It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What's that Smell? Is that Spring in the Air, or just the Reaking MLB DirecTV deal?

Hey the spring games have commenced and its not the Mets opening loss to the Tigers that is bothering me (way to "battle" guys). I ain't happy. Well not, "I just signed Gary Matthews Jr. to a 5 year 50 million contract" unhappy. But still, why has the DirecTV deal not been announced?

If the MLB goes ahead and announces this unholy alliance anyway, as all signs point to, then why did they drag it out so long? It seems the MLB is even more cynical than I thought. Waiting till the hubub dies down and going ahead with this dunderheaded plan is just icing on a very nasty cake, a cake, that a few years down the road I predict will return to bite MLB in the ass. Lack of televised baseball makes me mix metaphors.

Chris Isidore's CNN money report gives some hope, but is it false hope?

Bite me, Bud.


Friday, February 23, 2007

"Say it Ain't So": Mlb Direct TV deal Update

Sandomir has an update in today's NY Times, here.

Basically, there is sort of some hope for fans:
The FCC will be looking into the deal.
Many teams are wrapped up in big Cable companies, and the owners will at some point have to OK the deal.

I don't agree with Sandomir that the possibility that the exclusivity of the deal might be shortened in length (to three seasons) gives fans any warm feelings. It's like if your wife only has an affair for a few years.

RIP Dennis Johnson

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Top 10 Considered but Rejected Motivational Phrases for Mets Minor Leaguers

John Delcos on his unfortunately named but informative blog The LoHud Mets Blog reported last week that the organization has posted placards saying "Choices, Decisions, Consequences" in the minor league clubhouse. Over at Metsblog, Matthew Cerrone picks up the theme to suggest his own personal mantra.
Choices, Decisions, Consequences.
Now, as an organizational philosophy, this seems a little pessimistic to me, but I asked around and found that the Mets considered a few other options--ways to capture the ethos of the organization--before settling on these inspirational words...

10. "Bleach spray, fire-crackers, playing cards"

9. "Coffee, tea, or me?"

8. "Hookers, boobies, and smack" (for New Orleans Zephyrs)

7. "Wilson, Izzy, Pulsipher"

6. Derek Jeter Sucks.

5. "Our Team, Our Time, ahhh no, no, no.

4. "Who Let the dogs out"

3. "What would Mookie do?"

2. "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity"

1. "Coupons, skillsets, meaningful games"

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Monday, February 19, 2007

"Say it Ain't So": Mlb DirecTV deal Update

Bud at MLB job interview?

The battle over out of market baseball access seems to be going into "Extra Innings."

Public pressure could be getting to the MLB, although puppet Bud Selig, the former Br*ves fan , former collusion ringleader, and current so-called Commisioner of Baseball who has given us the Wild Card, called off an All-Star game, presided over the cancellation of an entire season, the rampant use of steroids, and done everything in his power to denegrate the game of baseball and leave it in shambles before his time is up in 2009 including putting images of Spiderman on the bases, isn't making any more friends with his insensitive comments.

According to Multichannel News:

Selig weighed in last week on ESPN Radio’s Mike and Mike In the Morning. While no deal has been reached for Extra Innings, he said, reports of baseball fans being greatly disenfranchised if DirecTV got the exclusive arrangement are exaggerated.
“I expect people to understand that we thought all of these issues out, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be quite surprised at how few people are affected,” he said. “When I look at the number of people that would be affected, it’s so small.”

What did Sosa say?

Steroid users never fear, Bud is here!

So is "Extra Innings Still in Play?" It sounds like cable is making concessions to the MLB:

Executives close to several multiple-system operators said the cable industry late last week made a last-minute pitch to significantly increase the industry’s subscriber commitment to the league’s proposed channel, set to launch in 2009 — the major curveball in negotiations to secure the league’s out-of-market package of live games.
But other executives close to the negotiations said MLB could announce an exclusive Extra Innings distribution deal with DirecTV as early as this week.

Bud covers face in what must be shame

Phillip Swann at writes:

Concerned that Congress could re-open legislative probes of the league's steroid policies and other sticky issues, MLB officials decided earlier this month to give the 'Extra Innings' package another look before making any announcements. The league has since searched for a plan that would satisfy both congressional critics and maintain DIRECTV's exclusivity over most games in a pay package.In addition, according to sources, cable TV operators have freshened up their bids to keep the pay package which has been available to both cable and satellite operators for several years. The operators are also leaning on congressional supporters such as Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA), whose state is the home of Comcast's corporate headquarters, to keep the pressure on the league.The flurry of activity -- and scores of critical commentaries in the press -- is why the DIRECTV deal has been on hold for nearly a month.

Stay Tuned!

ps. Bite me, Bud!

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Happy Belated Bobby Valentine's Day!

I almost forgot! In honor of this past week's celebration of love!

