Fifty Ways Lose to Philly: A Reply to Mark Simon

To show that no good deed goes unpunished, I want to take this opportunity to supply something that might sober up the well-meaning Mark Simon, who methinks has had a little too much eggnog. Over the past 3 years, we have seen the Mets lose in every conceivable way and some that were not so conceivable. Now that that the Alderson administration is in place we can look back and laugh. Can't we?  Here I present, inspired, as everything I do, by this immortal post...

50 Ways the Mets Lose to Philly (and everyone else)
sung if necessary to the tune of Paul Simon's Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover (1975)...

Get triple-played, Dave.
Watch things get hairy, Terry.
Utley touches 'em all, Paul.
Mets wiff at Halladay, Bay.
...and take your base free.

Watch 'em trade for Lee, Gee. 
Reyes OBP takes a dip, Chip.
Drop a pop fly, Guy (Conti).
Slip Wright a mickey, Dickey
...and rebuild again.

Misuse the pen, Dan Warthen
Play the field like hell, Oberkfell
Build a weak roster, George Foster.
Ollie's on the lawn, Pagan.
...and trade the core.

Get shut down by a Cuban, Rueben.
Eat too much pre-game Gouda, Duda.
End the game with a K, R.A.
Management fail, Hale.
...and leave fans unhappy.

Get beat by Shane, John Maine.
Hurlers can't hit a barn, Parns. 
On the final day at Shea, Reyes.
No hit through seven, Nick Evans.
...to bad to believe.

Santana gets hit unholy, Thole.
Mets LOOGY has nada, Tejada.
that Howard's a beast, Niese.
Surrender to the Fish, Misch.
...and take your base free.

Top 10 Possible Mets Jobs for Omar Minaya

 

Omar Minaya, only recently relieved of his duties as Mets GM after what some believe is a stunning reign of error, is back in the news. Reports are surfacing that Minaya will  meet with Mets GM Sandy Alderson next year to discuss a potential new role in the organization that is still paying him as far as I know.  With Alderson at least pretending to search for a spot in the Mets organization for the beleaguered ex-honcho, we have to start the speculation. Will Minaya take his talents back to Flushing, and can the organization survive such a misstep? Here are just a few possible titles Minaya might be offered, to get the conversation started.

10. assistant to the Assistant Regional Bumbler

9. Bobby Bonilla liaison

8. Citifield visiting team bullpen groundsman

7. (new) head of promotional video, ticket sales division

6. coordinator of fan zen training program

5. Mr. Met fluffer

4. Shirtless executive trainer/Saul Katz speech writer (part time)

3. Oliver Perez contract (currency to lollipops and hugs) fulfillment officer

2. Terry Collins tie selection committee/personal shopper

1. Kevin Burkhardt location scout team leader



As a loyal employee, Minaya takes the cake.

Welcome back, Omar!

OK Cerrone Cerrone Whatever Will Be Will Be

Of all the things we could be blogging about, the Mets are the most painful.

At the risk of coming off as flat and off-putting as a Michael Jordan t-shirt commercial, I'm gonna make one last foray into the Met-a blogger access debate, one that has now joined by none other than the godfather of Mets blogging, Matthew Cerrone, yesterday on his prominent website.

I have to say,  I take mild offense at Cerrone's post, not because I think that in addressing this topic, he should have acknowledged my small, immature gag blog, or taken my argument seriously, but because instead he managed to link to Andy Martino, who recently swore he'd cover spring training in a grape smuggler.  That smarts, man. Fair or not, the subtext I'm getting is that he doesn't get out of bed to interact with you unless your circulation is impressive, no pun intended.

I'm going to go ahead and link to him, show his writing some love with the 3 to12 hits he'll now doubtless get from my curious reader(s) and extended family (heavy snark) to try to repay his magnanimity over the years to his blogging colleagues (no snark).  
Matthew Cerrone, you're welcome (lite snark).

