IMFM Exclusive: Jeter Rebuffed by Yanks, Signs 5 yr. contract with Westhill Thunder Bunnies
Derek Jeter has yet to be fitted for his new Westhill softball threads but his passion is infectious, the girls say.
After rejecting the Yankee's front office offer of $15 million/yr for 3 years, Derek Jeter wasn't happy to get Brian Cashman's advice to shop around for a better contract. Not surprisingly, a prideful Jeter took his talents to the free agent market, guided only by his agent, Casey Close, and an exaggerated sense of self-worth.
Jeter "will be reviewing" his liquor fueled decision-making and negotiating strategies
Enter the Westhill Thunderbunnies of Onondaga County, New York. T-Bunnies GM Larry Glasscok knew that after six straight 4th place finishes, his Westhill lineup needed some clutch pop at the shortstop position as much as it needed an injection of gritty leadership. While Jeter was seeking a minimum of four more years and perhaps as much as six more, at approximately $20 million per season, Glasscok played the market perfectly and offered 5 years at $17 million annually, landing the overrated, sometime tax cheat Jeter without so much as offering a no-trade clause. "I'm aware of Jeter's career-low 2010 .270 batting average, laughable defensive range, and general decline," said Glasscok, "but Samantha, Britney and Chloe laugh and fool around way too much on the bench and these girls could benefit from Derek's leadership and intangibles."
Rumors that Jeter will fire his agent Casey Close, left, are unconfirmed.
In related news, minor television star Minka Kelly released a statement breaking off her relationship with the known herpes spreading ex-Yankee. "I am a little too good looking" to be associated with a guy with "that bad a haircut and such an alarming portfolio of sexual illnesses who doesn't have any money," the actress was quoted as saying.
Kelly: "I'm done with this mo"
Labels: derek jeter crotch heater
posted by I.M. Forme @ 12:01 AM
7 Comments:
At 9:11 AM,
Anonymous said…
Happy Thanksgiving!
At 9:12 AM,
cver said…
Whoops, sorry, the Happy Thanksgiving was from me!
At 12:10 AM,
I.M. Forme said…
hey cver hope you have a nice holiday!
At 12:27 PM,
I.M. Forme said…
spare parts pitchers. Yay!!
At 11:46 PM,
cver said…
And a big splash would be getting Moises to teach our baserunners how to get injured and Van Slyke could point out to Alderson which of our players are on the the juice, so Alderson can ignore it:) I do have to wonder whether this slow and deliberate style (or at least the PR is that) will benefit the Mets and how much patience the fanbase will have for it. Also curious how the ticket sales and turnouts will be in 2011. If the new crack crew are so great, it would seem to me to make sense to give them the money to spend for 2011 also. Alderson wouldn't have to tie his hands for 2012 - to some extent, I think that is a falacy. If the Mets were resigned to increasing their payroll to, let's say, 150 to 160 mil, they could sign players now to one year contracts to contend in 2011 and if there is a player that the new team thinks is worth the money for more than one year, you would think that the team would be in a better position for 2012, wouldn't they? Wouldn't that give them a shorter shopping list, assuming the player(s) are worth it and have durability. I mean, in 2012, Alderson talks about being active for the big fish, but they won't sign one year deals, that's for sure! So, assuming there is someone who is worth it this season, I would think that would help them contend this year, increase ticket sales and be a piece going forward. The problem is the Wilpons don't want to take the next step. That makes all their talk about caring about the fans disingenuous. It seems they care up to a point - and that point has a numerical value being around 130 mil give or take.
At 3:51 PM,
I.M. Forme said…
so you don't think this team could use a little piss on their hands?
I don't know if worthwhile players, significant free agents, will be willing to sign for such a short contract, for a 4th place team.
At 5:37 PM,
cver said…
Good point! Garland wanted to be on the west coast anyway. So, we have our two sparkling spanking new players. Of course, it is notable that the first position player that Alderson picks will start the season serving out the end of a PEDs suspension. I heard a rumor that they signed another 26 year old catcher to a minor league contract - Dusty Ryan. He might get real dusty from all those slides home with our pitching.
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