The blog for Mets fans who can read

The title of this post is a spoof on the motto of the blog that makes the rest of us look like the amateurs we are, that perennial champion of Mets blogging world, Faith and Fear: "The blog for Mets fans who like to read." If blogging has taught me anything, it's the value of setting one's sights low. The title is also meant to signal a literary mood, an interest in quality commentary that has come over me. Don't worry it'll pass soon.

Faith and Fear's recent plug of Mets by the Numbers' interview series with crusty Mets fixture, fan abuser, and journalist Marty Noble has got me in the plugging mood. Go read it, all three parts, you won't be sorry. Here are some gems:

On where the best quotes came from:

Right field? Bonilla never did anything but lie. Burnitz was no good. Straw was Straw. He could be manipulative. Rusty was very condescending when I covered him. Now we’re good friends but then, he was a difficult. Shawn Green is actually quote good.

Relief? Franco was tough. Neil was loose-lipped. Tug was spectacular every day. Billy is good when he pitches like shit. But Tug was amazing.

On the Mets organizational planning:

The Mets always say they want a guy who knows how to pitch, but as soon as the Mets get one they trade him for Ambiorix Burgos. Bannister was going to be a good fit. But Omar thinks of guys who can throw a ball through a wall.

Frank Cashen could open a drawer, take out a piece of paper and show you who would be on the team in three years. I don’t think Omar could tell you who’s going to be on the team in April. They don’t have anything down below. They lost Flores last year knowing they didn’t want to have LoDuca around. They have nobody to be a first baseman and they won’t want to pay Delgado after this year. What happens if Pedro leaves and there’s a good chance he will? I’m not big on what he does. [imfm ed. note: who?]

On who runs the Mets now:

Jeff. He’s OK. You don’t have to be his friend, but you wouldn’t want him as your enemy. He’s doing the right thing. He’s trying to make the team good. And they’re not cheap.

On numbers, lockers and injustice:

How could they give Steve Traschel Tom Seaver’s locker? How could they give Luis Lopez Keith Hernandez’ number? I’m not saying that’s important to the team but some of it is important to the fans. It has zero importance to some of the players. They ask, ‘Who cares about that? Why’d you write that?’ But the readers care.

***
Finally, in the "literary spirit," or until I can come up with words of my own (spring games don't do it for me) cherish this lovely all purpose sportsfan quote, courtesy of mailbagman Bill Simmons:

Nobody has ever summed up being a sports fan better than the New Yorker's Roger Angell in his piece "Agincourt and After," in this passage about Carlton Fisk's famous home run in the 1975 World Series:

It is foolish and childish, on the face of it, to affiliate ourselves with anything so insignificant and patently contrived and commercially exploitive as a professional sports team, and the amused superiority and icy scorn that the non-fan directs at the sports nut (I know this look -- I know it by heart) is understandable and almost unanswerable. Almost. What is left out of this calculation, it seems to me, is the business of caring -- caring deeply and passionately, really caring -- which is a capacity or an emotion that has almost gone out of our lives. And so it seems possible that we have come to a time when it no longer matters so much what the caring is about, how frail or foolish is the object of that concern, as long as the feeling itself can be saved. Naivete -- the infantile and ignoble joy that sends a grown man or woman to dancing and shouting with joy in the middle of the night over the haphazardous flight of a distant ball -- seems a small price to pay for such a gift.

Billy Goat's Gruff

Some random notes.

If this doesn't restore some of your faith in Omar Minaya's decision making abilities...

Espn is reporting Minaya turned down Willie Randolph and former hitting coach Rick Down's recommendation that the Mets hire Clemens Needler Brian McNamee "after gauging McNamee's reputation within baseball and deciding that McNamee did not fit the role."

This might be bigger than Omar's decision to pass on Barry Zito.

***
No yer place, Wolvie!

In their return to action, the Mets heroically eeked out a tie with collegian opponents. Billy Goat Wagner got another opportunity to display his classiness and dedication to sportsmanship when a student-athlete tried to bunt, a play somehow still allowed under the rules of baseball:

Wagner, clearly annoyed, shook his head a number of times, and Cislo wisely swung away, grounding out. Wagner said he couldn't believe that Cislo, a junior, bunted.

"If he got that bunt down, I would have drilled the next guy," Wagner said. "Play to win against Villanova."

Luckily, Michigan is not in the National League East. Perhaps Fred Wilpon can look into making a Spring game with his alma mater an annual thing. I think I have a name for it:

the Bud Selig Classic.

***


Artist's rendition: Nick Johnson models the Nationals' new uniform.

Teams are going to be scared of the Nationals this season. Scared for their lives and property. As a Sports Illustrated profile of Lastings Milledge shows, the Nats have become the Portland JailBlazers of the MLB. What a roster! Untouchables, alcoholics and well-known behavioral problems. Surrounded by Odalis Perez, Dmitri Young, Bret Boone, Johnny Estrada, Paul Lo Duca, and Elijah Dukes, Lasty is starting to look like Cal Ripkin.

At least Milledge will always have New York: "I can't go through anything worse than I went through in New York. It only gets better from here."