Yes, I took some subtle and juvenile shots in my last couple posts (I'm dangerous like that), but by and large I do not like to criticize my fellow maternal cellar dwellers. In fact, for the little it is worth, I have often defended Mr. Cerrone in chats and on blogs from what I see as personal attacks.  His blog was the main inspiration for me to start my own electronic diary, as I'm sure it was for many, so I want to be clear that nothing I say should be taken as ignoring his accomplishments or generosity. Plus, I don't know him personally--he seems like a swell guy.  Cerrone is unquestionably one of the 3-5 most important figures in Mets blargosphere history, but this also makes what he writes that much more important. I think he can take the criticism of a novelty sports blog is what I'm saying.

So I want to talk about his post, "Mets, Blogs, Media and Access" and since this is an asymmetrical encounter (as Matt mentions, he gets "3.5 million page views per month" whereas I have somewhere north of 350,000 in total--I think this means that I'd have to blog for 50 years to get the number of hits he gets in a month, but you do the math) and Matthew ignores my argument (that we need to pay special attention to access issues because the ascendancy of blogs has undermined the old sources of authority without providing new ones) altogether anyway, I will confine myself to a few, probably wasted, words on the main points in Matthew's post, which for my money is as wrong as Roger Cedeno in center.

First, I'd say his post exhibits a fundamental misunderstanding--chalk it up to a willful naivete, or impenetrable ideological commitments, only Matthew knows for sure--of the way power works.  Much of his response to the access issue reads as though it was written by someone stung by past unfair criticisms, and I don't think this is unreasonable on his part. As I said, much of the flak I've seen directed his way in the last five years is off base. But here is some flak I think his writing deserves:

1) Web 2.0 blarg!

Content in the world of Web 2.0 is a meritocracy, and so if the majority of my readers didn’t feel I was honest or authentic enough as a Mets fan, and I no longer fulfilled something for them, if my harshest critics are correct, people would have stopped reading, MetsBlog would stop growing, and people would find a new blog to read.

Sorry this just strikes me as unadulterated bullshit Kool Aid drinking.  I'm willing to listen to arguments about meritocracy and be persuaded, I suppose, but the fact that I can't think of a single human pursuit in a capitalist economy where this holds water does not bode well.  Where is the empirical evidence for this claim, that a website will only continue to grow in popularity/survive if the web-democracy-addled clickers and empowered browsers out there don't start to suspect that, hey this guy doesn't really love the Mets at time T-2 as he did at T-1? Without evidence it is no more than (slightly self-serving) balderdash.  What kind of experiments would we run to show that this is more than warmed over Web 2.0 meritocracy non-sense?  Do MB's hits decline when Matt's heart and authenticity are not on display, say when Barron is writing all MB's posts for weeks on end? That would be the first correlation I'd look at.  As for the sentiments about the web being a meritocracy, well I let my subscription to Wired expire, so I won't wade in over my head here, but c'mon. The position I see implied here, that big money, advertising, path dependency, choke points, etc. have no impact upon whether readers continue to visit a "blog" or website strains my ability to articulate how much ideological tartuffery permeates such statements.  No matter how much passionate shit is given, the fact that (through moxie and networking) Metsblog (deservedly) got "there" first is most likely why it gains readers, because of the high profile it has in searches, among advertisers, and of course, because it is affiliated with the NY Mets and their media outlet. To explain this continued market dominance in terms of meritocracy, well I just don't see any evidence for that.  To link it to my own concerns, is it possible that the MB phenomenon cost the reporting industry some jobs, i.e., the very beat writers whose stories MB survived on in the early years?  If that were so, I'd add "market share" to honesty and authenticity if you want to explain the growth of the mega sports blog.

