Reed All About It!

What, was Great White otherwise occupied? They've got more jail time than this poseur.
One reviewer on Flo Rida: " I would eat a bowl of nails then to listen to flo rida."


Jeremy Reed became a true Met, for what that's worth, by getting a big hit against the evil and stinky Fish. That's the last good thing that happened last night to the Flushing .500s as the Fish enjoyed a "Flop Off win." The Mets executed a "Slump-Off Loss," stranding between 40-78 men on base (ok only 27), and getting situationness out of only Reed, Beltran, and Tatis, who I swear to god hit a grand slam homer last night, which Jeffrey Loria secretly shot down with laser beams purchased no doubt, with funds embezzled from the Dade County general fund. Meanwhile, Church, Murph are hitting and even Wright, who looks lost, and Delgado are not struggling. The bottom of the order are the same automatic outs we had planted there last year, so we can expect similar offensive results I suppose until something changes. I see nothing that makes me think O'Day should be on this team, he doesn't even have the stuff that Joe Smith had for crying out loud. Omar seems to want to have "the side-armer," "the geriatric," "the Hernandez brother", these types, on every club.


The Mets are obviously going to have a tough season against Cody Ross (left) and Dan Uggla and the Marlins.

The game left me with lots of questions. First, if Emilio Bonifacio can wreck havoc with his speed, why can't Jose Reyes? Oh right, he's a big star and big stars don't bunt. Second, why can't the Mets get up to play the Marlins? The Fish have ruined more than one season for the Mets and yet they play like its the end of days and the Mets just can't get it done. Not that I'm saying the Mets folded last night, but jeez I mean really. Don't they want to send a sign that they aren't going to take it anymore? Third, Jerry, is it really necessary to pitch to Hanly Ramirez, every time? Maybe you want to give your young/new guys in the pen some confidence, but the rest of us want to win some games. So how about leveraging some of that prime closer stuff when it fucking counts, since you have two of them. Roles, you say? Well Putz will most likely walk the first chance he gets, so I'd say why keep him too happy? Fourth, as Omar said, the team doesn't really need a Manny Ramirez type to drive in runners from their comfy place on the bases. No siree, we'll just go with the guys we got.

Without "the Hammer" or "Jake" (the Mets traitor) to verbally rim job all night, the Broadcast Booth with the Smallest Metaphorical Penises in the MLB, I think their names are Rich Waltz and Tommy Hutton, had a harder time annoying me. I bet the players hate them and the way they pretend they're overly familiar with the nicknames and all. During the broadcast, one of them pretended that Keith Hernandez made small talk with them. I'm sure Keith wouldn't have done that.

Tonight, you'll miss an hour of the game thanks to two of the shittiest institutions in America: Fux Network and the state of Florida. Well, it's not really Florida's fault, but if the state didn't exist, the rapper would have to call himself something else like Roo DyeLand, and perhaps he wouldn't have got the gig.


Members of the Marlins celebrate their victory over the Mets last night.

As for the Marlins, I think I'll let this young Flo Rida critic speak for me:

"NIZZZAWWWW that ***** is trash//he makes club music for the suburbs//his lyrics are fckin trash//he has fckin a VEGETA Hairline//he couldnt even prolli hang with chingy in a battle."

Yeah!