It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, June 19, 2009

June Swoon Continues: Birds Kill Mets Twice with Same Stone or something

There must be 50 ways to lose a ballgame...

Just lay down a bunt, Runt
Go in with no plan, Stan
You don't need two hands, man
Just get yourself a loss

Walk the ballpark, Mark
Balk in the run, Hon'
You don't need to score runs much
Just wave the white flag, Tad
and get yourself another loss

Just miss the third sack, Mack
pinch hit a bum, Tom
You don't need a backstop, Pop
just wait til next year

Trade for a Putz, Toots
Don't add an offseason offensive piece, Reese
and lose the NL East
Thank god Paul Simon isn't alive to see this one.

The Mets are the Vasco da Gama of losing. Just when you think the earth is flat, these chumps discover entire new continents of failure. Alright, I'm not certain I remember what de Gama discovered, but his name sounds cool. The point is, now that their two pitching stars have shit the bed, nothing is impossible for these Mets. Not flubbing pop ups or easy flies, not pulling shitty pitching out of nowhere, not even missing third base! Watch them for any amount of time and you'll understand next year's motto (wait for it): The New York Mets: You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

Ok, I'm out of bad analogies, and I am jazzing up a relativity pedestrian tough loss here, but Frank the Closer has become Frank the Blower. Rodriguez earned every inch of his first, non-Castillo aided blown save, and he got the 'L' to boot. And no, Jerry couldn't have pulled K-Rod when it was clear he didn't have any command because...because. Now that everyone on the team has let us down for at least a game, we can relax a little.

Otherwise, nothing to be upbeat about, seeing as this series was for the Birds. The O's walked off all over the Mets. At least Aubrey Huff's agent won't have to send an audition tape over before Omar sends the Mets few remaining prospects to Baltimore for the guy.


Read this and you might come away thinking the Mets could do worse than throw a lot of money at Jason Bay this off-season. Hell, if the Rays don't pick up Scott K*zmir's option in 2012, let's get the whole band back together!!



  • At 9:41 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    I think it was bow tie Paul Simon who died, not the short guy whose coke Woody Allen sneezed off the table once.

    Other than that minor quibble, bravo.

  • At 9:48 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    it's caption comedy, baby!!

    as Edie Brickell's former lover, no one knows better than me that the little runt is still drawing breath. still i wait...

  • At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Fernando Cver said…

    Nice Edie Brickell reference, man and likewise for the fine poetry and other assorted recent posts. For every 3 or 4 bonehead moves that Omar makes, he finds a guy like Nieve - when I say "like Nieve", that means, we don't know if we have another John Maine or a Figgy - whoever he is, Nieve seems like it must be spanish for "stopper" right now - great job! Poopyface #2 Mr. Green seems to be showing more of what's been advertised. Has the Jacket been helping him while he has been treating Johann's knee? (Quite surprised that you weren't all over that ESPN quote from Petersen.) We badly need Green to keep it up, since once Parnell got all the buzz in Boston for hitting 100mph, he's unfortunately a different guy. Pedreadful is overworked, but we have to give him props (at least I do) for the many great lefty situations that he took care of along with the disasters. As I have spoken the "why did we keep Schneider" gospel (which is diometrically opposed to your fine Castro post), he at least tonight was a hero with his 3 run homer. All I will add is besides the two collapses, Reyes being injured and everything else, anyone who at this point is still paying attention to the Mets is a true fan and also certifiable.

  • At 2:15 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Cver, thought I'd lost you entirely to the new commenting regime at metsblog. My Jacket material never quite took off with the public, so I shy away from that hardwood floor of a guru.


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