Debbie Does Growth: Found Transcript
Um, I've averaged 25,000 hits over the past few days, all googling a picture of poor Mrs. Clemens, who I previously accused of providing Roger with his stash on January 7. It seems as though this may be truer than even I thought. It also seems the visitors are not here for my stunning parody of PETA and Pedro, nor for my moving comparison of a fictional pitcher to the very real Johan Santana. Seeing where my audiance is coming from, I thought I'd address the Clemen's "Family Plan" here, rather than just going around to other blogs tiresomely claiming credit. Funny commercial, remember? I happen to have come upon the part that AT&T edited out. I think you’ll agree, it’s really the edits that make it truly a funny commercial.
RC: “Honey… I’m out here with the guys and they’re really pushing me hard to come back and play another season in New York. What do you think?”
DC: “Are you kidding?”
RC: “Just say no, just say the word no, and I’ll stay retired.”
DC: You pencil*&$! mother*&!! C**sucker. You piece of dogs**, you swore on your mother, that filthy little &*$!, that you would quit and devote yourself to help me with my sweatshirt bedazzling business. I would think you could look in your heart and see that your !*&?! actions are killing our marriage, but that’s right, you don’t have a *&%$# heart you slimy piece of *&!$!
This just makes Debbie so maaad.
(Debbie, face flush and veins bulging out horrifically, smashes 20 oz. beer bottle over her own head. She takes son Coby by the ears and rams him through the plate glass of the Clemen’s family trophy case. Chokes out family Collie. She takes one of Roger’s Cy Young trophies and puts it down the food disposal unit, strips off all her clothes and defecates on one of his jerseys.)
I’ll kill you!!!!
**end edited portion**
RC: “Just say no, and I won’t do it.”
(Debbie throws something at vase and flowers)
RC: “OK great then, guys I’m back, she’s so happy, she’s speechless!”