It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Monday, October 05, 2009

Top Ten Unqualified Sucesses of the Mets' 2009 Season
Mets beloved owner Fred Wilpon ponders his next move.

Are you discouraged by your team's abject, dismal failure on almost every operational front, compounded by the mind-bending decision by the owners to make no management changes going forward? Take a look at the bright side! Here are the top ten Met accomplishments we can be proud of:

10. Mets medical staff continues to protect players from Mud Wrestlers Rash, Mary Hart Epilepsy, and feline diabetes.
9. Mets able to spoil Florida Marlins' shot at club attendance record (a visit from the Mets depressed attendance numbers just enough so Marlins couldn't break 13,000 for the year)
8. Mets planning to add to ridiculous Citi outfield wall design with baseball's first in-park MRI machine housed in unmoving centerfield HR apple
7. Fernando Tatis can now add sun porch to his church in the Dominican Republic.
6. Delta Airlines, in honor of their affiliation with the Mets, now charging for each working hamstring as well as first and second checked bags
5. Pat Misch gets enough starts to cement his status as 2010 Mets #2 starter
4. Cody Ross sidelined by a wrist injury courtesy of a pitch from Mets' John Maine (along with Ross' habit of "rodeo-style" masturbation)
3. Fred Wilpon's team wins the NL West for the second year in a row
2. Due to drop in SNY viewership, visits to Jeter's Ford drop precipitously
1. Josh Thole is still alive and walking without help.

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  • At 10:04 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    Laugh, clown, laugh.

    Everyone is back except for Sandy, and he is kind of back. Oh, Luis Alicea (who?) was let go. Give me a break. We will fire Jerry by June, and the only manager around will be Manny Acta. We will fire Omar too and wind up with J.P. Ricciardi. People other teams do not want. Art Howe, anyone?

  • At 6:48 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i say hire as many GMs as possible. They can take turns.

  • At 7:41 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I think that idea goes along with your idea for relief (or was it rotating? I wish jerry would rotate) anagers that you proposed eazrlier this year.

  • At 7:19 AM, Blogger metsfanincincy said…

    Marty Noble wrote that the Mets are talking to Wally Backman. Yeah, I want me some Wally fuckin' Backman managing this team! Bring some BALLS back to these losers.

    On another subject, I'm beginning my 5th (5th!) decade of cheering for the Mets. As much as seasons like 2009 suck, sadly, that is the norm. Ahh, the short ups and deep downs of being a Mets fan.

  • At 6:14 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    I am not sure I should congratulate you. I have been at it since 1962, and this is the lowest I have ever been. I now do not expect another WS win in my lifetime. We have had worse teams, but we as fans have never been this disrespected and disregarded by ownership's attitudes and actions. I did not go to a game this year, have been preaching Omar-doom for at least two years, and I will not give them another dime until he and the rat Manuel are gone. Oh, and I think Wally is a time bomb waiting to go off. How about Wally on the bench and Milton Bradley in for a look see? Sorry to be so depressing. But you have a great day, hear?

  • At 10:11 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    i don't know what to make of the Backman situation. It's probably like rearranging the deckchairs on the titanic, then breaking them up as kindle wood for one last fire on the deck. It probably doesn't matter since this team is so far from respectability.

    I think I'll watch this off season with my hands over my eyes. Omar has tried throwing gobs of money at problems, and he's tried doing nothing to fix the offense too. What will he try next?

    I've been at this metfan thing a mere 27 years, but I can say that if I were the Wontpons, I'd do the opposite of everything they've been doing. This wagon's wheels fell off a long time ago. At least the Raiders have cool uniforms.

  • At 3:36 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    One thing he will do: he will trash whatever farm system they have to keep his job. That will make him a carbon copy of Jerry the Rat--and make the two of them even more incompatible. It will be great this upcoming year listening to each of them blaming the other for the team's shortcomings. No one throws them under the bus like Jerry.

  • At 8:06 AM, Blogger metsfanincincy said…

    I don't know, man. The bleach and firecracker team of 1993 can still make me wince when I think about it. It was the only time I felt embarassed to be a Met fan. But I wholly agree with you about the fans being dissed by ownership. I believe the Mets will win another WS in my lifetime, but it's going to be a while yet. The Wilpons are reminding me of the way Mike Brown runs the Bungles here in Cincy. Time to hire some baseball people and get your rich, spoiled ass out of the business. Honestly, doesn't Jeffy have better things to do with Daddy's bucks? You know, like scoring with tons of young model types? Come on, get your priorities straight! Seems like a no brainer to me, but I do have my priorities straight (I just don't have the millions it would take to score with models at my age).

  • At 8:24 PM, Anonymous jdon said…

    the mets have made one good management hire in the last 20 years and that was valentine. everyone from mcilvaine to harazin to phillips to get the picture. Torborg, howe, good grief, how can you get so many hires wrong?


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