My Bobby Valentine (with apologies to Rodgers and Hart)

My Bobby Valentine
Sweet, "Top step" Valentine
Your memory makes me smile with my heart
Your disguise was laughable
Unfortunately photographable
Yet you were so much better than Art (Howe)

Was your outfield a little weak
Was Turk Wendell fucking sheep?
When Rick Reed got taken deep
Were you smart?

But don't change Yoshii for me
Not if you Agbayani
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine's day

Wasn’t Steve Phillips a little dick?
They should have fired that little prick
you invented the wrap sandwich
You’re so smart!

But don't leave Japan for me
Not if you care for me
Stay with Chiba Lotte Marines, stay
Each day is Valentine's day

Pictures borrowed from here and here.

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Pitchers, Catchers, etc.

Who's up for a little Yankme bashing?

Pitchers and Catchers Report
Yankees surround Carl Pavano for an introductory beating to start Spring camp.

This just in: Y*nkees bash themselves. After being unceremoniously and indisputably displaced by the Mets as New York's best and most popular team last season, the N.Y. Yankmes are so-far spending this Spring productively, dissing their elders (Bernie Williams invited to camp as bullpen catcher and emergency peanut vendor) and eating their own Carl Pavano for breakfast. With the Red Sox distracted over whether they should offer a "fat" Daisuke Matsuzaka postage stamp, Steinbrenner wearing diapers and mumbling to himself, and the joy-riding general partner Steve Swindal unavailable for guidence, the Spankmes are forced to destroy themselves. It's sad, really.

Veteran Yankers (who have not sniffed a World Series since they stole victory from the Mets in 2000) such as Mike "Moosemouth" Mussina and Posada have been all over Pavano's shit, classily criticizing the sore-assed pitcher through the media. If adding Doug Mientkiewicz to the club wasn't a clear enough sign of the coming Bronx apocalypse, then maybe this will convince doubters.

Great to see this kind of early dissention in the Spankees camp. Takes the edge off reports that many major league GMs pick the Yankers to win it all this season.

Philosophical Department:

If a Roidger Clemens plays coy about retiring, and there is no media around to hear it, does it continue to happen?

Recent quotes:
“I still told [my son Koby who's head I threw at] 80-20 that I wasn’t going to play.”
“I don’t want to play.”
“If somebody stubs their toe and my phone rings in May, I might have to think about it.”

80-20. No one cares, freakshow, no one cares.

Rules Changes Department

Also in the New York Times:

NEW RULES FOR BASEBALL A major league position player who scuffs or defaces a baseball would be ejected and receive an automatic 10-game suspension under several changes approved by the sport’s playing rules committee, the first rule changes in the sport since 1996.

In other news, Kenny "the Gambler" Rogers announced his retirement while viciously beating a photographer to death.

DirecTV Update:

According to Richard Sandomir of the New York Times , John Kerry yesterday announced thatthe Senate Commerce Committee, the committee that oversees the televised carriage of sports, would hold a hearing on the pending MLB-DirecTV collusion. But the the hearing will not take place for several weeks because of the committee’s schedule, so with pitchers and catchers upon us, still no word as to how these hearings would affect consumers, or as to when the MLB will have any announcements for fans wondering how they will watch the games for that matter.

Over at Yahoo Finance, Ben Silverman's take on the deal is worth reading, if only for his quote of DirecTV CEO Chase Carey, who told analysts earlier this week that reports about the deal have been "mostly speculation." According to Silverman, there is more to the potential deal than just greed and stupidity. Silverman's argument is a version of the argument, that MLB wants to drive consumers to their "successful" internet service, but he points to the value of the online venture as a whole, and the possible offering of MLB Advanced Media's IPO:

Major League Baseball Advanced Media ("MLBAM"), the online arm of MLB, has been wildly successful. The unit has built the most compelling online offering of any professional sports league; integrating video, audio, blogs, real-time scores, stats, and reams of other content. MLB.TV, which offers a more robust package of games than Extra Innings, is a hit (1.3 million subscribers in 2005, according to New York Magazine), and last year, over 20 million tickets to baseball games were sold via and team websites. It's not just baseball that MLBAM is involved with.
MLBAM's back- and front-end technology helps powers websites and streaming technology for organizations ranging from Major League Soccer and CBS Sportsline, to the City of New York and rock band Guns N' Roses. MLB can't guarantee a steroid-free game, by they'll keep your streaming video up and running!
If MLB has done nothing else right in the past 50 years - and let's be honest, the only other thing they've done right in the past 60 years was integrating the game - they've done the Web right.