***

On a more serious note, I received this email from Kathy Foronjy & Joseph Coburn from www.mathematicallyalive.com:


I'm writing to let the Mets community know that a friend really needs our prayers and support. You all probably know Matt Hoey because he's been first in line for tickets at Shea for the last seven years. If you don't know him personally you've probably seen or heard about the fan who wears the orange & blue Dr. Seuss hat. Matt was in a accident this weekend and was hurt pretty badly. Joe & I are in shock and still trying to figure out what we can do to help.

Matt is one of the nicest, most genuine human beings we've ever met and he's most passionate about the Mets. We think the best thing to do right now is to send Matt support and love from his largest group of friends. We've created an email for those who want to offer sentiments to Matt & his family. GetWellMatt@mathematicallyalive.com. His wife Tracey will pass the messages along to Matt.

Please take a minute out of your day to send a supportive message to our friend Matt Hoey.

What's Shaking? Not Jose Reyes

Finally, some real news.




From ESPN:

"No more handshakes. People kept saying we got teams fired up when we did those handshakes, so now I want to focus more on baseball," Reyes said, according to Newsday.

...

"Nobody said anything to me, but it's because of what happened last year," Reyes said, according to Newsday. "That's why I'm taking this year more seriously. In 2006, everybody loved [the handshakes], but now it's different. I'm going to enjoy the game, but I'm not going to do the handshakes with the guys. I don't want people to talk about that. I just want to play baseball. I want to take care of business on the field."

I know there are different opinions, but this just made me cringe last year. This gives me a sense of relief not unlike the trade of Roberto Alomar. Now Jose can save his energy for running out base hits. And Carlos Delgado can get back to his notebook.


Jose Reyes...he's serious now.

Spring has Sprung

ESPN's Jayson Stark has an article wasting time on washed-up Tomahawk Chop Glavine. Glavine bashing is like my spring training. I got to warm up with some light ripping on an easy target before I go all out and lite into Mr. Derek "Every kind of Mo" Jeter and whatever that is on his head.

I'd say "bleck," but this picture really doesn't disturb me in the least. I am truly pleased that he returned to the Br*ves and did not retire. And now that he's not cashing the Wilpon's checks anymore, the truth can come out. The gushing and inappropriate article has great lines like this:

(blah blah) "Or maybe it's because this is a place where Tom Glavine just seems to fit. This is a man who looks like a Brave, feels like a Brave, even sounds like a Brave. Always has. Always will."

It repeats the canard going around about Br*ves pitching, that it's deep and full of winning pitchers. Having a bunch of injury prone and washed up stars in your line-up and calling it deep is about as dumb as counting on Mike (Traitor) Hampton. Sure the Br*ves could get lucky and get a good year out of Hudson, a healthy year out of Satan, and actual production out of Hampton. But give me a break with this nonsense about Glavine. Stick a (pitch) fork in him, yokels fans. He's done. Write this down: Frank Wren basically made a $8 million dollar contribution to the Glavine dental treatment plan, and marked himself as nowhere near as shrewd and devious as his predecessor. Which, like the prospects of Toothless Tom serving up fat meatballs to our boys in blue and orange, is good news for Mets fans.

The only thing in this make-work article I don't contest is the line:
"But, at the very least, now that Tom Glavine is back, they definitely have the most dangerous golfing twosome in anybody's rotation."

I expect the Br*ves to play the Mets tough as they always do. But not because of Glavine.

***
Heyman seems to get what happened at the Clemens hearings. I'm not sure why the headlines aren't screaming juicy murder. My current faves:

• Why would his good friend Pettitte testify that Clemens told him back in 1999 or 2000 that Clemens took HGH if it wasn't true?

• How could Clemens have been talking about his wife Debbie's HGH usage in that conversation, as he later claimed to Andy Pettitte, according to Clemens' deposition, when Clemens himself admitted Debbie didn't take the HGH until 2003? (By the way, Clemens really threw his wife under the bus there.)

I've looked into it, and there is no truth to the rumor that the Giants are discussing signing Debbie Clemens to hit clean-up; she's too young.

***
Santana fun fact of the day:
the Twins went 105-47 when Santana started over the past five years

Go ahead, kiss yourself.

***
It's not on the level of the Baltimore Orioles trading of Miggy on the eve of the Mitchell Report, but the Mets have dodged some bullets:
Not signing Zito. Not falling for Glavine's tired act again. Passing on Ct. Red Ass. Letting Arod pass by and NOT competing for Posada. Not getting Yourabit Terrible. Not signing the likes of Lohse or Other Duque. Not that this makes up for the Milledge Idiocy, but I'm feeling charitable towards Omar.

***
I'm excited about the prospects of the Mets getting a hack at Glavine, but having Mr. Benson on the team to beat is pretty cool. It's cooler when YOUR team distributes its suckers through the league then when they collect such suckers.

Clemens: "I'm Guilty"

Clemens' opening statement: "If I'm guilty of anything, it is of being too trusting of everyone, wanting to see the best in everyone, being too nice to everyone. If I'm considered to be ignorant of that, then so be it. ..when I did speak out, I was accused of protesting too much, so I'm guilty. When I kept quiet at the advice of my attorney...I must have had something to hide, so I'm guilty. "

"I'm a positive person, and I enjoy doing things for others. I'm not just a ballplayer, I'm a human being."

