It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me at:itsmetsforme@gmail.com or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Mets Moyer Less Suck

The Mets were Faux's national broadcast today which means two things. 1) nationwide most fans wouldn't get to see it because Faux sucks, and 2) the Mets would be humiliated nationally instead of just regionally.

http://www.walkoffwalk.com/pics/goldglove.jpg
Can these things be repossessed? If so, David Wright might want to hide his.

Man, I knew it was going to be bad, we all do, but this? Jamie Moyer. Why does it always have to be him? Sure, when he pitches against the Mets, the umps like to give him the 90s-Glavine-two-feet-off the plate calls, and I imagine it is difficult to hit in such circumstance. But the balls are coming in the mid-80s at best. I myself have hit this speed in a batting cage and I am not now and have never been a major league ballplayer. Why can't the Mets find some hitters somewhere in the world who can hit an 80 year old meatballer? Oh well, maybe this is the winter they will.

The Mets are so bad that TIMMY! Tim McCarver is starting to make sense again. The Mets are "tough to watch." He called the Mets play "flat out alarming" and wondered if "this was the big leagues." He said this after watching some Mets defense and who can blame him? He is right.

McCarver, who probably doesn't pay any mind to network memos unless Joe Buck reads them in his presence, also had it dead right about Faux's ridiculous fawning over Manny Ramirez' second game back. As his network was taking us to each Manny moment, McCarver was badmouthing the whole idea. It would be more appropriate if they broke into the game to report on Michael Jackson's idylic times with Scout Troop #47. But despite McCarver going off the reservation, Faux continued their campaign to destroy America by disgracing her national past-time. As an adult, I understand that the people at Fux haven't got the judgement necessary to restrain themselves from making a "big story" out of Manny's return, but exactly what are children supposed to think. Many a wag probably asked this question, but what was Fux doing here? What about the chiiiildren, Fux?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_KTv34L9UWcY/RmnMfpMtUrI/AAAAAAAAAQU/CZYMJB95FS8/s400/ThreeStooges.jpg
The Mets fielders complete another routine play.

The Mets were up to their usual tricks today. Tatis was again Ta-Terrible. Stupid signing. Their pitchers can't bunt but they can hit; Nieve drove in the Mets only run. It's their hitters that can't hit, but always show bunt. The 3-6 went 0 fer 16. Ryan Church, playing centerfield in the major leagues, can't manage to throw accurately to homeplate. Alex Cora's play means that we need a new word where we usually speak of a shortstop's "range" because that word isn't even relevant. And David Wright led his troops into the latrine pit again by example.

http://www.amgenrenaladvances.ca/patient/images/amgn_symptoms.jpg
Other symptoms of anemia are: you wear orange and blue, and handle a bat like it's a balsa wood pinwheel.

Wright and Santos combined to help those Philmes get the 4th run across, when they both inexplicably missed pop ups. Wright should be absolutely humiliated if it is true that a fan called him off the ball, as it looked on tv. But is it worse if it was actually Cora yelling "You've got room"? These dopes don't have some kind of preplanned word they yell at each other? Then Santos starts bumbling because somehow, somehow, he hasn't learned to use two hands to catch. Then he can't corral Church's pathetically off line throw. Yada yada yada. How can I make this interesting? I'll give you a hint. We're taking off the kid gloves with David Wright around here; his act is growing stale.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_y8SPNbAAKo8/SFdSSU0gpvI/AAAAAAAACSo/Fhptoyfc4s8/s400/totg-short-bus.jpg
Ah finally a picture of the bus the Mets take to the park together.

Worst of all, Ollie is coming back. Why do I say worst? Because this dunderhead is symbolic of Omar Minaya's total systemic failure to build and plan a major league competitor and as such, lowers fan morale dangerously with every his every public appearance. He is a living reminder that instead of a competent club that plays watchable baseball and even exploits the talent it has in the window still remaining, we have this. A rickety, broke-down bunch of AAAA sallies.

Omar should be asked a question or two. "Omar how could you start this season with a team (as you have in years past) with the likes of Santana, Beltran, Wright, Reyes, and Rodriguez and be unable to field a competitor? How is it possible that you are squandering the core we finally developed/acquired?" Then, after one last long-winded meaningless answer, he should be allowed to leave out the back door, under his own power, if he goes willingly.

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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.