Welcome Rockies Fans!

The Kid, shown here frolicking with Actor Dean Cain, needs to lighten up on the doughnuts. Or avoid wearing yellow. Or both.


Damn! I mean Dayn!

If there is a doofier person being paid to write about baseball than Dayn Perry, I am the king of Spain. I think the working title of Dayn's recent post, "Stats mean little in Spring Training" was "My columns mean little because I have no fucking idea what I am talking about." For obvious reasons, Fox found this more accurate title inappropriate.

Here's his opening:

If you take a gander at the Spring Training statistics from any year, you'll find some interesting things. As of Wednesday, for instance, we find that Mets shortstop Jose Reyes is batting only .125, while the Nationals' Shawn Hill has a 2.00 ERA after three starts. So may we rightly surmise that Reyes' career is over and that Hill will win the NL Cy Young this season? Of course not.

I, too, have all day to sit around, read blogs, and research baseball, and when I don't know what I'm talking about (see below for example), I admit it. I don't build an entire article around my stupidity. Dayn, I wish you'd leave the uninformed, novelty blogging to us professionals. If you don't actually watch the teams before you write, Fox might stop paying you, and then how will you afford your high-speed internet connection? Look what I did! I looked up Jose Reyes in today's boxscore and found that today he is hitting .349! And then there's this already optioned catcher named Jose A. Reyes , probably riding a bus to somewhere right now, hitting .125. Pay me!

Hey Dayn, by the way, what do you think of acclaimed 16 year old Dominican prospect (and hopefully future Mets farmhand) Jose Jose? Take a gander at the internets and let us know what you think.

Mets fans support Pedro signing

Cerrone's Metsblog is reporting that 92 percent of the 2,092 voters [in his poll] said that if Pedro Martinez never pitches again, his signing was still worth $43 million to the Mets. Well, I am still working out the numbers, but so far I have figured out that, by this metric, someone like me, who has never pitched for the Mets and will never pitch for them again, is worth $29 million to Mets fans. So Metsfans, send me your checks and money orders. Actually, money orders would be fine.

Greetings Rockies Fans!

Here's a big shout out to Rox Girl who linked to my predictions post this weekend and made me feel loved, something I don't always feel from my own fanbase (Coop and the long-lost Andrew excepted of course). Maybe she's laughing at me, not with me, but it all got me thinking: Rockies fans and Metsfans, we're not all that different, nosiree. And I need to broaden the appeal of this blog past members of my immediate family. Now that that Mike Hampton matter is cleared up, why can't we all just be friends?

Now admittedly, I don't know a Rockie from a Brewer, and I couldn't name a single starting Rockie. The main difference between the two teams seems to be in the "having a future" department. But I'm sure that Colorado fans and Mets fans have a lot in common.

Rockies fans and Mets fans both:
*struggle with abominable uniform color schemes
*are familiar with the workings of humidors
*enjoy school systems of varying quality
*know who Mike deJean is

The Rockies play in a different division as far as I know, so the teams pose no immediate threat to each other. In fact, as a sign of good faith, I will post a picture of Mike deJean.




So I hereby welcome all Rockies fans. I think our relationship should be more of a fun, Don Zimmer-Pedro Martinez affair than a Kenny (Ball four) Rogers-Photojournalist thing. What do you think?

Let the healing begin!

For all my new Rockies fans, and fans all around the league, here's a something for you:

As Rockies and Mets fans all know, the offices of Major League baseball are filled with incompetence, greed, and arrogance. But there's one good apple in every barrell and I think I've found it! The headlines on MLB.com are precious, offering a tantelizing mixture of attention-getting puns and sly humor that draws us each in to the latest news from around the league. And they do this for each team, even teams that no one gives a damn about!

Who writes this stuff? Here's a Coors light for you, MLB headline writers!

Which recent MLB headline is the most hilarious?
	Bochy slots Benitez as Giant's closer
	Rockies' Helton seeks a return to form in '07
	Iwamura's spring slump doesn't Rays eyebrows
	Healthy Helton could mean mountain of success
	Cards' Wilson up to being man in the middle
	Cubs have alleviated Prior concerns
	Brewer's message to Sarfate: Relax
	Mariners awaiting Putz's MRI results
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