Nothing Like an Opening Day Pummeling

Fredbird violates his parole again.

I admit, I was a bit worried about the Mets coming out flat, and during the game I fretted about the bullpen blowing a big lead. That would be demoralizing. Then I remembered that JackAss-olanternHead Looper is safely in the opposing rotation where he can do little direct damage to the Mets championship aspirations. Mets, 6-1, 12 hits, no errors. A smooth, almost flawless affair. Unless you count the post-game whining coming from the other dugout.

Super-genius-sleepy-rider-Tony LaRasshat commented that Beltran's throw was "kind of a foolish throw." [Side note: looking for an authentic Spanish speaker to tell me why ESPN's Jon Miller pronounces Beltran and Valentin the way he does. According to Wikipedia, "he tends to put the majority of emphasis on the "A" of Beltrán, as the accent denotes." Is this at all true?] Well, maybe but if Eckstein was as scrappy as advertised, shouldn't he have tried a hook slide or some other more intelligent way of getting that run scored? He probably decided to scrappily run through LoDuca. But Paul has put his shoulder into 18 year old girls with more body mass than that overrated little twerp. Sometimes, keeping it scrappy ends up deadly.

Some Metsfans are promoting the downloading and wearing of a Tony LaRassat mask, available here: Be Your Favorite Cardinal. I don't know about that plan, since the dude won't be able to see the fans through his shades, but the link is amusing. The best part is the instructions. apparently Cards fans need to be told to "trim eye holes so you won't miss a single moment of the game." I have heard this is in response to the number of injuries suffered by blinded St Louis bumpkins at the infamous "Mark McGuire Mask Day" in the 90s.

Game notes:

• This game really helped me get over the disappointment at the stunning lack of April Fool's Gags in the Mets Blogosphere. Sidd Finch, a nation turns its lonely eyes...
• Well, it was tough watching so many white people have to leave the park, golly gee wiz, so sad. Don't worry folks, American Idol and the US Elections are coming up, so you still have that!
• Looks like my tribute to Toothless paid off. Foregiveness is cool.
• LoDuca wins a little bit more of my heart, when he helps Beltran nail Eckstein at the plate in the sixth. Who doesn't love to see a scrappy little bastard (who tried to go through Paul instead of around the tag) get his comupance? Is that even how you spell comupance?
• Plays of the games: The Beltran throw and the Stash's diving grab (does Stash look a little, well, 'roided up to you?)
• Surprisingly, Tony LaRussa answered the bell for the in-game interview.
• I don't remember the Cards' defense being Soooo (Taguchi) bad.
• No appearances by Scott Spezio, always a plus. (CORRECTION: actually he pinch hit and I missed it. What color was his peach fuzz?)
• Countrytime Lemon best start delivering some 1-2-3's; he gives out hits like Grant Roberts.
• Joe Morgan uncorked a classic: "Offense is going to win you a lot of games." Yes it is, Joe, yes it is.
• Mets are still the better team. Tonight they were poised and pounced on all their opportunities.
• A sweep would be nice.

MLB-Big Cable negotiations go on into the night? I hope to wake up on Monday to some good news! [UPDATE: Nothing yet, but I feel good about this. What has the world come to when I thrill at the thought of tossing my cable company another 180 bucks?]