Finally, an interesting tidbit, or at least a reminder of how fans are just pawns in a game we don't understand, can be found over at, which speculates that Dish and DirecTV are rumored to be buyout candidates of interest to AT&T Inc. as quick ways into the video business, noting that DirecTV has been on the auction block several times in recent years. Well, DirecTV doesn't come off sounding like a solid bet for MLB--and since my local cable here in Los Angeles is provided by AT&T, which just bought Comcast, which owns a part of the Mets television channel, I look at the prospects of being shut out of Mets broadcasts by the very quasi-monopolies that are integral to broadcasting the Mets with something approaching befuddlement.
Bite me, Bud.

Problem Solved

Scott Schoeneweis

Courtesy of this lovely picture, pinched like everything else in this post from the new Bats blog at the New York Times website, I offer a solution to the spelling nightmare that is the Mets' new free agent relief pitcher. Should he become noteworthy, I'll just use this picture instead.

For example,

"The key to yesterday's game was when Scott Schoeneweis came in to relieve Tom Glavine, who contributed his 9th straight 4 2/3 inning no-decision effort, and retired the side in order."

That seems to work.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Top 12 Reasons Charlie Samuels Had to Deny Aaron Heilman a Parking Spot

Aaron Heilman is reportedly upset that he is the only established Met without a parking spot at the Mets' Port St. Lucie facility. Why weren't there any spots left for Aaron?

12. Charlie Samuels asked by Wilpon to deliver subtle hint that maybe Aaron should be rollerblading to camp this year
11. Spots reserved for starting pitchers
10. "Barry Zito Parking" sign already hung
9. Mr. Met always diagonally parks his ?!#?!% S.U.V.
8. Mets still contractually bound to provide Mo Vaughn with parking
7. Yadier Molina took Heilman's spot too.
6. Need extra spots to diffuse tension among Franco, Alou, El Duque, and Valentin as to who gets handicap parking (shout out to Youngblood)
5. Bobby Bonilla won't move his car
4. LoDuca girlfriend/school bus parking
3. Shane Spenser passed out in golf cart
2. Because Derek Jeter sucks
1. Can't block Rickey Henderson's get-away car!

(includes 2 bonus reasons for Poopeyface!)

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Shameless Cross-Promotion: From the Desk of Omar

This morning, Mets fans all over the world received a heartening email from GM Omar Minaya today, and I was able to procure a copy of the rough draft, to give my readers a peak behind the smooth operator's shinny exterior. It's posted over at the Deuce, so check it out!

While you're at it, click on over to and give our newest bench boy Damion Easley some love!

Bud Selig Sucks the Big One Update:

It's been relatively quiet on the DirecTV front, but the story of the deal Tim Keown at ESPN's Page 2 calls a "incredibly horrendous business decision" has been picked up recently just about everywhere, by the Boston Globe, USA Today, Salon, and discussed in something called Baseball Digest Daily. Plus, there are now two different petitions to sign.

Two new themes are emerging:
1) The MLB hates Old People.
Yes the retirees are suffering too; AARP readers, listen up! If you can keep your constituents on the road driving long past the time they can see clearly or track moving objects without getting dizzy, driving up until that time when they plow through the local farmer's market, you can certainly STOP THE MLB!
2) The MLB is at best, unresponsive. MLB is sending out heartless responses to customer complaints. Hey at least these guys GOT a response. I'm still waiting.

Unfortunately, Salon's King Kaufmann does have a point when he describes the MLB's thinking on this, which could be described as another corollary to the "Joe Buck Theorum":

There's almost nothing baseball can throw at its most dedicated customers that will make them go away. A decade of Fox being the national broadcast TV network is all the evidence we need to back up that assertion.

Should the deal go through, would fans be willing to hurt the MLB where it counts, and boycott the MLB.TV service that the MLB is, by some accounts, hoping will save them from alienating the fans?

I've prayed to Jebus, Santa, and each of the Beatles (and Yoko) every night to make this deal go away...

As always,
Bite Me, Bud.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

Tally Ho!!

In honor of the Mets new high-flying South Korean pitcher, I present to you...

Top Ten Ridiculous Nicknames Sure to be Given to Mets New Veteran Korean Pitcher by Various Tabloids in 2007

10) Chan "Oh-No" Park (after walks bases loaded for first time)
9) Chan "Walks the" Park (after giving up 7 runs on 12 walks)
8) "Jackie" Chan Ho Park (after getting himself out of tight situation)
7) Chan Ho "No-No" (after pitching Mets first no-hitter)
6) Chan "Bo" Park (after taking up football and ruining hips)
5) Chan "Pimps up, Ho's down" Park (after pitching perfect game)
4) Chan "Tae Bo" Park (after administering another flying kick)
3) Chan Ho "South" Park (after he kills Kenny, er, beans Ken Griffey Jr.)
2) Chan Ho "Paaak" (Boston pronunciation)
1) Chan "Westward" Ho Park (upon return to S.Korea after his release in June)

Sunday, February 04, 2007

"Say it Ain't So": Mlb Direct TV deal Update

Happy Super Bowl Sunday everyone! There, now that I've said that, back to what's really important: "Extra Innings."

