It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Top Ten Chapter Titles of Scott Bora$ Book on Oliver Perez

Item: the Mets are still considering re-signing Oliver Perez, who continues to sit on the market attracting little interest even though as you will recall, his agent, none-other-than Scott Boras, has penned a book about him. Here are some of the chapter titles Boras might have reconsidered if he wanted a Burnett-like free-agent feeding frenzy for Ollie, who he claims should be thought of in the same group as Koufax, Johan Santana, CC Sabathia, and Cy Young.

10. "The Day Ollie Forgot his Pants!"
9. “Perez Turns Corner in 2006, Runs into Wedding Cake Carried by some Friendly Clowns”
8. “Oliver Wins the Balsa Wood Boat Regatta at Cub Scout Troop 383 Scout Jamboree”
7. “A Rare Young Left-Handed Starting Pitcher, Available on the Free-Agent Market, and for Parties”
6. "Showers are for big boys!"
5. “Ollie shares a Cab with Johan and CC”
4. “Why was Billy So Mean to one of Baseball’s Top 5 Left-Handed Starting Pitchers?”
3. "Ollie is One of America's Next Top Models"
2. “Perez Eats Innings and also, a Credit Card Once Accidentally”
1. “Sure Perez Wants More Money Than God, But Not as Much as Zito"

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  • At 9:22 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    talk about down and out, even Chan Ho Park is betting against the Mets!

    He must now be known as: Chan Ho Citizens Bank Parking Lot

  • At 4:32 PM, Blogger Jaap said…

    thing is, if you were a douchebag pitcher with no concentration, wouldn't you hire Boras to sort you out?
    of course.
    admire him for his sensibility and pray he doesn't get overpaid to pitch for the Mets

  • At 2:58 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    If Ollie had so many problems last year (especially the first half) when he was preparing to become a free agent, how is he going to be, pitching for the same old Mets, with a multi-year contract under his belt? Geuh, I don't like to even think about it.

    I actually like him a lot as a person, I thought he handled the Billy Wagner criticism magnificently last season, but I am really tired of seeing him implode on the mound. I would rather suffer through agonies with an unknown quantity/rookie at this point.

    Let him go, though preferably not to a division rival. Because you know he will pitch like Cy Young against us.

  • At 10:29 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i should note that I got an email ("the flushing flash") entitled "a message from JJ." Why not "Howdy from Putz?" The Mets have apparently renamed the guy JJ.
    The Mets are always the family business.

  • At 6:33 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    pleeeeeeeease-no ollie. no more mr. stupid. no more lovable clown. no more hesitation leg kick or hop over the foul line. sign a grown up.

  • At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Kate said…

    God this post is especially depressing even years later, like "Titanic," why did I come here?? Curse you!!!!
    Tooling around looking for a new post....


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