Top 10 Reasons Clemens Signed with the Yankees

**Now with extra bonus reasons for extra hating**

12. Andy Pettitte constant complaining that shopping at Crate and Barrel, long walks on the beach, and banana daiquiris are just not the same without Roger
11. Cashmen figured it was either add Clemens or the entire Florida Marlins club to the Yankees roster, and Yankees just can't afford to feed Miguel Cabrera .
10. Won't be teams ugliest player, not with Jorge Posada and all
9. Yanks promise to acquire Clemen's son Kobe, so Roger can throw at his head during minor league tune-ups
8. Brian Cashman moves to shore up Yankees in the "Steroid-Fueled Egomaniac" department after Gary Sheffield's departure
7. Two words (about Jason Giambi): expert injector
6. Cashman finally concedes to Clemen's fuzzy bunny slippers demands
5. Car he got from Yankees for retiring the first time needs new timing belt
4. He thought it was the ball
3. Because Derek Jeter sucks. Really.
2. Craves relative anonymity of New York's #2 team
1. New York location allows convenient access to both MLB Commissioner's office and Washington D.C. so Clemens can attend his upcoming steroids testimony