It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It's Tool Time Again: Steve Phillips Provides Some Levity as Mets fans Stare into the Abyss; Hundley Name Back in the News

Above, a gallery of people Steve Phillips has fucked.

Looking for a way to avoid thinking about the World Series that could transform the Mets' 2009 season into arguably the worst in club history? Mr. Steve Phillips, prize tool, reporting for duty.

As Met general manager and member of the ESPN idiocracy, Steve always liked tools in his players; even more so he likes being a tool, and uses his tool outside his marriage with gals who work for him every chance he gets. The only question remaining for historians to sort out was which institution he had done more damage to, the NY Metropolitans or marriage, particularly his own. While Mo Vaughn is undoubtedly still hitting buffets and strip clubs across the nation on the Mets' dime, it looks like the balance has finally shifted in favor of the latter.

The New York Post's fine, Pulitzer-level coverage of this new low, including letters from the mistress, statements from Phillips' son and wife, details how Phillips' affair with 22-year-old production assistant Todd, er, Brooke Hundley went quickly downhill and started to take a toll in terms of the Phillips families' social life, social internet networking, and landscaping. It sounds like Phillips' wife is getting the house and suing for divorce and one can only wish her well. We continue to scratch our heads that such an incompetent and useless bag of human shit could manage to become the GM of a major league baseball team and later, be paid for his commentary on our national past time. Do we really want the Wilpons to choose a new GM/manager?

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  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Wow! But you have to admit she is a looker. Just like that one he fucked when he was BM---oops, I meant GM ---of the mets. Dos he get fired like Harold Reynods and Sean Salisbury? Or is adultery in the workplace considered more palatable than harassment? Memo to Steve: fucking mental cases is wrong.

  • At 11:01 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    (holds nose) LETS GO YANKEES!!! CLAP CLAP CLAP
    Lets go Arod!!!

  • At 4:51 AM, Blogger metsfanincincy said…

    This was the highlight of the Mets season in 2009. Hahahahahahahahaha! God, I hate that pile of dog crap.

  • At 1:51 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    That letter is the worst thing I ever read. Can you imagine getting a letter like that? Ohhhh.... The worst thing Phillips did was not to have sex with that girl. It was to blab on about his family to an unstable girl, and give her a lot of self-indulgent reasons to excuse his infidelity.

  • At 12:32 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Everybody always talks about what a handsome guy Steve is. So why is he always going out with female trolls like this one? There is some deep-seated psychological issue at work here. I do feel for his wife. Imagine listening to this guy talk for 20 years? It makes me shiver.

  • At 8:45 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    Jeter gave the first lady a kiss on the cheek last night - take the ball and run with it!

  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i've been hiding under my bed waiting for the world series from hell to finish, so i didn't see the news.

    So you're saying Michelle Obama now has herpes?

    By the way, who are you hoping wins this contest, Cver?

  • At 4:40 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I know you did not ask, but I am viscerally compelled to hate the yankees. I know it may be sacrilege to say it, but I kind of admire the phllies. They are what the mets wish they had become, and might have, if they did not sign the wrong free agents, bring in the wrong complementary players, draft poorly, and hire the wrong front office personnel. Even with a margin for error the size of the grand canyon, the mets would still find a way to exceed it.

  • At 7:35 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    Oh come on, jdon! Are you telling me you are rooting for COLE HAMELS to win? SHANE VICTORINO? CHASE UTTLEY?

    I have a inner generalized hatred of the Yankees, but I actually quite admire a few of the individuals, Jeter, Posada, Rivera.

  • At 6:02 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    It's hard to really hope that either team wins this Series and for a Mets fan, sort of a Sophie's Choice, you could say, although I suppose if I had to choose which team I least mind winning, probably I would favor the Philmes, since to a certain extent, I find some truth in what my buddy Jdon writes - the Philmes have shown how to do things right mostly - not always the classiest, but enough so, compared to the Yanks, who are too much a team favoring their own entitlement. Even though our NL East rivals are defending World Champs, they still are the world's most losing professional sports franchise ever, which still gives them some degree of underdog status. Who cares - I only care about the Mets and they aren't at the party.

  • At 5:07 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    It is funny, Katherine. Besides the wife beater, the only three Phillies I really hate are Shane Victorino, Cole Hamels, and......Jimmy Rollins. I see nothing to hate about Utley, aside from his fielding. Oh, and while I also admire Jeter and Rivera, I cannot stomach Posada, who is a crank, a stupid player, and grossly overrated, IMHO. But hey, we agree on 2 out of 3 on both counts. Cver, thank you, I fear the mets are far from contending at this point, though. Unless they line up some good starters, they will remain a long way off.

  • At 6:07 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    Well, jdon, if you hate Cole Hamels, these statistics will make you feel better:

    Cole Hamels previous to his statement in December of 2008, that the Mets were "Choke Artists":

    Regular Season: W-L: 38-22. ERA: 3.43
    Postseason: W-L: 4-1, ERA: 2.18

    his stats post-comment:

    Regular Season (2009): W-L:10-11, ERA: 4.32
    Postseason: (2009): W-L: 1-2, ERA: 7.87

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i am coming around to think that this world series may be, philosophically, the greatest thing to happen to us this season.

    "Rooting" for the Yankers this week has been a truly surreal, upsetting experience, but i think I have reached some sort of transcendent plane. I hate Posada and Jeter too, but i freely admit i let bitterness guide me when aiming my rancor at the Philmes. That is, like jdon said, the Phils are what the Mets were supposed to be. And I wanted the mets moneybags to be thrown at Texiera. So my philosophy is sour grapes combined with the knowledge that a Yanks victory will be easy to explain away as having been purchased, since that has to be more true than ever before, or at least since the Clemens/Damon "era".

    So that's my feeling. What's the alternative? Start hoping like dopes about next year.

  • At 6:13 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    katherine that would make me feel better if colbert was still the "ace" of the staff. but they have cliff lee now too. so, still sad.

  • At 1:04 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Hamels is a chump. Whatever the outcome of this series, the mets will be pushed face down into their temporary graves a little deeper. Are the Won'tpons capable of shame?

  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    The reason I say that is that people who lie, constantly make excuses, and blame others for their mistakes are usually incapable of shame. And the way they have run this organization since they took control should make them ashamed. The only way to show proper repentance would be to hire a truly professional top executive and then retreat to some kind of real estate monastery.

  • At 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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