2) "Conspiracy theory"

In my opinion, it is a ridiculous thing to imply that we need resort to conspiracy to posit that big money has the potential to change editorial content.  I take Matt at his word about his SNY deal not, to his mind, affecting the editorial positions he takes on the team.  But financial backing influences the results we see in every other human endeavor, politics, sports, science, medicine, publishing, moon-golfing, pornography, and you want me to believe that sports blogs somehow operate in a vacuum? There is probably much more to be said here and other wags may go ballistic over Matt's use of the word "shit" in his post, on a website that reportedly routinely bans curse words by limiting its commentator pool so as not to offend the sponsors.  It's his website, his paycheck, and it is a reasonable policy so I don't fucking care about that (see what I fucking did there?).  But obviously the boundaries of appropriate criticism are implied and there are somethings you can't say, even if Saul LOLKatz doesn't drag Matt behind the SNY Beer Money set, clutch his testicles and hiss "watch your ass fan boy."  To reiterate my previous sentiments, the corporate control of or influence on content is only important to the extent that, as I have argued, "blogs" replace, crowd out, and drown other sources of news, analysis, and authority.  That raises the issue beyond the realm of personal integrity of any one blogger towards a systemic issue that no one blog's behavior can influence alone.

3. But I'm Just a Fan!

Finally, it is possible to critique this post by pointing to how Matt's writing implies being an average-guy-fan can exempt him from any responsibility. I haven't seen Metsblog as a "blog" for 3-4 years now, and I say this not to stake out some fundamentalist territory that I frankly have no standing to claim, but only to point out that calling MB a blog risks evacuating the term of any meaning.  In the context of Mets fan webpages, Metsblog is a huge powerhouse that directs massive amounts of traffic, one that whether intentionally or not, legitimizes certain points of view while delegitimizing others.  To deny that power while crowing about your access and page hits feels like poor form. And as Spiderman knows, with great power comes the ability to hang upside down and make non-stop quips.

I will close with some slightly more inflammatory rhetoric.  If Metsblog isn't exhibit A for the power of financial backing and access and its subtle influence, then I'm Gary Carter.  I lurked, read and commented on his excellent and path-breaking blog from its inception up until a few years ago, and I hope he won't take offense when I say that in the early years, the communities comments/posts, not the actual editorial content, were the major draw. It was like sitting in an electronic bar with other knowledgeable and oppressed Mets fans, and it was fantastic.  That said, Metsblog made choices along the way, as is their right.  Symbolically, they chose to remove their corny "blog roll," something I took as indicating their fundamental shift in self-identity from a blog with roots in a community into a corporately sponsored website. And that shift might not change the fan at the heart of the enterprise, but it changes the game considerably.

Amazin' Access? Further Notes from an Irrelevant Hollywood Novelty Sports Blogger

 
 Hey Metsfans, who would you rather show at your next Christmas party me (pictured on right) or that guy?

This might be in poor taste, coming as Mets bloggers excitedly celebrate their inclusion at the Mets Christmas party festivities (full disclosure: I was not invited, however I was invited by exclusive email to save 10% off my entire ShopMets.com order), but I thought I would kill a few more internet trees by reacting to reactions to my modest proposal that it could happen here, a conversation wiped for the most part off the blargosphere map by the general Lee catastrophe. Andy Martino of the Daily News apparently independently posted around the same time a comment on the Mets and social media, though his take was aimed at illuminating his blogging friends as to the politics of access they were about to get schooled in, so you can see that beat writers and sports journalists will weight in on this as time goes on, or until their COBRA payments become to burdensome. Although I have been kicking some shit about the MLB's generally pathetic efforts to co-opt "blogging" for a while,  I won't pretend to have pioneered this particular debate or even added that much, but the systemic factors I am gesturing at won't just go away if we stick our heads in the orange and blue web mud.


I may not get to go to the Holiday raves, but have you ever been offered 25% off a combination comely Mets companion/couch?

Flare ups over the meaning of the Great SNY Metblogger Fête of '08 were as heated and controversial as can be expected when personal integrity is perceived to be at stake.  But I don't want to stake out holier-than-thou territory with some of my favorite bloggers, most of whom I have nothing but respect for. Besides, I myself would squeeze into rhinestoned Mets cut-off top if it meant a night in Alyssa Milano's  Dodgers field box.


