It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Tonight: Tossin' Tots To be Tested

Two games into the season, and I am running out of Cardinals material! I guess I just took it too fast, and let out a whole off-season of pent up snarkiness in just a few posts. Note to self: Pace yourself. Luckily, alliteration, the web comedian's best buddy, comes to the rescue, sort of.

Looking around the blogosphere, I see that the Cards have indeed inspired a rennaisance of creativity, especially Scott Spezio, who Faith and Fear call "that fucker with the landing strip on his chin" and My Summer Family call "ShitLip." Forget who this dingleberry* is?

Remember now?

How Orlando Left His Cane in the Dugout and Smothered the House of Cards

That's what last night's game would be called if it were a chick flick aimed at African-American women. Anyhow, the Mets cruised behind Old Duque who luckily, and unlike S. Green, still has some pop in his bat. Fans watching on mlbtv had to endure the dulcet tones and fake modesty of homer Joe Buck, who actually collected a (Fox Sports: fair and balanced) mothertrucking* World Series Ring (!), but those who persevered were rewarded by the knowledge that Jose Reyes on base=Jose Reyes scores run. That equation should be enough to let you sleep peacefully. I myself went away happy: Eckstein gets hit by a pitch, Orlando does not turn into pumpkin, Poopeyface scores great parking spot and retires Pooholes, Countrytime Lemon finally counts 123, Mets are undefeated. Doesn't get any better than that.

Tonight begins the period where the tossin' tots will be tested. Maine, Ollie P, and coming soon Pelfrey. (Note to Pelf: Dominate). I see a sweep here and then a nice, season-tone-establishing battle with Atlanta. Anyhow the Loopy train starts here.

Willie: "These are not the Roids you're looking for."

RE Willies post-game comments on SNY: " El Duque doesn't panic with men on base. He almost does it on purpose to lull you into a false sense of security. "

Yes, opponents, the Mets are so good, they make mistakes on purpose! That's it Willie, play those mindgames like a mother trucker.* Lesser managers like Tony LaRussa just need to shut the front door.*


Still doing your shopping for Mets gear? Check out the bargain bin at this fine online purveyor of Mets-themed flip flops and athletic socks. Nothing says "I love the Mets" like a bright Orange Roberto Alomar t-shirt, or you can honor Senator Traitor with the Leiter version. Mo Vaughn t-shirts do come in XX-Large, in case yer asking and, if you only go out at night, or in March, $125 will get you the hideous Green Cooperstown Replica Throwback Jersey which is a throwback to bad taste and might just make you throw-up. No indication whether Alomar bobblehead spits on umps and pisses on own career.



Projected Mets Record: 162-0

*language moderated in honor of wonderbread Midwesterners who might be reading.


  • At 1:18 PM, Anonymous andrew said…

    Allow me to pick up the slack in my first visit here since forever ago.

    Fuck the fucking Cardinals. There's almost nothing as satisfying as watching the Mets beat the Cardinals into the ground like the little undeserving 83-win pieces of shit they are. The only thing I like watching more is the Phillies losing, and that's only because every time the Phillies lose, Philadelphia fans totally lose all their shit and freak out and start fights with me and I slam their faces into telephone poles.

    But I digress.

    The Cardinals are a bunch of faux-feel-good-story pussies with two good players and a bunch of shitty players who, by some arbitrary act of chance because god hates me, all got hot at the same time and won the World Series in a year when they didn't even deserve to make the playoffs. Fuck them. Fuck them in their self-righteous asses.

  • At 11:31 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    welcome back Andy.
    i got yer back.


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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.