It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Debbie Does Growth: Found Transcript

Um, I've averaged 25,000 hits over the past few days, all googling a picture of poor Mrs. Clemens, who I previously accused of providing Roger with his stash on January 7. It seems as though this may be truer than even I thought. It also seems the visitors are not here for my stunning parody of PETA and Pedro, nor for my moving comparison of a fictional pitcher to the very real Johan Santana. Seeing where my audiance is coming from, I thought I'd address the Clemen's "Family Plan" here, rather than just going around to other blogs tiresomely claiming credit. Funny commercial, remember? I happen to have come upon the part that AT&T edited out. I think you’ll agree, it’s really the edits that make it truly a funny commercial.

RC: “Honey… I’m out here with the guys and they’re really pushing me hard to come back and play another season in New York. What do you think?”

DC: “Are you kidding?”

RC: “Just say no, just say the word no, and I’ll stay retired.”

**edited portion**

DC: You pencil*&$! mother*&!! C**sucker. You piece of dogs**, you swore on your mother, that filthy little &*$!, that you would quit and devote yourself to help me with my sweatshirt bedazzling business. I would think you could look in your heart and see that your !*&?! actions are killing our marriage, but that’s right, you don’t have a *&%$# heart you slimy piece of *&!$!

This just makes Debbie so maaad.

(Debbie, face flush and veins bulging out horrifically, smashes 20 oz. beer bottle over her own head. She takes son Coby by the ears and rams him through the plate glass of the Clemen’s family trophy case. Chokes out family Collie. She takes one of Roger’s Cy Young trophies and puts it down the food disposal unit, strips off all her clothes and defecates on one of his jerseys.)

I’ll kill you!!!!

**end edited portion**

RC: “Just say no, and I won’t do it.”

(Debbie throws something at vase and flowers)

RC: “OK great then, guys I’m back, she’s so happy, she’s speechless!”

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  • At 9:31 PM, Blogger MP said…

    The circus gets more interesting everyday. Love the blog...always a good read.

  • At 8:53 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    The first thing I remembered when the Debbie Clemens news came out was your January post. When I read it back then I thought it was funny, because it was so outrageous. But maybe you were really on to something.

    Think back to the 60 Minutes interview in which he said, "Where is the person out there gave 'em to me? Please, please come forward." At the time I wondered, how could he be so sure that some ratfink steroid distributor would not take him up on that?

    Here is another fact to ponder: When Clemens' lawyers were going postal last week over the leaked Debbie allegations, they vociferously denied that Roger encouraged his wife to get HGH and they said things like "The guy is a liar", and one of them said, "Did Roger get the Cy Young 'cause his wife took the HGH?" But as far as I can see, no one ever said, "She didn't do it."

    Possibly even in the early years he was careful not to leave any evidence of steroid purchasing - but if his wife got them for him, he is protected because she can't be asked to testify against him. What do the lawyers call that? spousal privilege or something?

  • At 10:42 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    thanks mp. I like what you've got going on there at Ketchup.

    Katherine, you're right, they haven't denied it. Clemen's legal strategy seems to be shoot up a storm of near slander and hope nobody comes up with incontrovertable evidence. If my lawyer was named Rusty I'd be nervous. Perhaps the Clemens team is so smug because Debbie is their ace in the hole.
    It's a shame that she has to be dragged into this by her scumbag husband since she is comparatively innocent. I'm sure Roger will sell her our just as soon as he would buzz his own son at the plate.

    My prediction is that they try to use Debbie, either creatively or by design, to shield Roidger. They will say his lies were somehow just protecting her, which rings hollow when one notices, as you have, that they are not exactly going gangbusters defending her now.

  • At 3:03 AM, Anonymous cvertana said…

    I'm eagerly awaiting your latest John Rocker post - I'm sure it will be a doozy. Was that a joke or did you really get 20,000 google hits for the Debbie Clemens photo? I've got to catch up here, since I haven't finished the lengthy Larry Jones piece - looks good. Pitchers and Catchers are coming in a few days - including Chan Armas Park, Jr.

  • At 12:57 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    Everyone send the Twins a box of candy! Poor bastards just signed Other Duque:

    That could have been us!

    Cver this Debbie nonsense peaked at well over 35,000! and now it seems to be going down a bit.

    I'm looking forward to Rocker's visit to Congress to kiss some compromised elected official ass.


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