It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, March 31, 2006

Around the Horny (for you Anna)

Wow, only two days to go until opening day.

The roster looks set and the lineup looks decent. Promising youth everywhere. And, I saw with my own eyes a picture of Looper in a Cardinals jersey, so I know it's safe to come out from under my bed in my Mets jammy's with the feet. Vic Zambonehead's injury is not too bad. There isn't even much "funk" in the bullpen. The lead singer from Queensryche is going to sing the national anthem on the 5th. And even thinking about Toothless Tom starting the year off, I am able comfort myself by remembering what eventually happened when Opening Day in 2000 was a bit inauspicious (Mets lose to Cubs, Mike-Traitor-Hampton walks 5, Booby V protests the game, etc.) I am so irrationally exuberant even Carlos Bunt-ran can't get me down. Hell, I'm going over to to express my opinion, and I'm a votin' for "Let's Make Some Noise!"

Some ex-Mets are having a rough last couple a weeks:

Mr. Benson.
Although details are scant, it seems Anna has dropped the hammer on Mr. Benson. Oh the humanity. What I hate about this business is that it is getting nearly impossible to say anything original or funny about the Bensons. There are no jokes left to squeeze out of this human tragedy sponge.

The Pitcher-who-can-never-again-be-named.
Primed to be the D-Rays opening day starter, this pitcher's spring could have been better: a 9.24 ERA and he has walked as many as he has wiffed. I'd still take a Pedro, K*zmir, HIGH-PRICED FREE AGENT NAME HERE, Heilman, Bannister rotation anyday.

Mike Kameron.
Poor guy having a good spring is side-lined by oblique injury. I hated the Nady trade and was bitterly enjoying K-man' s Cactus League .354 batting, .625 slugging and .484 on-base marks, but even in my pessimism I never overrated him to this degree. Check out this story on I mean I feel for the guy, but who's writing this stuff, the Duke? "A five tool player" with "highly evolved talents." I am trying to name the five tools--are renegging on promises to play right field, garbage time HRs and wiffing considered tools? Building your Padres around Kameron's offensive talents is like securing your bank vault with a screen door.

Dr. "Feel" Gooden

Looks like the tragedy continues and Uncle Dwight wiil be fitted for a new uniform soon. Without the blue trim.
Don't bother going there yet, but look out folks, there's a new Mets blog in town...
Just to be a sport, I registered with Metsblog's blog harbor and created Itsmetsforme2: the Deuce. But what should I do with it, other than air ice hockey and strongmen competitions? I mean I could fill it with the material that doesn't quite make it on here, but who are we kidding?

Is there anyone out there still WITHOUT their own Mets-devoted blog? There now exist more blogs on the Mets than blogs devoted to cheese. Now, I love the Mets, but clearly, in world historical terms, cheese is far more important to mankind taken as a whole. Is this Mets blog proliferation a good thing? With the new tv deal, stadium, and big $tar$, what are our lovable Mutts turning in to? Why are they so popular, given the ugliness of their uniforms?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Official Itsmetsforme Predictions 2006

You asked for it!

After an interview featuring Chipper Jones' admission that he, his manager, and Andruuww Jones are involved in a love triangle is published, Bobby Cox will resign as manager of the Br*ves, and be replaced by Wally Backman. Barroid Bonds will shrink to the size of Chris Rock. And, oh yeah, the Mets will beat the Yankees in another Subway series. Take that to the bank.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Franology 2006

They can kick the dope out of the booth, but they can't take the booth out of the dope. Or something.

Rather than talk about the Mets, because there are no scary health problems worth talking about (and even if there were I would not want to discuss them), I want to discuss...

Fran Healy: Clear and Present Danger
Although the Mets' television booth might be safely out of harms way, Fran Healy continues to threaten the english language. Here's a few classic lines from his latest column at MSG:

"The United States begins pool play in the first round of the World Baseball Classic against Mexico Tuesday, and it is safe to say that everybody is going to be shooting for Team USA to win it all. Baseball was born and bred here in the States, and we figure that we should dominate this particular event, but I am not so sure they will because some of these players from other countries are very, very good. Many are even capable of hitting FROZEN ROPES or even delivering the CHEEZE. On the international front, there is still a mystery surrounding Cuba, as can be expected. Everybody says that Cuban players are magnificent, but it has been proven of recent times that we have overestimated the ability of Cuban baseball players, except for a guy like Livan Hernandez. There's no mystery about the PEPSI PICNIC AREA however, where fans you bring a can to the Expos game friday and, uh... where was I, oh yes. Certainly, you have to put a microscope on the MLB players who dropped out of the Classic -- Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez and Vladimir Guerrero from the Dominican Republic; Barry Bonds from the United States; and Hideki Matsui from Japan -- because that's an important part of this. Now, one thing that is tough to measure over the course of an offseason is what toll age will take. But you know fans, it takes a WHALE OF A toll. Of course, the most important thing to watch in the Mets' camp is this toe of Pedro. This toe of Pedro is snugly fit in a real CAN OF CORN that shoe manufactured by the good folks at NIKE. How about that Rickey Henderson?If Rickey was not as controversial -- not wanting to do what his managers wanted him to, taking time off, and playing cards in the clubhouse -- you would be writing sonnets about this guy's ability. And that reminds me Ralph...Ralph? Where are you?"

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Metsfans, you know what time it is...

Its that time again! Time for an idiotic poll!!!
Spring is underway, and well with X. Nady hitting like ,
Heilman pitching like and damn, even Jose Valentin's hitting .500,

even the most cynical fan has to ask:

Which Mets player's Kool-Aid are you currently drinking?
Heilman: he's all stretched out, didn't shave, and he is ready to start
KazMat: a couple, uh, early boos aren't going to stop this guy from rebounding
Xaviar Nady: itsmetsforme was an idiot to oppose this trade, just look at the dude's first spring game
A. Hernandez: this guy will start at 2nd on opening day, and then on his way to Cooperstown
Darren Oliver: ha just kidding, no one's drinking that
Lo Duca: he's not hurt too badly, and will fit right in to the teams history of mediocre fielding Italian-American catchers--he calls a GREAT GAME
Roidger Clemens is a dick
Free polls from


Thursday, March 02, 2006

Boone: Jose Reyes made me quit baseball!

ITEM: Boone credits Jose Reyes with making him give up baseball

Bret Boone decided to stop wasting everyone's time and hang up the spikes and syringes:

"I look at a young kid in this Reyes ... and this kid is running around like he's my son, just bouncing off walls and I'm looking at him," Boone recalled. "We've been standing around for four hours doing these drills that we have to do and he just caught a ball, his hat is flying off and he stared at me with that smile on his face. And that's what I remembered, you know, being a kid and he's got so much love now for this game and it's right here, it's on his sleeve. I know what he's feeling. He can't wait to go to the ballpark and go to work again and that's awesome. That's how you need to be successful in this game, you've got to have that. And when you don't have that you're wasting everybody's time." (from North

While this doesn't answer the question of why Boone dyed his hair that shade, or why Mr.Koo is in camp, it does open up another interesting set of questions: what else can Jose Reyes do?

Jose Reyes made me buy a pair of Dockers.
Jose Reyes made me a margarita.
Jose Reyes made me dance.
Jose Reyes made me want to learn to luge.
Jose Reyes made me believe in rainbows.

What has Jose Reyes made you do lately?
This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.