Melissa Alano Can't Stop the Mets

Mets manager Jerry Manuel, looking something like the above, must have been happy with his bullpen's performance yesterday.

Since I was out-Fauxed by MLB and the Saturday arrangement they have to deny their paying customers the right to watch their product, I couldn't see the game and have no idea what happened. So, in lieu of actual representations of todays game, unfortunately I have to go with these artists' interpretations of what the game looked like.

I can get some clues about what the game must have been like from media accounts and interviews. For instance, Mets closer on Johan Santana's performance yesterday:

"He put on a show out there," Rodriguez said. "He's great, no question about it. He's one of the best."

Wow, a show! Who would have expected that? I love shows. Too bad we couldn't see that show.














On to what I heard happened in the game. Jose Reyes, shown above--that's what he must look like--fielder's choiced home SUPERSTAR Alex Cora from third in the 7th inning for the game's only run.

Even more exciting, I heard through the grapevine that a very special actress was featured at the game: Alyssa Milano! She was apparently confused as to who plays at Citi, since she opened up a boutique in the Mets home park when she meant to do it at the Dodger Stadium Arena Field!













Reportedly, Alyssa Milano loves baseball. She looks something like this.

It looks like Jerry Manuel isn't being fitted for some Touch athletic wear anytime soon. He doesn't even know who Alyssa Milano is, so he obviously hasn't watched TV in 15 years. So he probably also doesn't know that, no longer content with tiny dogs that fit in their purses or getting herpes from Derek Jeter,* America's actresses are weighing in on baseball all over the place, including the Mets' own Julia Stiles. Someones' agents have spread the word about gathering some new fans on the cheap, huh? Stiles' life experience merits some column space in the Wall St Journal. Meanwhile, actual sportswriters (and there used to be some good ones) are out of work all over the place.

There were some sad moments in the game. Like the Mets "No Runs For You" attitude towards Santana, who really deserves some. And then the running, oh the humanity! Carlos Beltran is so either irrationally hated (for his big contract and high-profile habit of looking at called strike 3s) or irrationally loved (for his top-notch defense and reliable offensive numbers) that calling him out is a highly political move. Well, I carry the card of neither club, and his baserunning blunder today could have cost the Mets the game. Here's one account:

Don't they teach you that in Little League?

In the bottom of the sixth inning, the Mets looked like they were finally going to break through against Brewers starter Yovani Gallardo. Carlos Beltran had singled and the next batter, Gary Sheffield, was hit by the pitch.

But there was one out and when Ryan Church hit a hard ball to the left field corner and that's where Beltran cost the Mets a run. It was a well-hit ball, however Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun is no bum with the glove and Beltran clearly thought he wasn't going to be able to make the catch. So he rounded third -- only to see Braun catch the ball.

Was this really the right situation for Beltran to "cheat" a little bit? I guess it's hard to keep your head in the game when you're a NY Met. So much to do in Citi field.

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The Mets' lack of attention to (their) history has some columnists wanting to give CitiField a pearl necklace!


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Tomorrow, fans wil thrill as Nelson Figueroa tries his new underhand ball out on the Brew Crew (stock footage).

Well, it's April and the Mets are already getting Figgy with it! Yah. Let the parade of farmhand bulls through the $140 million china shop begin!!



*Jeter isn't the only current beloved Yankee who hates New York and America.