It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Fifty Ways Lose to Philly: A Reply to Mark Simon

To show that no good deed goes unpunished, I want to take this opportunity to supply something that might sober up the well-meaning Mark Simon, who methinks has had a little too much eggnog. Over the past 3 years, we have seen the Mets lose in every conceivable way and some that were not so conceivable. Now that that the Alderson administration is in place we can look back and laugh. Can't we?  Here I present, inspired, as everything I do, by this immortal post...

50 Ways the Mets Lose to Philly (and everyone else)
sung if necessary to the tune of Paul Simon's Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover (1975)...

Get triple-played, Dave.
Watch things get hairy, Terry.
Utley touches 'em all, Paul.
Mets wiff at Halladay, Bay.
...and take your base free.

Watch 'em trade for Lee, Gee. 
Reyes OBP takes a dip, Chip.
Drop a pop fly, Guy (Conti).
Slip Wright a mickey, Dickey
...and rebuild again.

Misuse the pen, Dan Warthen
Play the field like hell, Oberkfell
Build a weak roster, George Foster.
Ollie's on the lawn, Pagan.
...and trade the core.

Get shut down by a Cuban, Rueben.
Eat too much pre-game Gouda, Duda.
End the game with a K, R.A.
Management fail, Hale.
...and leave fans unhappy.

Get beat by Shane, John Maine.
Hurlers can't hit a barn, Parns. 
On the final day at Shea, Reyes.
No hit through seven, Nick Evans. bad to believe.

Santana gets hit unholy, Thole.
Mets LOOGY has nada, Tejada.
that Howard's a beast, Niese.
Surrender to the Fish, Misch.
...and take your base free.

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  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    not too many people alive who know who paul simon is, eh?

  • At 7:40 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    I think that's quite a holiday toe tapper, Mr. IMFM! With you around, definitely not the day the music died.

    See you at Barney's Beanery, It's Mets For Me

    Well, I gave it a try - not as easy as you make it look:)

    Happy Holidays and New Year!

  • At 9:51 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Hey cver,
    happy holidays! May your new year be much much better than your lousy baseball team!!

  • At 5:49 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    Mr. IMFM, may I speak in the "royal we" and say, "we miss you"? - because "we" do. Besides royalty, what else do we prize and envy in America? Of course, criminals, celebrities, sports figures and scholars. So with the latest additions, the Mets are complete. They now have a handful of master debaters. We need those winter posts from the man himself!

  • At 1:37 PM, Anonymous =( Met fan =( said…

    Maybe Mr. IMFM was waiting until after the Chin-lung Hu press conference to post. After all, it is the first press conference in MLB history for a career .191 hitter. Another historic moment at CitiField!

  • At 12:10 AM, Blogger KristenH said…

    After yesterday's news you just have to write something about the team. The Wilpons may finally at least have to take on a business partner to provide them with more cash flow which I have wanted for months now. Unfortunately I feel it is too little too late since I thought 2011 should have been more of a priority for them and I wrote that before the 2010 season started. But whatever. At least the Wilpons are finally admitting that they may not have the money to keep the team anymore which is a very good thing especially if Cuban could possibly get involved with the Mets somehow. Also I know you are not Alderson's biggest fan either and I wish you would recap his so inspiring off season. LOL.

  • At 4:32 AM, Anonymous cver said…

    There is a groundswell of demand for a new post, so it seems, Mr. IMFM.

  • At 9:30 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    the fans have spoken. But are you willing to do 20-25% of the work for me?

  • At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Who know - maybe - if I am brought into the inner IMFM sanctum:)

  • At 7:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Whoops - that last anonymous comment was me.

  • At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Something went wrong - the last two comments were from me - CVER!

  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    the mets are finally improving their defense!

  • At 11:25 AM, Blogger 白安傑 said…



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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.