That's rich. He's never tested positive.

Clemens' argument that the Mitchell report is wrong and he did not use PEDs: His father died and his mother raised him. He ran 2 miles home to his condo when he was in high school because he didn't have a car. His innocent sister in law murdered over drugs. He promises to be honest and genuine to every person he can be.

This is not as entertaining as the Simpsons version.




Mr. Impartial, Rep. Dan Burton, pictured above, had this to say:

"This is really disgusting. You're here as a sworn witness. You're here to tell the truth," the Indiana Republican said. "You're here under oath, and yet we have lie after lie after lie after lie, of where you've told this committee and the people of this country that Roger Clemens did things -- I don't know what to believe. I know one thing I don't believe and that's you.
...
Roger Clemens is a titan in baseball."

And you're a politician.




One thing we are learning from this is how many good reasons for lying to Congress are out there:

Andy Pettitte, who did HGH that one time, and that other time, on why he wasn't forthcoming on his drug use the first time:

"Andy did not want his father, whom he deeply respects and loves, to be brought into this matter and sought to shield him from publicity. In both cases, Andy used HGH in a misguided effort to recover from injury."

Oh my Darling Oh my Darling Clemens Lying

Marx wrote that history repeats itself, first time as tragedy, second time as farce, and I'm having a hard time figuring what time it is. You think it's easy to write a novelty blog about baseball when reality is stealing all the punchlines? In other words, what is this bleep?

But, if you are in the dark as to why the U.S. Congress actually pulls worse poll numbers than "Mission Accomplished" Bush, I have a few ideas.

First, Roidger Clemens visits Congress to shake hands, sign autographs, and take private meetings with the very Congresspeople that are to sit in judgement of him Wednesday? Shame on you, Rep. Elijah Cummings, whoever you are.

Now I'm not one of those people who is bent out of shape that Congress wants to investigate baseball every few years (it keeps them off the streets), Congress ought to investigate these meetings that it's having.

Now ya tell me that Andy Pettitte (or whats his name the guy who can't throw to first) doesn't have to appear publicly before Congress beacuse when he appeared before congressional lawyers during a sworn deposition on Monday, he "often contradicted himself"??!!?? How is that a valid reason? Inconsistent testimony sounds a hell of a lot like lying to me. Wasn't one of those commandments about lying or something, Andy?

Truth is, they got the dirt on Roidger, though trying to get a clear picture from articles about leaks about what Pettitte said, like this one , is damn near impossible because they are so poorly written. All while ESPN tries to keep the drama going by running enormous bombastic "did he or didn't he" banners on their site, even in the face of the news: Pettitte says Clemens did it. And now, Clemens will try to play the Debbie card. We all know Clemens did it, ESPN. Basically the media is doing what they do best, reporting things that have no bearing on anything.

Meanwhile, I am coming dangerously close to half agreeing with John Rocker, who injected himself into this unpleasantness because his campaign to make everyone speak English isn't getting him the attention he needs.

Rocker trashed Selig earlier yesterday in an interview on Atlanta-based Rock 100.5 FM. "Bud Selig is a clown," Rocker ranted. "He should do the entire world a favor and kill himself. He is a certifiable idiot."

Apparently, the Texas Rangers, W's ole team, held steroid user support sessions back in 2002, and Rocker is sort of implicating Arod the unions, and Selig at this point, which should be fun to watch. I don't think Bud should kill himself, but he is a clown.

It figures that Sports Illustrated swim suit issue would be involved in this mess.

Best abs. On a 39 year old mother of four. Ever. What was her secret?

"Roger came to me one day and told me that we had been asked to do a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated.I had major anxiety! I was a 39-year-old mother of 4! Once I realized that this WAS going to be a reality, I decided I had to give it everything I had. My mind was set. I am not a risk taker, but have since learned that with great risk, sometimes comes great reward. The responses from that experience have been wonderful and I feel it was a turning point in my life ... Using common sense and my ability to balance my life, I achieved that goal."

Common sense is shooting yourself up with hormones. Using common sense and his ability to balance his life, maybe Roger will achieve his goal. If you haven't checked out Debbie's site showing off her needlepoint, please do so. And Debbie will continue to sell some seriously weird shit on her website.

Debbie Does Growth: Found Transcript

Um, I've averaged 25,000 hits over the past few days, all googling a picture of poor Mrs. Clemens, who I previously accused of providing Roger with his stash on January 7. It seems as though this may be truer than even I thought. It also seems the visitors are not here for my stunning parody of PETA and Pedro, nor for my moving comparison of a fictional pitcher to the very real Johan Santana. Seeing where my audiance is coming from, I thought I'd address the Clemen's "Family Plan" here, rather than just going around to other blogs tiresomely claiming credit. Funny commercial, remember? I happen to have come upon the part that AT&T edited out. I think you’ll agree, it’s really the edits that make it truly a funny commercial.






