crossed as they puked it up at the end against the great Scott Olson. Whatever makes you happy, Katherine. I will believe the Mets are doing everything to win when Manny starts the season for us in left field.

  • At 10:46 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Katherine, i am only syphoning off my readers vast patience and fraudulently trying to obtain your attention, like a crying snot faced kid in a mall, not your financial info. I wonder if its the animation i swiped? It's just too fun to watch, but maybe i should remove it. I have to say, I don't yet have any feeling (like I did the last 3 years) that this is our year. So maybe it will be!?!

    Jdon, you had me at "Endless". That's a great nickname. He was so overrated by fans--after all they lost the damn game! My own reaction puzzles me a bit since i want them all gone. Maybe it was the inclusion of Smith. But I never really went in for the Mets Magical Sidearmer Strategy, (do we need gimmick pitchers, like a knuckleballer, a half centaur, and a one armed split finger guy?) and if I liked him at all, it was due to his ridiculous chest thumping at Cubs fans last season. I just feel vaguely ripped off. But I plan to feel better when Feliciano is sent to outer space.

    You give me a great idea for a contest: before the season, contestants must guess which shitbag nobody pitcher we get shut down by in that pivotal game, the game when the mets are eliminated from the playoffs... Jason Bergman is a nice start. Let's see, it was Olson this season, who was it last year? Other than Toothless Tom?

  • At 11:08 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I don't know about 2007, but Suppan made me furious in 2006. A top lineup doesn't submit to a Suppan. The Yankess, as bad as they have choked recently, would have ripped him a new one with their lineup. I think we Got J.J. cheap, unless he has secretly revealed to the Mariners that he intends to get a sex change operation this June.

  • At 2:51 PM, Anonymous Dan said…

    I heard the biggest reason for the trade was to make your headline writing a bit easier. Now we just need to sign Wang and the post count here at will soar.

  • At 3:38 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    You shouldn't be so mean to Endy. He did have a bad year last year. But remember his game winning drag bunt in 2007? That was one of the greatest things I ever saw. And people take his fielding for granted, because he gets to EVERYTHING without having to dive or act all dramatic about it.

  • At 3:40 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Well Dan, upon further consideration, it's actually going to be more difficult because the names are so obvious: "Putz", "Rod"; any schmuck with a shred of Saichel can fit Putz in their headline, any Shmendrik can make a shmeckle joke. So it turns out that the marginal comedic utility of Putz is Bubkis. A Klog is mir.

    As for my post counts, the study I commissioned found that they are proportional to the rate at which I post Huston Street in dress pdfs and lol cats.

  • At 3:41 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Ok the drag bunt was pretty cool. But still, it was lonely thinking Endy was defensively overrated so I feel better already.

  • At 3:46 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Aint it swell when a guy name Cole Hamels can call your team a choke artist (according to Steve "Pops" Popper? If only this team was inspirable.

  • At 4:49 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I made the mistake of reading Dan's comment while I was eating alone and almost choked to death. Don't you love it when you hear Omar talk about what a great guy Ibanez is? Even more important than his play, he is a great guy, Omar said a week or two ago. Who said it was more important? Jimmy Rollins behaved like a turd all year. Brett Myers used his wife's face for a punching bag on a public street. JC Romero fights with his catcher, his manager and anyone else who happens to be around. Cole Hamels is a GIANT ASSHOLE, and what do they all have in common? While we sit here fondly remembering a drag bunt.

  • At 4:53 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I want some scum sucking dirtbags for our team and I want them NOW!


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