Go ahead, call me out. I will put my money where my mouth is or the opposite as is appropriate. I'm not too proud for Danza-related role play.

To wit, I'm not as interested in the free hotdog-stooges vs. jealous-left-out-periphery back and forth (since the continued existence of Cody Ross exhausts my efforts at personal destruction) as much as I am in the way our system, the Mets blargosphere, is changing and may transform in the future.  This is all very speculative and future-oriented and I admit, totally "unprovable." To be sure, the blogger hierarchies taking shape with the subtle influence of cash from the still impressive Wilpon empire may melt away or shift whenever Jimmy from Long Island shuts down his Met blog because the baby cries too much and hell its cutting into his porn time.  So for now, I will just provide some logic and a touch of scant evidence that we should pay attention to this trend with a skeptical eye.  For those of you with short attention spans, here is the shred of evidence: according to some reports, we may already have seen team owners in other sports retaliating against their bloggers.  Will the Wilpon's Wooing Work Wonders or Wound Wonks?

Of those that are paying me any mind, some are scoffing at my prevarications.  But most are treating my inflammatory insinuations with humor and class.  Joe Budd doesn't buy what I'm selling.   IMFM fanclub member and noted prize-fighter James K. brilliantly reworked the theme into some last-minute holiday Jeff Francoeur bashing.  Intelligent Met analysis impresario Eric Simon hasn't posted something this hilarious since he chose Rey Ordonez for his top 50 All time Mets list.  Greg Prince, the half of the esteemed Mets blogging and literacy advocacy duo who knows who I am, was not amused, but he probably thinks he has seen this before.

What might these top-shelf fan bloggers, all of whom do their taxes on time, have a way with words and by all accounts swell fellows, have in common? To put words in their keyboards, they seem to think my hypothesis can be infirmed by the up-standing actions of a few. To this I say: nah. Although I rarely traffic in the falsifiable in this space, if my comments can be taken seriously, I don't think it's unreasonable to say that my main point is being missed. The objectivity or judgment of any one blogger isn't the key to understanding how corporate influence will or will not "defang" manipulate or otherwise impact content and editorial choices in the newly empowered Mets blargosphere. All I am saying is: 1) the dynamic of the shift towards blogs from paid media will interact with 2) the corporation's efforts to sell their product in any way they can (short of producing a reliable, entertaining product--ZING!) in what are potentially damaging ways. Also, 3) I have no solutions to offer.

First, the "dynamic." The blurring of journalism/hobbyist boundaries is a fact, in my opinion.  It should suffice to point to the agreement of noted commentators as diverse as the violent Buzz Bissinger and anti-WAR Murray Chass. The "dynamic" simply put, is the replacement of paid reporters with unpaid enthusiasts. Now here is my related opinion: even while the bloggers celebrate their ascendancy, having replaced Old World newspapers and magazines as the go-to source of info and analysis, our communal, systemic ability to produce balanced, critical thought suffers because there is of yet no one carry out the functions of an editor, and no one to verify that those that do voluntarily take up such an editing, peer review function are not themselves compromised.  (Spare me the wisdom-of-crowds-anecdotal-internet-triumphalist line and Jayson Blairism for now.) For the time being, that is where we are.

For instance, my sources tell me that Eric Simon at Amazin' Access lounges around in Turk Wendell's old monogrammed smoking jacket, given to him by Charlie Samuels, but I would never publicize that since I don't want to jeopardize my access to, say,  one-on-one R.A. Dickey interviews or Oliver Perez updates. So I'm keeping my mouth shut, and I don't expect to see dirty secrets like this coming out anytime soon. On the other hand, I can say or not say whatever I want because there is nothing but an over-hyped hive mind to correct me if I make shit up. There is no editor, I am not responsible to anyone but a bunch of mostly anonymous teenage readers in adderall-fueled moments of non-distraction. I am not a role model. What should I do? But I digress.

