It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Metastrophe 2009 Begins! Ollies Follies, Carlos Bel-trots, Jerry Plays Fossum, Razor Dims, Murph Hits the Turf
On the plus side, this team does allow me to economize on images.

Because there are no words... Let's use pictures and go through some of the crimes against baseball committed by our boys last night. If you missed it, be happy. Otherwise, at least we got the season's worst game out of the way, right?

Crime 1. Beltran's BelTrot

I haven't utterd my catchphrase, "Holyfunkingwhoopdiewow!", in quite some time. But Carlos baby, the games played in St.Louis are still televised to the outside world. Wallace Matthews is probably on your front lawn right now, you think your wife appreciates that? How are we going to defend you from those who still hate you from the last terrible awful no good thing that happened in St Louis or those who say you play with indifference after watching you trot home when the situation called for some serious hitting of the dirt?
"I like to keep my clothes clean, and that includes my jersey."
"Hey pretty boy, try sliding!"

Crime 2: Razor Shits
After a few weeks, I am increasingly questioning Razor's loyalty.

What Razor did to Murphy in the 4th inning is inexcusable. He was out by a country mile. That run would've been important had you not hung it out to dry. He almost hurt himself too.

Crime 3: Jerry inserts ice cold Cassey Fossum
Jerry Plays Fossum!

I know your head hurts, so let me explain. This is a possum. Playing possum means playing dead, or pretending you are dead. Yanking sucky Perez in the 5th is one thing--I might have done it when he gave up a hit to the fucking pitcher. But sticking new call up Casey Fossum in so he can walk the game tied is "Playing Fossum." Ollie could have done that just as well. The result is Mets fans have the expression above, and Fossum's confidence is shot. Add the clusterfuck that is DFAing a fan favorite journeyman who could have handled walking the tying run in just as easy, to replace him with Fossum just 'cause you never signed a decent lefty for the pen this winter, and you have...METS FRONT OFFICE MAGIC!

Also, I'm not sure if Jerry knows about open bases and Albert Pujols.

Crime 4: Front office gives Oliver Perez new contract

I still can't fucking believe Omar went after this guy. Oh, he had choices. He made the wrong one. This is probably really crime 1, but its not that entertaining any more. $36 million for a guy who can't make it out of the 5th inning on his best days without giving it up.

Crime 5: Murphy is not so great at fielding
These are just some of the moves Daniel Murphy has tried in the Citi outfield so far.

Actually, even though it pretty much lost the game for the Mets, this doesn't rate as a heinous crime. Everybody falls down sometimes. What is worse is that Murphy still doesn't know where to throw the ball when he does catch it, and has a poor arm apparently. This game isn't going in his scrapbook by any means. Murphy was picked off first by Molina in the first inning with David Wright at the plate, and he was also thrown out at home in the fourth inning. If the Mets had any leadership, I would guess that most of Murphy's salary is going to pay clubhouse fines at this point.

Other minor issues:

*First base ump sucks big ones, mistakenly calling some Cardinal or other safe when Delgado's foot was clearly on the bag. Also I think Murphy's hand touched the bag before he got tagged in the face when the smirking fuck Yadier Molina "picked him off" first.
*Putz gave it up after Murphy's error, a bit discouraging.
*Mets squandering what little good play Luis Castillo will provide them this season.

This team is not good because of its tendency towards cascading, systemic failures. The offense scores 4 runs off of Todd Fucking Wellemeyer, and coaches, management, defense, and offense all collaborate to tear defeat from the jaws of victory. It'd be tragic if we didn't see it all the time from these guys, but now its barely watchable.

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  • At 3:10 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I had the good fortune to doze off in the top of the first and wake up during the recap. Is it true that Shines sent Murph home with no outs and Delgado due up? He is bucking for membership in the Luis Aguayo Fan Club if he did. Ollie seems nore than capable of blowing large leads on a regular basis. I agree--this was a hideous signing. We were rid of this guy. Now, like Chucky, hejust keeps returning. With hideous effect. The tam is flawed. I wont even bash the offense tonight, which I think is our fatal flaw. On some nights, we have the worst defense in baseball. Sheffield and Murph. Castillo (zero range), Wright (zero arm) and Delgado (zero everything). Oh, and Scheneider and Castro are both average at best. (Sigh)

  • At 7:54 AM, Anonymous Cver Field said…

    Maybe there truly is such a thing as divine intervention since I, too, dozed off an hour before gametime, woke up and dutifully put on, what I thought would be the end of the game. It turns out, from a little detective work, that I had nearly, down to the minute, missed the final out of this outrage. From all the descriptions, I am tempted, like an accident you can't like away from, to search for the lowlights on my MLB.TV. Maybe I won't. And sorry for missing a lot of good stuff on here. You were so prolific that I got very behind - it became a bit overwhelming - but I do plan on catching up and trying to stay with the program - GREAT JOB, as always. I even missed making comments on your comments for the grand opening of our new Citimart - maybe that was a good thing. I would be pleased to hear if any of you who are regulars on here have been to Citi Litter yet and what you all think.

  • At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ha ha....Yadier is your god, bow down to him....

    Cannot weight for the cards to beat you in your new dodger stadium..

  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    haha...I cannot spell!

    yadier is still god!

  • At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Keyser said…

    The Mets always find new and interesting ways to lose. Just when I think they can't frustrate me more, they find a way to do it.

    I waws also not happy with Jerry's comments about Delgado not being able to score on Beltran's double. 2 outs, and the OF tried to cut it off and ended up having to chase it to the wall. Delgado has to score on that. Even Brian Schneider could have scored on that.