RC: “Honey… I’m out here with the guys and they’re really pushing me hard to come back and play another season in New York. What do you think?”

DC: “Are you kidding?”

RC: “Just say no, just say the word no, and I’ll stay retired.”

**edited portion**

DC: You pencil*&$! mother*&!! C**sucker. You piece of dogs**, you swore on your mother, that filthy little &*$!, that you would quit and devote yourself to help me with my sweatshirt bedazzling business. I would think you could look in your heart and see that your !*&?! actions are killing our marriage, but that’s right, you don’t have a *&%$# heart you slimy piece of *&!$!

This just makes Debbie so maaad.

(Debbie, face flush and veins bulging out horrifically, smashes 20 oz. beer bottle over her own head. She takes son Coby by the ears and rams him through the plate glass of the Clemen’s family trophy case. Chokes out family Collie. She takes one of Roger’s Cy Young trophies and puts it down the food disposal unit, strips off all her clothes and defecates on one of his jerseys.)

I’ll kill you!!!!
Raarrrrr!

**end edited portion**

RC: “Just say no, and I won’t do it.”

(Debbie throws something at vase and flowers)

RC: “OK great then, guys I’m back, she’s so happy, she’s speechless!”

PETA's Letter to Larry Jones

Dear Mr. Larry "Chipper" Jones,

As many of PETA's 1.8 million members and supporters are baseball fans, we were disheartened to learn of your recent posts under the alias "U Kno Who" to an article entitled "Smoltz pulls up shorts." We have reviewed them and are not amused. (*See Exhibit A attached below)

You mention that you are responsible for the slaughter of ducks, deer, doves (!!!), quail, turkeys and fish, and when we were done translating your comments into English, we determined that you are promoting hunting. Worse, hunting promotes the act of arming Southerners, which we Northern urban types have never been particularly keen on. You may have grown up huntin' and impregnating kin, but take a step back and look at what actually goes on in the greater Atlanta metropolitan region. Judging by the empty seats at Turner Field, fans must be out perpetrating heinous acts against nature because they don't even show up during the playoffs. Players are given the whole winter off to participate in this lethal blood sport. They are given steroids and amphetamines to make them stronger, more aggressive hitting machines. Wait, we were just talking about baseball players, sorry. Animals, Mr. Jones, please don't promote negative attitudes towards animals.

Though humankind is not our department, we would be remiss if we did not mention that your purposefully getting the hicks on that blog, such as "BabyGoatEater," "Political Foreskin," "FrancouersHusband " and "Bubbasmoocher" into such a frenzy ** (see Exhibit B) is unconscionable. As a result, many many more sisters and cousins will be forced against their will tonight. We don't care so much about the kin, but we do, however, fear for the livestock should any particular womanfolk be out at bingo that night.

Look Hoss, we realize giving romantic advice to fans whose best shot at love is getting a little play with Aunt Ethel while she naps on the sofa on the porch might be seen as humanitarian, however we want to be very clear Mr. Jones, we cannot condone sheep fucking in any of its forms. Even if it is done in the privacy of one's own fenced in area.

In light of this, PETA is calling on you to publicly apologize to your fans for participating in such a cruel and barbaric activity. We would like to invite you to take part in our Developing Empathy for Animals training seminar, which Michael Vick voluntarily attended after he was charged with dogfighting and John Rocker completed when he was videotaped having inappropriate contact with a Canadian Moose. Please take this opportunity to send a strong message to your fans that cruelty to animals has no place in baseball or society in general. I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Sincerely,

I.M. Forme
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals




*Exhibit A

By U Kno Who

February 6, 2008 7:56 PM | Link to this

Just heard that Hoss is done after is contract runs out after next season. Pretty reliable source that is close to him said that he is seriously thinking about retiring soon. Said that he is tired of listening to all the mets fans on a Braves blog dominating the conversation with David Wright talk. Also said that he is tired of owning the mets for 15 years. Its someone elses turn. Seriously though,I’m looking forward to getting down to spring training and seeing all the guys again. Having Glav and Javy back in the fold will be great. I’m interested to see if guys like Frenchy and BMac are ready to make the jump to stardom. Also to see if the back end of our rotation has improved enough to let us compete for division title again. Looking forward to having Tex hitting behind me for a whole year. Might get some pitches to hit in key spots. Pretty tired of everyone saying that I’m injury proned, though I guess I’ll just have to go out and play 150 games to shut em up. Freak injuries are hard to avoid sometimes but I have hopefully gotten the foot stuff behind me. Look forward to bloggin with all you Braves fans for a couple of days before I head south. By the way, not even close to retirement. I love torturing mets fans too much to hang em up yet. And for all you guys that don’t already know this, DOB really is a douchebag!

By U Kno Who

February 6, 2008 10:12 PM | Link to this

I’m a big bow hunter. I love deer hunting more than the others. I will hunt ducks, dove and quail a few times a year but that is not my passion. I don’t get a chance to hunt turkeys because of baseball. I love to fish during spring training. I grew up about 10 miles from the self proclaimed bass fishing capital of the world, so a lot of my childhood was spent hunting deer and fishing.

