It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

In-Game Blog: Mets at Br*ves

Today's game is on TV. So, I'm gonna in-game blog. Aiming for the Sports Guy, only funny. The question often arises, what has ESPN done to our beautiful game and pro-sports in general? Well let's take a look-see. It starts with the "formula": add as many former athelete pinheads with nothing to say to the booth as possible. That way, there will be no dead air, the commentators will not have to think before they talk, and the fan will be spared the burden of enjoying this most cerebral of games. Today we have three pinheads talking for the sake of talking. Oh and a ballgame. Let the inanities begin.

Today's Chuckleheads: Rick Sutcliff (hated exCub), Dusty (Butcher) Baker, and Dave O'Brien.

*Holy shit why is Adkins still with the club? The Mets need to go on an "Adkins Diet" tut sweet. Luckily Davies sucks too.

*Did the play-by-play guy just say, "Johnson got fisted" (on the pitch)? He did.

*Espn is advertising a "Civil Rights Game" featuring the Indians (no civil rights for native americans i guess) and Cardinals, sponsored of course by Autozone. Are they kidding? No they are not. Note to self: mine for comedy.

*Ingame interview with Willie: First of all, in game interviews with the manager should be banned outright. Totally unneccessary. Sort of like in-game blogging. The most pressing question: the f*cking spring training game line-up! Even Willie can't beleive his ears. Do these guys even read the papers? Dusty: "Do you feel ready to break camp? As a former manager, [that is always] a big issue? Really? What did you do when the Cubs weren't ready to break camp, Dusty? Stay behind? I guess there were probably a few years you should have stayed in Florida.

*Uggie Urbina: 14 year prison sentence for murdering like 5 people. Does that mean he's available Omar? He's old like el duque, and a rule breaker, like Mota. Make it happen.

*On Jose Reyes: He hasn't got his man muscles.

*Chan Ho Park in the Park. Makes Anrwuwuwuw look like a bozo. I likes.

*Hey all three chuckleheads are dressed like attendents at Canyon Ranch. Navy polo shits. Call each other before the game guys.

*Chan Hoses the Br*ves, 1,2,3.

*Alou looks done to me. So sue me.

*Oh my god the sanctimony. MLB Civil Rights game. Kill me.

*Parkinglot looking OK. Maybe I feel better.

*Oops spoke too soon.

*Julio Franco has a great body accordign to Dusty. this is gettign too homoerotic for me.

*Omar: "Last year we were chasing the Br*ves, this year, theyre chasing us"

*they are not offering Omar a seat in the booth

*Reyes is up. I love this guy. He strikes out.

*Beltran. I love this guy. He flies out

*Burgy--the Amburgler-- looks good. But hes sooo Armando.

*Sutcliff gives the doofus some wristbands. I'd rather watch the game.

*6-3, 6th inning. Guys discuss Amburgler, general state of bullpen. Amby three strikeouts.

*i like Newhan, but he gets picked off

*dave, rick and dusty's picks for the MLB; who cares? They don't even read the papers it seems.

*Felice-navidad0 is in the game. This guy is more key to the Mets year than we admit to ourselves.

*Rick the ass picks the Phillies for the NL East; the other two jokers pick da Mets

*I have to pee, but bottom of the inning and the Mets are up against Tyler Yates. Old Man promptly grounds out

*disturbuing images of the Cardinals apparent victory in the WS; Mets go quietly--i wish i just peed.

*Poopeyface is in the game. Consider this Aaron's audition for me. Show me something you parking challenged baby.

*Heilman can't hold them. Broadcasters remind me that his elbow is tender. That gives me a headache.

*8-3 grrrr. Willie no doubt cleverly luring Bobby COX into false sense of security.

*holy shit the espn fantasy baseball commercial made me loose my lunch, and i haven't eaten it yet!

*David Wright's in game interview. Prepare to hear all the right things. All star game question. He liked the comraderie. But why the slump after the game davey? Dusty asks his question from his notecard: "Are you ready to leave spring training?"

* 9th inning. Karim Garcia is released (from where, prison?). Does Shawn Green need a caddy?

*At least the games almost over and I don't have to see the "Man suit" commercial again.

* Lets go Mets . Comeback time.

*Maybe not. Loduca swings weakly and rejoins his buddies in the dugout. Green does what he does. Mike Carp's drapes match the carp(et) and he goes down check-swinging. Mets 3 Braves 3, Adkins 5.

*I have to go take a shower to forget Poopeyfaces pitching. No amount of showering will erase the memory of the ESPN Fantasy Baseball ad though.

* POST GAME interview. The Jacket. No Jacket. He's naked!! He's Naked!! Within seconds he has said "stuffed animals." Dusty wants to ask sooo bad: are you ready to leave Spring training?" but holds back. See, he's not as dumb as Joe Morgan.



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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.