It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Brewers Biggest Losers: Mets Find Bullpen Worse Than Theirs

The Brewers intimidating defensive line is one secret to their success.

It's a good thing this series with the Brewers will not be decided by a slow pitch softball game, because the Mets would not stand a chance against Milwaukee's Plus-Size Prince and His Corpulent Court.

Let me spell it out. The Brewers is America. They is fat. So fat they play for the home run, hit by pitch, and ground rule double to avoid "running plays" as they call them. So fat that the full Brewers uniform includes a lobster bib. The clubhouse attendants fill the Gatorade coolers with Miller Genuine Draft. Ohh!! But all and all, it's a fine team to root for, especially now that the pure evil of Bud Selig has been exorcised (not exercised mind you) from this club's fleshy body.

They are large and they are in charge; the Brewers have a fine club, perhaps even a playoff bound one. But they do have a weakness or two, and I'm not talking about post-game cherry cobbler and whip cream parties, folks. I'm talking about their stink pen, that's back end was exposed to all when cream puff Ben Sheets (The Bed) begged out with a groin issue after confounding the Mets through 5. The Brewers pen and the Mets were separated at birth: Riske was awful and out of the game before fans could finish making puns on his name. I may have to meet the devil down at the crossroads, but it was worth it as the Mets got a late inning audience with the substance loving pair Eric Gagne and G. Mota!

Johan Santana had a tough luck start giving up two runs in less than expensive fashion. But it worked out for the Mets, since when the Brewers heard about the balk, they were immediately consumed by the distracting urge to look for tasty chicken and got only one hit in the last three innings.

It wasn't all ice cream sundaes, as Carlos Beltran was injured when umpire Ed Rapuano inexplicably blocked the plate. Is that really his assignment on the throw home? While Brian Scheider can certainly learn from Rapuano's footwork, it is a real head scratcher that a homeplate ump would need to position himself in the way of the players. A Beltran at anything less than 84% is not something I want to see.

If both these teams meet in the playoffs, it will be fascinating to see the matchup. The teams are have some similarities. Top notch head of the rotation, latent catastrophic offensive ability, and a riproaringly bad bullpen.

The Mets pen, for what its worth, has a new strategy to go with its new personnel. It's the "keep taking bullets til the other guy runs out of ammo" strategy and so far, so good.

The Gnats have picked a perfect time to go on a 7 game tear, and their ability to defeat the Phillies is much appreciated. This will probably end up being the only positive the Mets reap from the Milledge trade.

That was a rhetorical question Dept.

Well the MLB has unveiled their Postseason 2008 advertising campaign, answering the question of whether it was possible to have a more irritating theme than the insufferable pep talks of Dane Cook. Yes folks, this year its bloggers. What, was Carrot Top too busy??



  • At 6:27 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    Your post is SO mean, but very funny. And actually, I doubt Prince and CC are going home after the game and worrying or feeling insecure about how they look in the mirror. There was a hilarious article in the Onion last month about how the team was having to keep them separate because they were imagining each other as a giant hot dog and hamburger.

    And the Carlos/Umpire collision is shocking! How could that happen? We should receive some sort of compensation for that. When it happened, I was freaking out, but amazingly, the Brewers' announcers did not even MENTION it. They were blithely talking about the hit, showed a replay, and no mention of Carlos and the Umpire sprawled on the ground.

  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    This post was a little meaner than I wanted to be since I don't like to traffic in prejudice unless it is directed at small children or Southerners. But in not-so-distant future America, fat jokes will be replaced by thin jokes, since the norm will be large and the stigmatized will be scrawny. So I wanted to get a few in before that time. Figures the Onion beat me to it.

    The Beltran Ump thing happened very quickly; in my opinion even Gary at SNY passed over it too blithely, particularly since we all know how serious it is when Beltran isn't at full power. This team needs its bearded Tranny, especially since David Wright has started looking lost at the plate.

  • At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Keyser said…

    To be fair, the ump wasnt in front of the plate. He was behind it, but Beltran did one of those "Slide in foul territory and hit the plate with your hand" slides and slid into him. He still shouldn't have been standing there, but if Beltran makes a normal slide, there is no collision.


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