By U Kno Who

February 6, 2008 10:36 PM | Link to this

Girls like the romance. Whatever u do, it better be original. Flowers and candy are nice, but every woman loves the bling. At least that’s what I’ve experienced. But what do I know, I haven’t had the best luck with the ladies.

By U Kno Who

February 6, 2008 11:06 PM | Link to this

My concern is trying to give the team the chance to win a championship. With our tight purse strings, it’s hard to win when u have one guy taking up so much of yer payroll. Smoltzie and I know this, so we will do whatever we have to, within reason, to work with the Braves to put the best product on the field. I know enough spanish to know what the guys are talking about. Yunel knows exactly what I’m saying.

By U Kno Who

February 7, 2008 1:54 PM | Link to this

Wassup! I can see there has plenty of action since last nite. DOB mite have to give me a fee for spicing up his blog. Just kiddin! Please forgive my computer skills,as my fellow Bolles grad pointed out last nite, they stink. But I’m doing the best I can. I will get to as many questions as I can before I have to meet mama for lunch. First I would have to say that FSU is our biggest rival with UGA and the Vols running a very close second. Instate pride runs deeper than conference pride in Fla. It used to be that whoever won the state championship in Fla, usually played for the national championship. My song, “Crazytrain”, is so identifiable with me now, that I can’t change it. Most people that I talk to say they love it, so I’ll stick with it. Kinda dig “Rockstar” by Nickelback tho so stay tuned. The last 2 years have been very hard to swallow. We’ve had good enough teams to make it to Oct, but one phase of our game has let us down in both seasons. John Rocker was a pretty good teammate, believe it or not. He would do somethings that people didn’t appreciate sometimes but that’s just his competitive spirit bubbling over. We had words a few times over certain things but I respected the job he did for us while he was the closer. It is never too early to start a kid switch-hitting. I started when I was 7 and didn’t fully grasp it til I was 19. He’s gonna get frustrated with,but stick with it, it’s worth it in the end. My approach with runners on base is simple. Stay up the middle of the field. Drive the ball from gap to gap. That’s my game. Nobody on, let’s open it up a little and try for the instant offense.Bobby Cox is like a dad to all of us. Real understanding guy. Always willing to work with us on any problems we have. U will never find a smarter baseball man. I know that the kids look up to and idolize us but what people have to understand is that we are intense individuals who want to succeed. Sometimes the emotion of the moment causes u to say and do things that are not G rated. But that doesn’t make us bad people. Do what I do at home. Look over at your son or daughter and tell them that’s a grown up word and I better not ever hear u say it. My kids get the hint. Lew, the painting of the white tail deer would be great. It would fit perfectly down at the ranch. I’d love to check out yer work.

By U Kno Who

February 7, 2008 4:22 PM | Link to this

There are a ton of questions so I’ll try to get to all of them, although they may be brief answers. Some of the best under 25 players include David Wright, Hanley Ramirez, Ryan Zimmerman, Prince, Ryan Braun and Joba Chamberlain. Not sure the ages of most guys but these are the cream of the crop. Look out for Brandon Jones to make a splash with us this year. He has lots of talent and he’s shone the ability to control the bat as good as anyone in our system. The rotation should be strong as long as the top 3 stay healthy and give us 200 quality innings. The 4 and 5 spots are yet to be determined but whoever wins them will be deserving. Marty Malloy is the manager of a quail plantation in his hometown of Trenton, Fla. The Vick thing is a sad one for me. We all know what it’s like to get in with the wrong crowd. Some people get mixed up at different levels. Obviously Mike has made some bad decisions, but he’s paying his debt. Hopefully when he gets out, people will have enough grace in their heart to give him a clean slate. I personally have a Vick jersey and helmet in my basement.U guys are pretty much rite on as far as the batting order is concerned. Kelly and Kot will probably flip flop between 1,2 and 7 or 8.Fanfest was great for the players. We enjoyed the format a lot better than years past. Being able to interact with the fans thru a Q & A and take photos along with the autographs made it a lot more bearable.The one thing I will remember from Macon was the bus rides. Whether it be the card games or the late nites at Denny’s or just sitting there getting to know your teammates. That was all a ton of fun. I was always passionate about the game. I came from a baseball family. My dad was drafted by the Cubs. I told my mom when I was 4 that I was gonna play in the big leagues one day. Iknow the passion doesn’t shine thru all the time as, like anything else, I mite be dealing with an injury or just flat out tired. But I take the field to win everyday.My home will always be here in Atl. My kids are rooted in the schools here. I wouldn’t want to move them for selfish reasons. They are what’s important. I want them to feel comfortable.Never, ever has the thought of playing anywhere but rite here entered my mind. I know the day is coming. It does for all of us. The only other manager out there that is the most like Bobby Cox is Grady Little. He was my coach in AA and AAA and I loved him. Still keep in contact with him to this day. But I don’t think any of us can imagine not playing for Bobby. He’s a lifer.