Even if you don't agree with my last few leaps of logic, then riddle me this: will "I" (random Met blogger) get invited to the next Shake Shack shin-dig if the pimply faced Mets intern assigned to blogger relations Googles "My Blog Name" and and comes up with "Jeff Wilpon is entitled twerp who has for years run the NY Metropolitans into the ground"?? (This is the least controversial statement I could come up with, a consensus shared, I wager, by most Met bloggers/sentient carbon-based lifeforms, chosen as an example. There are others.)

So...if we residents of the Mets blargosphere are as important as we think we are, then this phenomenon--the interaction between "the dynamic" I have clumsily sketched here, and the creeping corporate appropriation of the blog space (for lack of a better turn of phrase)--bears following, if not by the multitude of Mets bloggers just happy to hawk Mets merchandise, regurgitate news feeds, and forward stadium amenity complaints to the front office, then certainly by the articulate and thoughtful few: our blogging leaders who have earned their status and our respect.  In other words, draw you own conclusions, but draw some at least.

***
 
Does the fact the Mets have Jason Bay, not pictured, answering the phones at Sterling enterprises mean he is healthy? Or are the Mets just trying to get value out of his contract?

In happy news, the Mets are making Jason Bay join their annual Holiday Ticket-Pushing-We-Also-Play-in-NY , having him dial the phone, and twitter with fans who never lack for burning questions about at-bat music. Bay was last seen being attacked by TARP field's heinous dimensions.  Excerpts:

NewYorkMets

RT @metsfanmx Hi Jason. What are your expectations for the 2011 season??? Just to play hard every night 

NewYorkMets

  

RT @Ianrnolan what's your favorite ballpark to play in other than city field? Coors Field. Very majestic  

NewYorkMets

  

RT @RockOnNdRollOn.... Can you wish me an early happy birthday ? Please pleaseeee ? Happy Birthday!!! 


Hell if Bay can retweet, that shows some serious recovery of motor skills. So watch out, Greatest Rotation of All Time, J-Bay can see straight!! And, I may be reading into this, but would the Rockies be up for a personnel swap with J-Bay as the centerpiece? I bet he can hit it out of their majestic confines.

Will Our Long Metropolitan Night-Amaro Never End? Cliff Lee Gets Silly with Philly

Cliff Lee risks vomit attacks on his family to sign with Philadelphia. 

In a bold step, Phillies GM Ruben Amaro countered new Mets GM Sandy Alderson's acquisition of Boof Bonser last night by somehow outplaying the Yankees and the Rangers to land 2008 AL Cy Young Award winning pitcher Cliff Lee.  The Phils and Mets GMs are clearly locked in a battle for control of the National League East and this observer for one is waiting with baited breath to see who lands the next roundhouse!!


With Bonser in the fold, Mets fans minds are set at ease.

Informed of the Phillies' deal, Alderson quipped that it "Makes some of our contracts look pretty good.  That’s a long time, and a lot of money. I thought they were trying to fix the crack in the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, not smoke crack." The spirited jesting is in good fun, but once the season starts, these two executive suite warriors will be all business!! The business of winning that is.

Alderson Starts Never-Ending Honeymoon by Co-opting Mets Fans with Phone Calls and Pretty Words

 The Evil Empire might still be in the neighborhood, but the planet Alderson is not scheduled for destruction

Last week, the Mets blargosphere was all a twitter over the inclusion of several blogs in a bonafide conference call with Sandy Alderson (though I couldn't help but notice that the gang from Sour PessimisticF*ckerMetsFanz.com were not invited). Full disclosure: I was only invited to the pager message exchange with J.P. Ricciardi, not the group call with the big cheese. Fuller disclosure: I may now be the only one even mildly concerned with the potential consequences for independently-minded "coverage" of the Mets in light of the Wilpon's wooing.  Not that there are really any "independently" minded Mets commentators left out there; if we wanted that service, we'd still have sportswriters at our major newspapers (I keed)!

 
 Jealous much? Yeah I was there.