    Hey Mr. Forme, do you want in on the pre-game tailgate BBQ? And when will you make your first appearance at the Beanery?

  • At 10:16 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Delgado's suspenders must have come loose. I picture this guy, sitting in aporch swing at first base, chewing on a piece of straw, staring off into defensive space, dreaming on his next at-bat. He is not only a low effort fielder, be is a no-effort baserunner. Beltran does not like to slide on dirt. That is why his steals are down. And he never bowled over a catcher in his life, because it is just not Christian. I am glad I missed it. I am glad I missed Jerry's explanation. His other explanations this year have sounded weird. I think he is speaking in tongues. As in "you guys should not really believe this shit. Omar has stuck me with a pack of losers here and I am trying to hang on to a paycheck for a few years. It is just that it is becoming near impossible to satisfactorily explain the lackadaisical way these yodels play the game of baseball. And while I would really like to tell you is that I would like to strangle some of these jerks and that my third base coach will be forced to memorize the lineup before each game and recite it in front of the team, I have to just say that it is a long season for these guys and that old Razor went with his gut on that one there. I hope you understand."

  • At 10:29 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    hi everyone, thanks for the comments. Also, it looks like I've attracted the only impolite cardinals fan in the entire world.

    These comments on Delgado opened up a world of memories, besides when he should have scored he also made a strange play where he halfheartedly went after a ball to his right that Castillo fielded but since Carlos was taking his evening constitutional, there was no one covering the bag! It was just another example of the Mets outrageously bad defense overshadowing the Mets subtly bad defense.

    Anyhow i think it can be said that Razor cost the Mets two runs last night, unless Delgado just decided to take a breather at 3rd on his own. Either way. I'll probably never sort out the blame between Razor and Delgado.

    Hey Cver welcome back. "Citimart!" I like it.

  • At 11:35 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Oh. I though Anonymous was his screen name. I always find his comments kind of amusing?

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    You know what the funny thing is? The Mets have like 5 starters with on base percentages over .400 yet game after game, they struggle to score.

    No wait, that's not the funny thing. The funny thing is watching the look on a Mets pitcher face every time the ball is hit to left field.

    No wait, that's not the funny thing. The funny thing is Putz, Green and Parnell having pitched almost as many innings this season already as Pelfrey and Maine. An exhausted bullpen by the All Star break is going to be a laugh riot.

    No wait, that's not the funny thing. The funny thing is Ollie's 7.80 ERA, getting paid like half a million for every batter he gets out.

    On the bright side, I think I've found something to get behind this season: "That's How It Goes"

  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    Probably you did not intend this, but the portrait of shirtless Carlos Beltran went a long way towards helping me forgive him his baserunning blunder.

    My mother can't figure out how to use the internet, so I will pass on this comment from her, "How hard can it be to catch a ball? Get him (Murphy)out of there and put in a seasoned veteran - a black man".

    I apologize for my mother's reverse racism, she really loved Endy and hasn't resigned herself to his being traded yet

  • At 7:20 PM, Blogger KristenH said…

    I really wish you had a live chat going on during the games. I love your blog especially since the last two years and what has occurred to date this season has turned me into one of the many many negative Mets fans. I've been a fan for about 20 years now and just am getting real real real fed up with this team and organization. Anyway, I think you forgot a few crimes. I hate to beat a dead horse but the Mets really really really missed the boat with Manny and posssibly Nick Swisher as well. Also, I think they should have gotten rid of Delgado. Even though I like it when he hits a home run I do not think he is a good character guy and might be preventing Wright from becoming more of a leader. I just get this feeling that it is going to be a long season for the Mets this year and seriously hope that this time after the most likely failure they go into a bit of a retooling mode instead of ignoring all the flaws they have once again. I am getting sick of Omar addressing only one problem every off season and ignoring the rest of them although I admit that I really thought all they needed was Santana for 2008. Ugh. I want to see some actual changes for once even if that means one of the core guys gets traded. Anyway I look forward to reading your blog as the season goes on. It is really entertaining and should help me get through what might be a very painful long season.

  • At 12:27 AM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    Hi KristenH, i'm so glad to get your comment. When I do live chat during the games, I suspect people want me to go away, so...

    We're a little negative here, but in a fun sassy way! Not the like on other sites where delusional homers do battle with pointlessly negative 11 year olds. My negativity has a point, my favorite team makes sure of that.

    Anyhow, I was just thinking about your point about Delgado tonight. As I have said, the Mets 2009 Tombstone will read "The Answer was Manny." I did not watch todays game in protest of last nights. Instead, I played solitaire fantasy baseball by rerunning the offseason in my head! I spent the game lost in a dream where the Mets sign Manny for two years (easily outmaneuvering the Dodgers who now almost have a better team than the Mets), say thanks but no thanks to O. Perez, make the hard but correct decision(as we will see soon) to let Delgado and his “affordable extension” walk and use the money elsewhere, make Luis castillo player-coach for the Cyclones and sign Hudson for the pennies he got,trade for Putz but pass on Frank the Closer and spread the money saved around the lower profile free agent relief market, come up with 3 mil more to land Lowe and put Murphy at first or some shit. These options were all totally possible at one point but declined by Omar who prefered to get the obvious big free agent closer and neglect the rest of the team. What a great team that would have been.

    Katherine, your mom really needs a blog.

    Jaap, re:that's how it goes It looks like someone (besides us), namely this Bill guy, is muscling into Wally Matthews market share. I can imagine some bourbon fueled confrontations between those two at some dive bar.

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.