Spring has Sprung

ESPN's Jayson Stark has an article wasting time on washed-up Tomahawk Chop Glavine. Glavine bashing is like my spring training. I got to warm up with some light ripping on an easy target before I go all out and lite into Mr. Derek "Every kind of Mo" Jeter and whatever that is on his head.

I'd say "bleck," but this picture really doesn't disturb me in the least. I am truly pleased that he returned to the Br*ves and did not retire. And now that he's not cashing the Wilpon's checks anymore, the truth can come out. The gushing and inappropriate article has great lines like this:

(blah blah) "Or maybe it's because this is a place where Tom Glavine just seems to fit. This is a man who looks like a Brave, feels like a Brave, even sounds like a Brave. Always has. Always will."

It repeats the canard going around about Br*ves pitching, that it's deep and full of winning pitchers. Having a bunch of injury prone and washed up stars in your line-up and calling it deep is about as dumb as counting on Mike (Traitor) Hampton. Sure the Br*ves could get lucky and get a good year out of Hudson, a healthy year out of Satan, and actual production out of Hampton. But give me a break with this nonsense about Glavine. Stick a (pitch) fork in him, yokels fans. He's done. Write this down: Frank Wren basically made a $8 million dollar contribution to the Glavine dental treatment plan, and marked himself as nowhere near as shrewd and devious as his predecessor. Which, like the prospects of Toothless Tom serving up fat meatballs to our boys in blue and orange, is good news for Mets fans.

The only thing in this make-work article I don't contest is the line:
"But, at the very least, now that Tom Glavine is back, they definitely have the most dangerous golfing twosome in anybody's rotation."

I expect the Br*ves to play the Mets tough as they always do. But not because of Glavine.

***
Heyman seems to get what happened at the Clemens hearings. I'm not sure why the headlines aren't screaming juicy murder. My current faves:

• Why would his good friend Pettitte testify that Clemens told him back in 1999 or 2000 that Clemens took HGH if it wasn't true?

• How could Clemens have been talking about his wife Debbie's HGH usage in that conversation, as he later claimed to Andy Pettitte, according to Clemens' deposition, when Clemens himself admitted Debbie didn't take the HGH until 2003? (By the way, Clemens really threw his wife under the bus there.)

I've looked into it, and there is no truth to the rumor that the Giants are discussing signing Debbie Clemens to hit clean-up; she's too young.

***
Santana fun fact of the day:
the Twins went 105-47 when Santana started over the past five years

Go ahead, kiss yourself.

***
It's not on the level of the Baltimore Orioles trading of Miggy on the eve of the Mitchell Report, but the Mets have dodged some bullets:
Not signing Zito. Not falling for Glavine's tired act again. Passing on Ct. Red Ass. Letting Arod pass by and NOT competing for Posada. Not getting Yourabit Terrible. Not signing the likes of Lohse or Other Duque. Not that this makes up for the Milledge Idiocy, but I'm feeling charitable towards Omar.

***
I'm excited about the prospects of the Mets getting a hack at Glavine, but having Mr. Benson on the team to beat is pretty cool. It's cooler when YOUR team distributes its suckers through the league then when they collect such suckers.