But gosh it looks like the Alderson regime has oh so cunningly stroked the egos of those that are paying the most attention, that is, the obsessive fans with electronic diaries.  With mainstream Met journalism looking increasingly bankrupt (not because they do a bad job necessarily, but the zeitgeist is bending them over and bloggers are happy to take their sloppy seconds without asking to be paid), and with the Mets having all but purchased one of the largest "fan blogs" out there to go along with their purchase of Mr.-First-Question Kevin Burkhart, it's not too outrageous to posit that the Mets probably won't be coming in for any serious criticism for the foreseeable future.  And well they shouldn't, you may be saying...after all, they hired Sandy Alderson didn't they?

I'll say this for the Sandy love: I haven't seen someone take office in an organization with standards this low since our last presidential election, know what I'm sayin'?

***
Say what you want about the Deadspin guy, but the "without access...blah blah... without favor" part of their motto is what they got right. For me one of the fundamental characteristics of "blogs"--what makes them blogs instead of some other media or publicity outlet--is that they don't have access to the locker rooms, they don't sit on the team planes, don't know the players, don't have to polish the "Budweiser Hot Seat" etc.  Access is not the value added here, it's being able to say whatever you damn please, and be as profane or fawning as you like.  Am I saying you're a bad person if you accept your favorite team's offer to let your blogger ass go frolic in the dugout or hang out in the rich people seats? Of course not.

But I have to wonder about the long term effects.  Systemically, the blogs have replaced the newspeople as sources for information and analysis, and these blogs, "staffed" by wide-eyed innocents like myself, are arguably more susceptible to influence than beat writers or commentators who report to and are accountable to editors and readers, etc. Who knows what the ramifications are or if they're even worth fretting about. Maybe we don't really need the critical distance of journalists to understand the sports world. If so, we may be on the road to that happy place, one where we believe whatever we're told and all Angels come from a town called Los Angeles of Anaheim.

So here's my question: all earnest appearances aside (and the Sandinator is getting rave reviews for his answers), are the Mets really reaching out to the bloggers because they value their service, opinions, commitment, etc.? Or because the corporation has tickets to an perpetually embarrassing, sub-par product to hock, and they know that our trusted blogs have the appearance of integrity and are perfectly positioned to serve as a platform for sales?

There you have it.  The NY Mets are co-opting the Mets blargosphere. With some effort, I have strained to sound the world's first negative note about the new Met bosses, though if I am missing someone else's bitching in the blargosphere, do let me know. 

[Along these lines, I was wondering what former Met maven Wallace Matthews has been up to, then remembered his mirthful messages are trapped behind Newsday.com's ridiculous pay wall. That website (which I refuse to link to) is now featuring "open access until January 7th," aka the who-are-we-kidding-special. Then I realized that W-Mat moved to EspnNY (which I will still link to for some reason) so I checked him out there and he seems to have totally forgotten about the Mets. He only covers the Yankers now, spending his time passionately defending the media's overcoverage of the Jeter contract jerkwagon. It all must be eating him up from the inside, having to be so positive. Anyhow, we won't have Wallace Matthews to kick us around anymore.]

Am I being overly negative about this conference call?  Hypocritical?  Short-sighted? Perhaps. But since there aren't too many Mets blogs out there that weren't in on the call, there aren't too many other blokes that will bother to float the argument that the Mets reaching out to their fanbase could be a bad thing. So you're welcome.
  
***
My classic statement on this issue notwithstanding, Noel Murray's take on the puzzle of why sports casting sucks is one of the better ones I have seen (H/T Berganator).

***
For reasons I can barely comprehend, I am now on Twitter, trying to hard to being pointlessly witty, and talking about what my stomach is doing.  Good luck trying to follow me, I couldn't tell you how.

QuesTek For Your Baseball Library: Ballpark E-Guide--Citifield

 
 Do you like planning things?  It may be the dead of winter, but if you get home tonight from celebrating the Mets' acquisition of D.J. Carrasco with the burning desire to plan out your next trip to Citi Field where you will be able to enjoy "lower" ticket prices next season, I may have just the thing for you.