Well, my letter to Bud is in the mail, my emails have been sent. Now we just wait with our fingers crossed. As the season approaches, the tension mounts.

Some more tidbits from Larry Stewart of the Los Angeles Times (registration required):

On the status of the deal, and the Red Sox nation's role (another gift from the Sawx perhaps?):

Red Sox Nation has spoken. A pending deal by Major League Baseball to put its Extra Innings pay package exclusively on DirecTV may have to be put on hold now, buffeted by an uprising involving baseball's most ardent fans, spearheaded by those who live and die with the Boston Red Sox. MLB expected to announce the deal as early as next week, but that was less certain after Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) on Thursday asked the Federal Communications Commission to investigate the matter.

On the MLB's negotiating strategy:

The crux of the deal apparently centered on MLB's plans to launch its own channel in 2009, similar to NFL Network and NBA TV. According to a source familiar with the negotiations, MLB unsuccessfully used Extra Innings as a negotiating wedge to get cable to put the new channel on a basic tier rather than a pay tier so it could get the widest exposure possible. Cable companies, including Time Warner in L.A., often seek to place such niche offerings on a pay sports tier so that only the customers who want them have to pay for them. Last year, a similar carriage dispute took NFL Network off Time Warner.Sports television consultant Neal Pilson said Friday it is his understanding that, indeed, the baseball channel "was a component" in the negotiations. But, he added, "Baseball is almost religious in its financial analysis before making any deal and you can be sure there has been a lot of deliberation and a lot of research that has gone into this."That didn't matter to fans, who have been voicing their displeasure since news of the pending deal broke two weeks ago.

On what Kerry actually did:

The issue gained national attention when Kerry on Wednesday said he would question FCC Chairman Kevin J. Martin at a previously scheduled Senate Commerce committee hearing the next day. Kerry left the hearing early, though, and instead faxed a letter to Martin, citing concerns about the deal and contending that Extra Innings has been available to 75 million subscribers but would be available to only 15 million if DirecTV has it alone.Of the 500,000 subscribers to the Extra Innings package last season, 270,000 were with DirecTV, according to sources. Going by those numbers, 230,000 would be left out this season.
Kerry, in his letter, said, "In the case of my hometown team, Red Sox Nation stretches all across our country from coast to coast. I am concerned that this deal … will separate fans from their favorite teams."
Kerry could not be reached by phone Friday, but Vince Morris, a spokesman, said the senator is taking up the fight not only because he is a Red Sox fan but because people had been approaching him, seeking answers."He wants to find out more facts and find out what the FCC can do," Morris said. An FCC spokesman would not comment on Kerry's letter. The agency has some authority over cable and satellite television but generally stays out of programming issues that don't involve local content.

So perhaps there is some more give possible on the cable company's end, although the MLB might be demanding the impossible, the placement of their 2009 Baseball channel on a lower tier. That doesn't make much sense to me, as it would be asking a lot of the cable companies, asking them to upset all of their customers. Also the NFL and NBA channels are both on a separate tier now, aren't they?

Even though they stole my Bud Selig picture idea, haha, why not go sign this petition?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

He was against Directv before he was for it...

Need more evidence Kerry would have made a better president?

our hero?

John Kerry is getting involved in the DirecTV travesty.

When Kerry announced he wasn't running for President again this cycle, I had no idea he was actually going to tackle problems of EXTREME NATIONAL SECURITY. I hope he runs this campaign a bit more skillfully. If he does, big name Senator Kerry's involvement just might derail these UN-AMERICAN negotiations, even if his action is done in the name of Bill Buckner's club. My fingers are crossed so tight, I had to type this with my thumbs.

AP reports, via CBS Sportsline

WASHINGTON -- A proposal to make Major League Baseball's "Extra Innings" exclusive to DirecTV has drawn the ire of Sen. John Kerry.
The Massachusetts Democrat said he plans to raise the matter with the chairman of the Federal Communications Commission at a hearing Thursday.
"I am opposed to anything that deprives people of reasonable choices," Kerry said in a statement. "In this day and age, consumers should have more choices - not fewer. I'd like to know how this serves the public -- a deal that will force fans to subscribe to DirecTV in order to tune in to their favorite players. A Red Sox fan ought to be able to watch their team without having to switch to DirecTV."
"Extra Innings" is a service that allows viewers to watch games involving teams not in their local markets. In past years, the service has been available through a range of providers, but a pending deal would make the service only available to DirecTV subscribers.
FCC Chairman Kevin Martin is a scheduled witness at Thursday's hearing of the Commerce, Science and Transportation Committee. AP NEWSThe Associated Press News Service

Bring it, Senator!
This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.