It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Thursday, March 22, 2007

i, z, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, v, z, t, u, v..........x,y,z

hey tony you just won the world series, tell us what are you going to do...

That's why he wears the sunglasses...
Those are the letters Baseball genius Tony LaRussa claimed came after "n" when he was stopped at a traffic light sleeping soundly with his foot on the break, according to the Smoking Gun website. I mean, I guess it's cruel to mock him for his misfortune, but then again, I don't like him. And then again, drunk driving is something you do when you're acting like an asshole. Mr. Met's curse lives on (see John Thompson, Alex Rodrigez, Mike Hampton, Barry Larkin, etc.)

Armando Wagner
Nothing like a Countrytime Meltdown (not to be confused with a Hoedown) against the Br*ves to rattle a Metsfan's cage, eh? 5 earned runs on 4 hits and a donger to Tony Pena, who I didn't even know was still alive. Oh well, at least Billy can stop Corky Miller when he has to. Add "Countytime Lemon" to the list of approved nicknames (see below).

Can Congress please supoena Bud Selig
If it wasn't for the Bush Administration, the Seilig regime would take the cake for the most scandelous bullshiter award. One side says they want to meet the other's terms, then say they did, while the other keeps the terms hidden and says they didn't. The lies continue to spring forth from MLB, but I haven't the stomach to discuss it. If you're interested visit the New York Times and read Richard Sandomir's take. Or Deadspins take, which shit, uses some of the same lame jokes as I just did.

Authorized Nicknames list released: Wagner added
The Office of the (Deposed) Commisioner of Baseball (Pete Rose) Bureau of Standards and Measurements (ODCBBSM) has authorized me to release this list of approved nicknames for the New York Mets baseball club. In the interests of promoting the smooth reading between the lines of all 2007 baseball related stories, the list is hereby promulgated.

Duaner Sanchez "Dirty" or "HonortheDuaner" both acceptable
Tom Glavine "Toothless," "Tomahawk," "Agent Glavine," or just "Traitor"
Billy Wagner "Countrytime Lemon"
Paul LoDuca "Captain Red Ass" ("Major" or "Lieutenant" are acceptable revisions as performance dictates), "Spike"
Aaron Heilman "Poopeyface"
Ramon Castro "HEAD"
Julio Franco "Francostein"
Mike Pelfrey Mike "Bats-in-my" Pelfrey
Carlos Beltran "Buntran," "BatterbatterSWING"
Moises Alou "Grandpa Moises, ("Moises "You say goodbye, I say" Alou acceptable)
Orlando Hernandez (no nickname given for fear of injury)
Jose Valentin "Stash" (Stache acceptable, but not preferred: awkward)
David Newhan "David (Old hand same as the) Newhan
Shawn Green Shawn "It aint easy being" Green
Guilermo Mota "HelloMota," "Armando Benitez"
Jorge Sosa Jorge "Say it ain't" Sosa
Damion Easley "Easley does it"
Scott Schoenewies"Go on with the Show," ("The Show" acceptable)
Lastings Milledge "Pillage the Village," ("Firstings" also acceptable)
Chan Ho Park (too many to list, see additional volume)
Reuben Gotay "Gotay Buckwheat"
Phil Humber "Humber Pie"
Mike Carp Mike "Do the drapes match the" Carp

(contact your ODCBBSM representative with questions, petitions)

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.