If you don't go to a ton of games during the season, or if you have children, a car, or are a normal person with other things going on in your life, getting to the park to see your beloved team underperform can be a hassle. And for the thrifty, the Mets website doesn't have an interest in helping you do anything but empty your wallet into the Wilpon investment fund.

Here is where Kurt Smith's guide can help. It is a primer that mainly covers ticketing, parking, and concessions with some tips for cheapskates thrown in.  Smith helpfully runs down the price schedule for tickets in Citi's various sections which range from "inexpensive" to "OK now this is just ridiculous." Anxious ticket buying newbies will find the section on obstructed seating helpful, as Smith points out the seats to avoid--worth the price of the guide all by itself for many of us! Other concerns, such as where you could potentially park for free, where to find the "fancy beer," what you can smuggle bring into the park (peanuts and a little water or soda), and where you can get cheap hotdogs for your little brats, are addressed throughout the well-written 25 page guide.

Smith had me (and I suspect many Mets fans) on the first page where he breezes through a litany of complaints about the Mets' new stadium--the stain of Citi corporation, the unrequited Dodgers-love, the pricing, the obstructed views. But it turns out you can still have a swell old time in the house that TARP built, particularly if you can see the game, can be relatively sure you haven't paid too much for your tickets, and can rest assured that your car will probably be there when you go looking for it after the game.

Now for the ultimate IMFM QuesTek question: would I buy this if it wasn't given to me for free to review? Yeah, I think I would, because it is cheap and functions something like a friend who knows the Citi ropes for those of us who have no friends.  For five bucks,  you won't be breaking the bank to get some inside info and I think there is a nugget of detail in here for every fan, no matter how many miles their foam finger has logged. But you could also think of it as five dollars the Wilpons won't get out of you. The guide can be purchased here, and there are links to other possibly relevant guides for Mets fans, to Bronx and Philly parks where a little intelligence gathering can perhaps help them avoid being vomited on or attacked.

Finally Some Excitement: Mets Considering Long for Stick Handler Job

 

I just looked up and realized the hotstove was underway. Underwhelming.

In the next phase of their overly transparent, tremendously boring off-season rebuilding plan participation activities, the Mets have let the press in on their secret deliberations over Terry Collin's staff. And finally there is an exciting morsel for us bloggers: Don Long is being considered to be the next Mets hitting coach!

Aside from his impressive resume ("Long was the hitting coach in Pittsburgh the past three seasons, where he worked with Jason Bay"), I am excited for the punning possibilities Coach Long can bring to the table, a group that already has a Dickey. "Long" rhymes with "dong," a euphemism for home run, to name just one example.

While I can't wait to see if Dong can beat off Andy Van Slyke's challenge, I can still look at the bright side. Hopefully the team won't be filled with douche-burgers.  And the new management won't be tone deaf.  But I have to say, constant ho hum news ("Mets hope to be active in Rule V draft!") doesn't make for a warm hot stove.


The Mets are looking for anyone to fill their rotation. Aaaarraaaaauuuuuuuuu.

While cutting ties with John Maine, Sean Green, and arguably Pedro Feliciano has to count for something, the Mets stated goal of "bargain" hunting for pitching isn't inspiring me to save my pennies for another MLB "Extra" Innings subscription. The Mets moved quickly to lock up the immortal Mike O'Connor,  and are said (are you sitting down?) to be debating the merits of Chris Young vs. Jeff Francis. Or is that Jeff Young and Chris Francis? The stark contrast between the Mets' penny pinching rebuilding plan and the NY media's willingness to report anything points to just how out of sorts this franchise has become.

We Mets fans are willing to try anything, even fiscal responsibility, to recover the dignity and pride we lost during the Minaya/Saul Katz regime. So the big splash isn't necessary. And we are primed to wait and see what happens before judging: the glass isn't half full or half empty yet

This is all well and good, but who is going to want to buy tickets to this?

Carrasco! Paulino! Oh yeah!

***
How does this make you feel?
Terry Collins is Minaya's kind of guy!