Unfortunately for Murph, the people who cast the votes don’t realize the impact that he had on the game of baseball back in his prime. He was the best. The numbers are there, the MVPs are there, the all-star games are there. What more do u have to do? Let him in! Just saw Klesko in Las Vegas for the SHOT show and he told me that he is officially retired. Guess who he was hangin with? Barry Bonds! Get the sunday home jerseys. Those things are sweet lookin. I hear we are gonna break out some blue ones this year. The all-star homer ranks rite behind the WS homer off Duque in 99. 3 for 3 with a homer in yer own park in the all-star game…….doesn’t get much better than that. U want to check out hunts at my ranch? Go to doubledimeranch.com and check us out. I’m not familiar with any other outfitters. Kot is a really good player. Makes good contact at the plate. Doesn’t strike out a lot. Above average CF with a good arm. Solid ballplayer! Knucksie is a beauty. Atlanta Brave thru and thru. Always has a kind word for everyone. The best way to assure yourself an autograph from me is to go to spring training or check out my website. All that stuff gets back to me eventually. Mite take some time tho. Once a teammate, always a teammate. Roachy and I do a ton of hunting together in the off season. Andruw and I have played golf together a couple of times. We are all like brothers. We win together, we lose together. Eight months a year for 12 years. I sometimes do visit ol’ towne from time to time. I have some buddies up in Cartersville that i usually meet there for dinner once every couple of weeks. Excellent place! I never could pick up Hideo Nomo’s split. Don’t get me wrong, I hit some balls hard off him that got caught, but for the most part he had my number. Ironic that he was the guy who beat me for the ROY,huh? Sheeeeesh!

By U Kno Who

February 7, 2008 6:07 PM | Link to this

Arighty then! How ‘bout yall try conversing amongst yourselves and I will just chime in every once in a while. I just sat here and read questions for an hour. By the time I reply, there will be 100 more. U guys provide me countless hours of entertainment whenever nothing is on TV. Some of u are very smart when it comes to the game of baseball and are very accurate in yer assessment of certain things. Others, well, u need to listen to DOB and Lew a little more. Let’s get the conversation back on the Braves team. How about I pose a question to u guys rite now, let u guys reply and later on tonite, I will give u my opinion. Which 5 guys do u think should be in the starting rotation and in what order should Bobby Cox run them out there?

By U Kno Who

February 7, 2008 10:25 PM | Link to this

I’m gonna hit it folks. Still jet-laggin from my vegas trip. Gotta get up early and take the youngens to school, then off to my workout, followed by a BIIIIIG golf game tomorrow afternoon. Enjoyed chatting once again and I will check yall out tomorrow nite. Yer the best! Don’t let anybody tell u different.

___

By U Kno Who

February 7, 2008 10:00 PM | Link to this

Man, u guys are good! All great posts except for a chosen few. I would like to give props to Epinephrine,JD, Woogidy because of his Jurrjens point and last but not least Ghost of GilGarrido and the 6 man rotation. All in the great category. ChoppinMama even got the sign language question right.

Let me start by saying that everything hinges on the health of Hampton, right down to who is the #2 starter. Again, this is just an opinion and not set in stone. Smoltzie is #1, hands down, end of discussion. I too like the right,left,right rotation out of the top three.But I have the feeling that Bobby is gonna go with Smoltz, Huddy then Glav. If Hampton is healthy and ready to pitch, I like him in the 5 spot, with him getting a start off every once in a while. That leaves the 4 hole. Not sure about Chucky and his health yet and JoJo has options. I think we traded for Jurrjens for a reason and that is to be in the rotation. Which brings me to the 6th man. If Hampton is not ready to go 5,6 or 7 innings, we might be able to use him as a long man out of the pen until he builds up his stamina. Then the 5 spot would go to Chucky or JoJo. I would lean toward the latter as being the thing that most likely happens. That being said, I’m gonna go with Smoltz,Huddy,Glav,Jurrjens and Chucky, with JoJo ready to go at a moments notice, with Hamp building up in the pen to start the season. If Hamp starts on the DL, then JoJo starts in the pen. Again all this is just speculation and subject to change at any moment. The depth that we have is tremendous luxury to have as I think our rotation will be a strong point for our ballclub this season. Having one or two of those guys down in the pen will also give Bobby a lot of flexibility. If one of the big 3 can’t make a start, we have experience to plug in the vacancy. Hope u guys like the rotation and the outlook on the upcoming season. Gotta lotta love for yall! Go Bravos!

**Exhibit B

By Darren

February 7, 2008 10:09 PM | Link to this

...[edited for pathetic-ness]

Quick story, I was once told I look just like you!

I live in Las Vegas and work for the Police Department here. One day about 3 years ago I was assigned to train a new Officer. His first day with me he asked me if I like baseball. I said “yes”. He asked me if I know who Chipper Jones is and I said “yes”. He said “Has anyone ever told you that you look just like him.”

Now I am not gay, but I almost nutted on myself. LOL! Needless to say that new officer passed training with flying colors. LOL.

I went home and told my wife and she said that I look “a little like Chipper, but that he is better looking.” LOL. She has since left me. Damn her!

PETA's letter to Pedro Martinez for his involvement in cockfight here.

