It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, March 16, 2007

IMFM's 2007 MLB Predictions

We here at IMFM do not belabor the obvious, we belabor the ridiculous. So, no long, drawn out multi-post previews of the 2007 season for us. We'll leave that to the experts. Just straight shootin'. We're just gonna tell you what happens and let you sort out the details. Without further ado...

2007 Final Standings (Editor's Note: I could tell you the final won loss records but that would just blow your minds)

NL East
1. New York Mets
2. Florida Marlins
3. Philadelphia
4. Washington
X. Atlanta (contracted, lack of fan interest)

NL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Cincinnati Reds
4. Houston
5. Pittsburg
6. St. Louis
X. Milwaukee (contracted after Selig Asteroid Incident at All-Star game, see below)

The Cubs challenge with a healthy Mark Prior, but can't overcome errors in CF. Lou Pinnella remains firey, but wishes he had been able to go to the Mets when he had a chance.

NL West
1. New York Mets
2. Los Angeles Dodgers
3. San Diego
4. Colorado
5. Arizona
6. N/A
7. Barry Zito and the San Francisco Giants

New York Mets cruise to division lead in April and never look back, because as everyone knows, the NL West sucks.

AL East
1. New York Mets
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Baltimore Orioles
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
5. Toronto Blue Jays
X. Yankees (forfeit season under newpost-Selig "more than 6 steroid cheaters on team at one time on team with $200 million payroll" rule)

Surprising New York Mets take AL East from traditional East Coast behemoths with large payrolls. Green Monster painted Orange and Blue in tribute.

AL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Chicago
3. Cleveland
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Minnesota
X. Kansas City (does not finish)

White Sox mount late run at the division but have to settle for the wild card when the Mets pull away in September.

AL West
1. New York Mets
2. Southwestern U.S. Angels of Asinine
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle
5. Texas

Moneyball, Ichiro, Sammy Sosa, and absurd name changes are not enough to stop the Mets from running away with this division.

World Series winner: New York Mets
NL Rookie of Year: Mike Pelfrey, NY Mets
NL Cy Young: Mike Pelfrey, NY Mets
NL co-MVP: Jose Reyes, David Wright, NY Mets
AL ROY: not held
AL Cy Young: not held
AL MVP: not held


July 2007: Commisioner and widely reviled Traitor to the Game, Bud Selig is tragic victim of surprise asteroid shower that hits earth during 2007 All-Star game. DirecTV satellite feed, incidentally is cut off forever when asteroid collides with DirecTV satellite and hurtles towards earth in a blazing ball of fire bizarrely claiming only two victims, Selig and disgraced ESPN commentator Steven Phillips who is in San Francisco on non-baseball related business.

August 2007: Yankees manager Joe Torre is discovered deceased, propt up in the dugout after strong odor alerts in-house bomb sniffing dogs. Torre's passing is not discovered until five days into a homestand. "We thought he was just napping" said the Yankees' star third baseman Robinson Cano. Fans throw batteries to express their grief.

September 2007: Less than two years after being ridiculed for his intention to manage in the major leagues after reinstatement, Pete Rose is appointed Commissioner of baseball. The new commisioner, affectionately known as Charlie Hustle to friends and bookies, immediately starts cleaning up the game, including a stricter steroids policy for high payroll clubs, anti-Joe Buck rule, and the elimination of the Designated Hiter, and the discontinuation of the All-Star Winner gets home field advantage policy. Contracts Milwaukee and Atlanta franchises citing lack of interest. Repeals MLB Blackout Policy. Legalizes clubhouse roulette wheels.

November 2007: New Commisioner of Baseball Pete Rose admits he bets "every night" on the New York Mets. In tearful press conference, New Yankee manager Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd also admits he bets on the New York Mets.

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  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger Coop said…


  • At 12:36 PM, Anonymous hasan said…

    lol dude you are THE MAN :) i have always wanted to write a post like this. but i dont have a blog :O

  • At 1:43 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    thanks Hasan.

    You know what, darnit? I want to make your dreams come true. You don't need a silly blog to self-actualize. Write me a post about anything you like, along with a brief biographical note, and I will post it, provided it violates no federal laws.

    Lets make this dream come true!

  • At 7:54 AM, Blogger W2E said…

    Here’s a nice article I found online relevant to the discussion on your blog:

    Are you dreaming about a career in baseball? Dreaming is the first step, just so you know, together with ambition and determination. But if your dreams and goals are serious and if you are convinced that you belong among the top USA Baseball players, then here are some tips that can help you achieve what you desire! Or maybe you are the parent of a child who presents a great interest in USA Baseball, both in watching it and practicing it. So make sure you don't waste your child's potential!

    The first thing you need if you want to become a baseball player is the right equipment, what else? Sure, this means spending money, but all hobbies and talents come with a price. After all, this is not such a financially-demanding hobby.

    So, what do you need? First of all, you need to go to a large specialized store, such as Athletics Galore, Akadema (where you can find a wide range of items for juniors) or Just Bats. We all know that the baseball glove is the most important and valuable equipment item in this sport, but is it the only necessary one? No. Your shopping list should include: baseball bats, baseball gloves, softball bats, batting gloves, baseball cleats, chest protectors and batting helmets.

    If you are an amateur, you can spare the batting gloves, for example, but if you want to be a professional, all these pieces will be actual must-haves. When selecting the needed equipment, make sure that you choose the best of the best, in case you are really aspiring to be a professional baseball player.

    The equipment has to feel right, to fit you and this is why you need to be advised by a specialist when you shop and try the equipment on before you purchase it. The cheap equipments are not the best choices, so make sure you choose reputable brands that can offer you the performance and protection you need when playing the game.

    If you are asking yourself whether there are certain academic requirements in order to become a USA Baseball player, the answer is simple: no. However, this does not mean that we all have equal chances of becoming baseball players. First of all, you need the right muscle tone, the fit and strong body type, lots of talent and you need to join a sportive club, a local team - some great sportsmen started from the smallest baseball teams and managed to become true professionals.

    But there is one more thing that you need in order to become a professional baseball player and that is... luck. Besides the goals, ambition, equipment, hard work and training, you need that luck ingredient in order to obtain that successful USA Baseball player recipe.

    You can also find more resources on the following MLB teams on our website: Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Detroit Tigers, Kansas City Royals, Minnesota Twins, Los Angeles Angels, Oakland Athletics, Seattle Mariners.



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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.