It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Odds, Ends and Odd Ends

What have you missed while you've been hoarding food, clipping coupons, quietly taking your kids out of their fancy school, and abandoning your sailboat ?
It's Marlon Anderson's new joint, and it dropped yo!

Planned April 1st blog name change to "It's Marlon Anderson For Me" canceled
But the photo essay's still on. He's on the team again! Ain't he swell? And he's all ours.

Mets finally get to see what all the fuss is about

Wondering why our boys never seemed to take any lessons from the way they blew game 7 and a possible World Championship in 2006 against the Cardinals out their asses? The answer has been revealed....they just this week got around to watching it!! Yes, fellas, that's why your fans are getting sick of your act. That's why Aaron Heilman's car was always getting smeared with feces and shaving cream.

Livan takes his rightful, hereditary place as rotation anchor
In terms of sheer mass, Livan Hernandez is pound for pound the Mets greatest pitcher.

Snakebitten by SI
The magazine best known for making the world of teen boys safe for porn has picked the Mets to win the 2009 World Series. I say we can draw a lot of confidence from this. The SI folks know two things: bodypaint and baseball! However, rumor is, SI traded the prediction for a promise that Livan Hernandez will pose for the swimsuit issue next year. It'll look something like this.
SI synergy! Uh Sinergy?


Ah, fuck a duck!
Snub-a-dub-dub, Gary Carter is pissed. And it's not just cause he caught a glimpse of his HoF plaque (jeesh!). No the Mets have done him wrong. The Kamera Kid is keeping count and he thinks the Mets have snubbed him twice now! He didn't get to catch the ceremonial pitches for the closing of Shea or the opening of TARP field. He does have something of a point, since he did actually win a championship for the Mets, he is in the Hall of Fame, and he did it all fueled not by substances but by an unwavering, insatiable thirst for attention. In the interview I read about, he was too classy to bring up his replacement's flaws: Mike Piazza's backne, or Tom Terrific's problem drinking. It's funny because Carter, other than throwing his hat in the ring for Willie's job before the Mets had fired him, is practically the only member of the 1986 Mets who hasn't been on a mission to bring discredit upon themselves and the club. Hell, the Expos snubbed him even worse, by destroying themselves before they could snub him.
At least we know what Carter's corpse will look like.

I think I'm turning...the channel, I really think so
In all the excitement, most Mets fans have missed a milestone. The Mets have acquired their first Japanese player since the great KazMat debacle. Sure they were in on Dice-K thing. What do we know about 高橋 建? He is a 投手 and his name is 高橋 建. He was a stand-out Carp. He was in the Blue Jays camp just the other day and hurt himself fielding a bunt. Also, he uses his left arm to throw baseballs. Will 高橋 建 have what it takes to make us forget Mr Koo or even Yoshiit? He's only 40 so he'll have plenty of time to work his way up to the major league club before he dies.

Now if only the Marlins broadcasters would follow suit
The Orioles broadcast team finally got sick of waiting for the O's to become watchable. This is hilarious until you realize it really sets a bad example for Keith Hernandez, who is often tempted to sneak out of games.

What the heck does Citi Field Remind YOU of?
To me, it kind of recalls a Pep Boy's head.
According to the graphic in the NY Times, the place will have farther, taller walls.

Taller Walls, Some of Them Farther

Lord knows I have no clue why the Mets make certain decisions. Is this the appropriate right field with which to showcase their concussed and otherwise oft-disoriented right-fielder? He may have got his Church bell rung a few times and lived to tell about it (thanks, Marlon), but the crazy ass contours may affect him like flashing lights affect epileptics. And more seriously, why is the wall 15 feet high where most of David Wright's homers go?

Bulldogs can talk...out their asses!
I was excited to see one of ESPN's Baseball Tonight geniuses, in this case, one-time Met destroyer and professional gambler Orel Hershiser, pick our boys to prosper in the NL East. Then I got to this sentence, concerning the Phillies:

"At first glance, their defense is improved with Raul Ibanez in left field in place of Pat Burrell. Defense has become a more important part of baseball now that the sport is turning the page on the steroids era."

If by defense, you mean, ball avoidance, then maybe Orel is right on. And as for the ROids, I'll let a Phillie phan do the talking: "The newest addition, 37 year old Ibanez spent the first 10 years or so wallowing in mediocrity before finally becoming a top notch 100 RBI run producer with the Seattle Mariners." (Follow the link for a hilarious take on Fat Squirrel, by the way.) Anyways, later on, Orel says:

And, of course, there is Chase Utley. He is like the rising sun. He's always going to be there. He
is just amazing.

Well, only if your rising sun has broken hands, hip surgery etc. I checked and the Mets team (1999) did not feature any paragons of perpetual injury like Mo Vaughn or anything, so I don't know where he gets his ideas. Has Orel watched any baseball lately? Or has he trained to be a broadcaster at the feet of Steve Phillips? Who knows. I guess I won't put much stock in his predictions.

Don't forget to check out my exciting new side project, a lifestyle blog for the coming great depression, POOP: Nourish the Inner Misanthrope, which I started April 1st. If you've ever wanted to know just a bit more about me and my creative process, I have no idea why, but you can go there and follow the links to even more disturbing babble. Oh and hit that Hype button there too willya? I need validation.



  • At 9:06 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    It is a little known fact but true. The reason Livan can not go back to Cuba has nothing to do with his defection. The Cuban government does not want its citizens to see live evidence of how much food there actually is in America. They can explain it away as trick photography when the occasional picture of Michael Moore slips through to their media, praising their medical system.

  • At 9:14 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I wondered the same thing about right field. Is there something particularly delightful about seeing an opponents double pinball into an inside the park homer? I cannot blame Church if he goes into Abreu-mode this year. Iget the impression some Dungeons and Dragons nerds designed it.

  • At 2:27 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    jdon: exactly.

    a question that has never been asked and demands more research: what is fun about pinball potential inside the parkers? Inside the parkers are memorable, but always seemed kind of cheap to me, especially if the guy just falls down in the outfield. I think they rank low on the dignity scale for a way to score, for what that's worth.

    The other thing angering me for some reason is all the stories about obstructed view seats in this new "state of the art" stadium. I read that the original design called for tunnels but somehow those ridiculous, view blocking stairwells are everywhere. Why not just install elevators between the fans and the field. Intimate my ass. It just seems to me that job one would be to make sure the seats can view the goddamn field, not have extra condiments at the concessions. Sterling should be forced to post a list of crappy seats so we can avoid buying them should we make the effort to visit $iti Field.

  • At 10:47 PM, Blogger Jaap said…

    Mr Forme, I am spectacularly disappointed that you didn't take the opportunity, once discussing Takahashi, to put that slow motion video of his pitching motion which was linked within the article you linked, to Handel's Water Music. Of course, recognising the time constraints placed upon you by the development of a second and potentially vastly entertaining blog, you might have enlisted jdon's secret dog to do the dubbing work on the video, I dunno, just a suggestion. It seems like that stupid dog is going to have to be put to work to keep it from making all those barking and whining noises that upset the fragile balance of insanity and creativity that is constantly at war in that magical brain of yours.


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