Johan Santana vs. Sidd Finch

Time Wasting Tale of the Tape:

Will Johan Santana become the best Mets pitcher ever? Clearly, to become the greatest hurler ever to grace the mound in Flushing, Santana will have to step out of the long shadow of the Mets' most celebrated tosser ever.

Hayden "Sidd" Finch



6'4''
170lbs.
born 1956?
Distinguishing feature: wears boot on right foot while pitching
Throws 168 mph.
College: Harvard
Rookie Year: 1985
Hobbies: French horn, yoga, hiking
Strengths: fastball, great control, learned pegging snow leopards in the Himalayas
Weaknesses: unclear on use of rosin bag
Mets biggest challenge in acquiring him: keeping him from becoming Buddhist monk
How the Mets prepared for his arrival: Dropping baseballs out of hot air balloons to prepare the catchers for handling 130-150 mph fastballs.

Johan Santana



6'0''
208 lbs.
born 1979
Distinguishing Feature: well-groomed facial hair
Throws only 91-5 mph
Rookie Year: 2000
Hobbies: giving haircuts, participating in his own contract negotiations
Strengths: Brutal change-up, great athleticism
Weaknesses: gives up a long ball now and again
Mets biggest challenge in acquiring him: keeping him from becoming a Red Sox or Yankees
How the Mets prepared for his arrival: perpetrating an unfathomable, historic collapse while manager discussed champaign toasts


Who will leave the greatest legacy?

Mets Get Cocky

Brace yourself for the storm of sanctimony and cultural relativism that is sure to engulf our boy's in orange: a video showing Pedro and Juan Marichal enjoying one of the Dominican Republic's finest forms of entertainment was temporarily posted on the world wide of webs.

It looks like the reporters are building their pre-Spring stories around Petey. Cranky bastard George Vecsey fits Pedro into his anti-Mets narrative, insinuating that Pedro doesn't like to play second fiddle. And Pedro supposedly threw a fit when Star Jones got seated before him in a Miami eatery; wouldn't you, especially if it meant you would miss out on that night's specials?

Those of use with some perspective, who can remember when you could still smoke at a cockfight, realize that this is much better than if Pedro's previous hobby, midget fighting, came to light.

***
As for the Johan Santana introductory conference, it's gonna be a long 7 years for those of us who like interesting press conferences. After Johan and Omar, I can't think of anyone who says so much without saying a damn thing. Maybe he addressed it and I missed it, but the only things I want to know are A) his own account of why his pitching took the same route (he lost 7 of his last 11 appearances) as the Mets in September, and B) whether his number, 57, is a tribute to the a life long love of condiments and the varieties of Heinz Ketchup and other products.

"gonna have a lot of fun"
"looking forward to it"
"ready for the challenge"
"make it very special"
...

How baseball been berry berry good to him, and 110% are the only things he left out. According to Tom Verducci, Johan may have left all his colorful language in the negotiation room.

"I told you I wasn't backing off my number," Santana told Fred Wilpon. "I appreciate your offer, but I'm passing on it."

Wilpon replied, "I've been in business a long time. That's a lot of money to walk away from."

"No disrespect to you," Santana said. "But I deserve it. I'll just go back and pitch and I'll get it later. Alex Rodriguez is the highest paid player in the game. I'm the best pitcher. I'm not even asking for that [Rodriguez] kind of money."

Santana was about to walk out of the room when Wilpon and Greenberg agreed to ask Major League Baseball to extend their negotiating window by two hours. The two sides eventually agreed to split the $5 million difference, settling at $137.5 million. The deal also includes Cy Young Award bonuses that could trigger an option year. One of the sources said Santana told Minaya, "You get my clause, I'll get my Cy Young."

Walking away from a deal over 5 million seems a bit odd. What's he going to do when lilly-livered Willie comes to try to take him out of a game? But adding anyone with a combative nature can't hurt the make up of this collapse-prone squad.

Banner Week for New York (Yankees)

pic borrowed from here

While other Gotham-area teams strive to bring honor and glory to the Big Apple, the NY YANKEES are content to embarrass and humiliate all their fans. Here's just a few of the things they're doing to drag the fine citizens of New York down into the mud despite the Mets and Giants best efforts.

*Despite all they have in common, the fact that Derek Jeter is a tax cheat didn't get near the attention that Wesley Snipes' case did. But he is. Derek Jeter is a tax cheat. Now that the case is settled, expect the media to pop out of his ass where they live to sweep this scandal under the rug. Stealing money from New Yorkers, now that's classy!

*Rocket Roidger Clemens spent the day lying giving a sworn deposition in front of Congress. Rocket says: "It was great to be able to tell them what I've been saying all along -- that I've never used steroids or growth hormone." Sounds great. Clemens' private testimony to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform came one day after his Yankees teammate and workout partner, Andy Pettitte, gave a deposition to committee staff for 2½ hours.

*Meanwhile, not to be outdone, historical Spankers figures wanted their time in the sun. The haggard 45-year-old Kim Mattingly, estranged wife of not-as-good-as-Keith-Hernandez-Don Mattingly, was arrested and charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct after police say she refused to leave his property in Indiana where he is hiding after wasting four years of his life waiting to take over for Joe Torre only to be screwed by Hankerchief Steinbrenner and company. She says he stole her phone and what reason do we have to disbelieve her?

