IMFM's 2007 MLB Predictions

We here at IMFM do not belabor the obvious, we belabor the ridiculous. So, no long, drawn out multi-post previews of the 2007 season for us. We'll leave that to the experts. Just straight shootin'. We're just gonna tell you what happens and let you sort out the details. Without further ado...


2007 Final Standings (Editor's Note: I could tell you the final won loss records but that would just blow your minds)

NL East
1. New York Mets
2. Florida Marlins
3. Philadelphia
4. Washington
X. Atlanta (contracted, lack of fan interest)

NL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Cincinnati Reds
4. Houston
5. Pittsburg
6. St. Louis
X. Milwaukee (contracted after Selig Asteroid Incident at All-Star game, see below)

The Cubs challenge with a healthy Mark Prior, but can't overcome errors in CF. Lou Pinnella remains firey, but wishes he had been able to go to the Mets when he had a chance.

NL West
1. New York Mets
2. Los Angeles Dodgers
3. San Diego
4. Colorado
5. Arizona
6. N/A
7. Barry Zito and the San Francisco Giants

New York Mets cruise to division lead in April and never look back, because as everyone knows, the NL West sucks.

AL East
1. New York Mets
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Baltimore Orioles
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
5. Toronto Blue Jays
X. Yankees (forfeit season under newpost-Selig "more than 6 steroid cheaters on team at one time on team with $200 million payroll" rule)

Surprising New York Mets take AL East from traditional East Coast behemoths with large payrolls. Green Monster painted Orange and Blue in tribute.

AL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Chicago
3. Cleveland
4. Detroit Tigers
5. Minnesota
X. Kansas City (does not finish)

White Sox mount late run at the division but have to settle for the wild card when the Mets pull away in September.

AL West
1. New York Mets
2. Southwestern U.S. Angels of Asinine
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle
5. Texas

Moneyball, Ichiro, Sammy Sosa, and absurd name changes are not enough to stop the Mets from running away with this division.

World Series winner: New York Mets
NL Rookie of Year: Mike Pelfrey, NY Mets
NL Cy Young: Mike Pelfrey, NY Mets
NL co-MVP: Jose Reyes, David Wright, NY Mets
AL ROY: not held
AL Cy Young: not held
AL MVP: not held

Miscellaneous:


July 2007: Commisioner and widely reviled Traitor to the Game, Bud Selig is tragic victim of surprise asteroid shower that hits earth during 2007 All-Star game. DirecTV satellite feed, incidentally is cut off forever when asteroid collides with DirecTV satellite and hurtles towards earth in a blazing ball of fire bizarrely claiming only two victims, Selig and disgraced ESPN commentator Steven Phillips who is in San Francisco on non-baseball related business.


August 2007: Yankees manager Joe Torre is discovered deceased, propt up in the dugout after strong odor alerts in-house bomb sniffing dogs. Torre's passing is not discovered until five days into a homestand. "We thought he was just napping" said the Yankees' star third baseman Robinson Cano. Fans throw batteries to express their grief.

September 2007: Less than two years after being ridiculed for his intention to manage in the major leagues after reinstatement, Pete Rose is appointed Commissioner of baseball. The new commisioner, affectionately known as Charlie Hustle to friends and bookies, immediately starts cleaning up the game, including a stricter steroids policy for high payroll clubs, anti-Joe Buck rule, and the elimination of the Designated Hiter, and the discontinuation of the All-Star Winner gets home field advantage policy. Contracts Milwaukee and Atlanta franchises citing lack of interest. Repeals MLB Blackout Policy. Legalizes clubhouse roulette wheels.

November 2007: New Commisioner of Baseball Pete Rose admits he bets "every night" on the New York Mets. In tearful press conference, New Yankee manager Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd also admits he bets on the New York Mets.