It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, March 29, 2007

In-Game Blogging Attempt: Mets at Dodgers

In one of these pictures, John Kerry poses with the executives of MLB and Big Cable, in the other, he poses with the lovable clown princes of Basketball. *

Ok, we're live.

Wow, there's got to be a way to dispell the feeling of dread the last few days--my happiness truly depends on the Mets getting off to a fast start this season, but there are ominous signs...

The Br*ves wacked them around yesterday, some commenters are saying Poopeyface Heilman and his tender wing are KEY to the Mets success, the Armando-burgler is looking like he might just make the team , an anonymous veteran-who-everyone-knows-is-Countytime Lemon is getting bad vibes about the season (for $10mil + a season, you make good vibes, Billy-goat!). Plus I called my cable company to make contingency plans in case there turns out to be Extra innings and they said they lost the service. I corrected them of course, and convinced the girl and her supervisor that negotiations were on-going, but I still feel a bit uneasy.

How to beat my Metropolitan malaise...I know! I got it. I'll IN-GAME BLOG, like the Sportsguy!! It was so fun the other day, helped me really get to know the baseball mind of Dusty Baker.

Perfect, they're playing the Dodgies, and I am Los Angeles based! It's so terrific the progress in televised sports since I was a kid. So much choice. And Bud Selig says there's plenty of baseball on TV for everyone, so I can't go wrong!!

Great hmmm let's see nothing on my TV's 500+ channels but the Golden Girls and the Keebler Midget Beach Volleyball Championships. Ok it must be here somewhere, lets scroll through a few times.

[scrolls through channels three times, watches episode of "Bass Fishing Babes," makes mental note to start Fishing Females blog in morning.]

Well ok, maybe today's game isn't being televised, so I'll have to enjoy it through that excellent MLB product, Gameday! I know it's excellent, because of the MLB's commitments to fan access and product quality. I believe the gents at MLB must have testified to this effect in their Congressional testimony in front of the Senate Committe on Commerce, Science, and Transportation the other day.

[We join our enthusiastic in-game blogger after a really, really long time...]

Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:0Pitcher Change: Wesley Wright replaces Joe Mays, batting 7th.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:0Defensive Substitution: Ken Huckaby replaces pitcher Joe Mays, batting 9th, playing catcher.

[MLB Gameday: Unexplained delay.]

What is it with this Ken Huckaby fella, are they rolling him in with sticks? Picking him up from the airport? Is it his record 500th appearance and the game is delayed on account of the ceremony and fireworks? Is pitcher Joe Mays refusing to leave the game? Is security chasing him around the field? Did he take a mascot as a hostage?

[Gameday stalls for another 45 minutes then suddenly..]

Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:0David Newhan doubles (1) on a fly ball to center fielder Choo Freeman.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:0Endy Chavez singles on a bunt ground ball to pitcher Wesley Wright. David Newhan to 3rd.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:0Damion Easley singles on a line drive to left fielder Marlon Anderson. David Newhan scores. Endy Chavez to 2nd.
Top 5TH B:0 S:1 O:0With Jose Valentin batting, Endy Chavez steals (2) 3rd base. Damion Easley steals (1) 2nd base.
Top 5TH B:0 S:1 O:1Jose Valentin pops out to second baseman Luis Maza.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:2Julio Franco out on a sacrifice fly to center fielder Choo Freeman. Endy Chavez scores. Damion Easley to 3rd.
Top 5TH B:4 S:0 O:2Fernando Tatis walks.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:2Pitcher Change: Casey Hoorelbeke replaces Wesley Wright, batting 7th.

Top 5TH B:0 S:1 O:2With Ben Johnson batting, Fernando Tatis steals (1) 2nd base.
Top 5TH B:4 S:1 O:2Ben Johnson walks.
Top 5TH B:0 S:0 O:2Ramon Castro hits a grand slam (1) to left field. Damion Easley scores. Fernando Tatis scores. Ben Johnson scores.

WOW. It happened so fast, I can't make any snarky comments! What would Sportsguy do?

Top of the Sixth: David Newhand up [screen frozen]

20 minutes later. This seems like an odd time to re-sod the field, but well, I guess anything can happen. I wonder if they caught that Joe Mays guy yet?)

Top 6TH B:0 S:0 O:0 David Newhan homers (2) on a fly ball to right field.

Wooo wee this Hoorelbeke guy sucks. Just put it on a tee baby. Lets see what Damion Easley's got in store for you...

Ok, not much. Ground out.

SNAP! Oh no you didn't--Stash and his .340 average hit by a pitch! The little red dot looks ok. Or wait, is that the ball?

Top 6TH B:0 S:0 O:2Fernando Tatis homers (1) on a fly ball to left field. Jose Valentin scores. Mike Carp scores.

Da plane! Da plane! Boss da plane! Tatis 2 for 3, 3 rbis--David Wright better stop posing and put the wood to mother, or Tatis is gonna Wally Pipp him.

Ok its like 12-2 Mets and HEAD's (tm) giant dome flashed on the screen, even though the Dodgies are up. Why Ramon's face there? It must be a sign. Head is going to have a big season, I can tell. No wait the sixth is over, there are three outs already. No wait, Maine is pitching to Mc Dougall. It's still the fifth. Wait, no the Mets are playing the Harlem Globetrotters and Curley is messing with Carlos Delgado! Stop that Curley, he's...sensitive!

Top 7th no outs. Luis Gonzalez, newly acquired free agent signing, past rumored steroid abuser is pitching for the Dodgers. That can't be right. MLB Gameday is completely haywire. No wonder MLB hides its URL. I give up.


*picture stolen from here.

Item: AP, MLB press releases to be written by staff of the Onion.

actual article title:

"Only 8.4 percent of major leaguers were black last season (AP)

Only 8.4 percent of major league players last season were black, the lowest level in at least two decades. As recently as 1995, 19 percent of big leaguers were black, according to Richard Lapchick, director of the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sports. Nine percent were black in both 2004 and 2005, and the current figure is the lowest since at least the…"

The article fails to mention that this season, many players intend to be black this season, and some players are black from the waist down.

In other news, it looks like the actual Onion got Glavine and Peterson mixed up. Huh, fairweather fans.



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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.