Little known Facts about Johan that you could read somewhere else

Outside of Sidd Finch, I can't think of a better pitcher to be honored with a $250 fake Mets jersey.

Little known (by me) facts about Johan Santana.

1) He is the son of Jesus. "His father, Jesus, taught him the game and Santana spent his early years using Jesus' old glove, forcing him to throw right-handed."
2) He had his own "Jacket." After a shitty 2000 season as a starter (0-3, 9.82 ERA) and reliever (2-0, 5.34), in 2002,"he opened the season in Triple-A with Edmonton. There, pitching coach Bobby Cuellar worked with him on developing his changeup." Bobby Cuellar please pick up the blue and orange courtesy phone.
3) Small countries worship him. He has become a hero in his native Venezuela. People took to the streets after he won his Cy Young in 2004, and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez had to assign security to protect his family.
4) He is an excellent driver. Ok I am assuming he is an excellent driver here.

***

If you want to make yourself puke, click here.

Ode To Pettite

"It's helping the Mets out when they need me."

Today being Stuper Bowl Sunday, even more no one is reading this than usual. That gives me a great opportunity to hatch a nutty theory. (Although my last theory has yet to be dis-confirmed.) Here goes.



This winter could someday end up being remembered as the "winter of Andy Pettite." At least by us Metsfans.

Sound crazy?



Dig.

item one:
The Yankees would have traded Phil Hughes, Melky Cabrera and Jeff Marquez for Santana on Dec. 2, but the Twins asked for Ian Kennedy, too. The Yankees said no, and the next morning, Andy Pettitte announced that he would return to the team.

The Yankees soon pulled their offer and never made another, resisting again Tuesday when Minnesota asked for Cabrera, Kennedy, Marquez and Chien-Ming Wang. Cashman has made his stand, and Santana may be across town to remind him of what might have been.

item two:
McNamee's lawyer, Earl Ward, said Tuesday that he thinks Pettitte will tell the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee that he and Clemens talked about human growth hormone when the two were teammates with the New York Yankees in either 2001 or 2002.


i'm going to hell, i know. but at least i'll see these two there. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So there you have it. The timing of effete southpaw Andy Pettite's return to the Spanks was one variable that helped lead to the Mets successful acquisition of Santana. And now, there are some indications that honest Andy's gonna wipe the Rocket off the books for once and for all.

It may be a while before we understand the role Andy, better known as the chump carrying Rocket's bags around like a clubhouse boy, he of "Bronxback Mountain," played in the achievement of two of the four goals cherished by every Mets fan:

1) the landing of a bona fide ace pitcher
2) the complete and total humiliation of Roger Clemens

But I just want to put it out there, in case Andy should provide further assistance on the other two:
3) the utter destruction of the Atlanta Br*ves
4) the capture of the World Series championship

Thanks Andy!

Things to like going into the Spring:
(Let's keep the sunny disposition going.)




*Pitching, pitching, pitching.

*No high maintenance divas. Pedro hasn't really been a diva in a long time. And you can't really call Carlos Beltran a diva.

*Bench filled with appropriately heroic, if injury prone, character guys.

*Carlos Delgado has now had a full year to hire a nanny and write in his diary.

*Youthful progression. Or whatever you want to call Jose Reyes and David Wright's growth as a result of the September to Dismember. Wright was an MVP last year, according to some, and it seems inevitable that he assume more and more of the leadership of this team. Jose? First it was he wasn't running right, now it's he's running too much.

*SNY guys. Whatever happens, it will brought to us through a very pleasurable broadcast experience. Even in the shadows of Mex, Ron Darling has ascended to near man-crush status for me. And then, of course, there's...

*

Something tells me the Mets will be exchanging some serious grooming tips this season, if nothing else.

Holy Funking Whoopdie Wow!

It's all over but the coughing.

Johan Santana and the New York Mets agreed Friday to a $150.75 million, seven-year contract, a record for a pitcher, and now the only thing to be nervous about is the physicals of all players in the deal. So the Mets will pay him about $21.5 mil a year.

Let's thank god one last time that Omar did not land Barry Zito. Zito received a $126 million, seven-year deal from the San Francisco Giants which looks, for lack of a better word, retarded now.

This week was Santastic!

Br*ves already bitching

Following up on Larry Jone's dissing of David Wright a few months ago, Tim Hudson flaps his gums to let the press know he thinks he's as good as Santana:

"It's not like he's unbeatable," Hudson said of Santana. "He did get hit around last year. If you put Smoltz up against him or me up against him, it's a toss up. Obviously, he can go out there and dominate games. But so can some of the pitchers on our club."

"He's just one player," Hudson said of Santana. "He pitches once every five days."

The article continues it's drive through fantasy land:

Those who have yelled, "Glavine is finished" simply because he struggled in his final three starts might want to realize that he was 2-2 with a 4.97 ERA in his final seven starts. Granted there is a significant age difference. But the fact remains that even the game's best struggle.

"Glavine is finished!" That felt good.