Omar Issues a Cry for Help--Ryan Church Continues His Quest to Find Third Base in Atlanta: Francouer Slated to Play Large Amount of Games
For those of you unfamiliar with Jeff Francoeur's body of work, an introduction.*
In what should probably be his last move as GM of the NY Mets, Omar Minaya traded for Jeff Fran-whatever of the Atlanta Br*ves. If he wanted to get nothing back for him, couldn't Omar have just put Church on Craigslist? But at least he doesn't leave us hanging in the surreal dunderheaded quotes department:
"One thing we like about Francoeur is the amount of games that he plays."
The motives for this trade can only be guessed at since it wasn't worth the cost of ironing new name patches onto the backs of uniforms. It's the first lose-lose trade of the season. Apparently Omar's hand was forced after the Phillies turned down the Mets proposed trade of Fernando Martinez for "Harris," the little girl from the David Wright Boys and Girls Club advertisement.
"I suck! Yay!"
Of course, we don't want to overlook the fact that Francoeur stays healthy, not, for example, getting into too many freak accidents where he is concussed. But it is probably the case that Francoeur, or as Br*ves fans know him, "out," hasn't been good since he went off the (jesus?) juice in 2005.
Omar Minaya unveils his latest masterstroke.
As one internet wag aptly put it, this is at best a "sidegrade" i.e. not an upgrade nor a downgrade. Most others disagree, wonder in amazement at how both teams managed to get worse, or are totally baffled, and some saw it coming from a mile away, but I don't have the heart to analyze this one much myself. JF at I Hate the Mets uses fangraphs to induce more Francoeur-related Metsfan seizures. The best, and I mean absolute best light to interpret this one in is that it was pointless. Here's some more dumb shit Omar was saying, I guess about this trade:
"As a front office, we're going to continue to try to do things to, you know, shake it up a little bit, not just be complacent and say this is it," Mets general manager Omar Minaya said. "I'm hoping that between here and the All-Star break, you know, we have other things that we talk to teams about, and they may come to reality."
So Omar wanted to "shake the team up," but instead of going the traditional boring route, he did so by making the team un-better. I have no idea if the player unaffectionately referred to as Frenchy knows where third base is. But I do know this: when the Br*ves play the Mets, Church will get plenty more tries at rounding third along with all his new friends.
Here's what Jerry Manuel had to say, according to ESPN:
"No. 1, I think he's a tremendous defensive player, even though I'm not looking for defense right now," Manuel said before laughing a dozen times.
Church, of course, went classy early and often, vowing to steal signs for his new pals, as if opposing hitters from non-Met teams need help pounding Mets pitching all over and occasionally out of $itified. Don't blame Ryan, he didn't know. Church is excited because he only needs two more punches on his NL East punch card and he will have been mediocre for an entire division of ballclubs. The only downside for Church is he won't have John Smoltz there to answer all his spiritual questions. Rabbi Shmuel Herzfeld was unavailable for comment.
I hate all ex-Br*ves, so this one's a no-brainer for me. But trading for a guy who has a bigger whole in his swing than Ryan Church has between his ears, that's a cry for help.
*And for comparison, here's a look at what Delta had hoped to achieve by enlisting Francoeur's services.