It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tranny's Blow Assures Mets Aren't All Wet

The separation of Church and plate was only temporary.

As that soaking wet ball glanced off the Satanic glove of Cubs' treacherous first baseman Micah Hoffpauir, can I be forgiven for expecting a hole to open up in the infield and swallow Jose Reyes to keep him from scoring the winning run? The Mets finishing any given game with a higher tally than the opposition has become an outright anomaly. But the playoff-bound Cubs, who had to start their AAA team to let the Mets compete? Very Improbable.

In order to beat the Cubs' practice squad, the Mets were forced to take extreme measures, none more symbolic Ryan Church's home plate dance with catcher Koyie Hill, whose surgically reattached fingers were not flexible enough to get to the Church on time. They had to outlast Pedro Martinez' last rag doll impression. They had to overcome Rincon's ultra-efficient appearance, one pitch, one homerun given up to a rookie. They had to take it to the wire.

The pressure for the fan was much worse than for the players. Remaining calm on my sofa, executing clutch channel switches, typing inanities into my local internet chat, its a lot to ask. This is getting ridiculously stressful. The Brewers knotted up with the useless Pirates till late. Mother Nature getting into the act, raining down postponement pain down on this game, and even threatening to turn the weekend into a two-for-one march of misery for the Mets right to the golf course. Worst of all, even getting by the AAA Cubs tonight and keeping themselves still in the hunt just meant that the oily Fish were on their way to Shea, bent on spoiling. And when its all over, we fans don't get to relax with a steak dinner and a floozy, and check to see if they deposited this week's million dollar check yet.

Keith Hernandez looked right into the camera at game's end, and exclaimed his feeling that the Mets should aim at first in the NL East. With the Mets 1 game behind the Philmes, I suppose that's possible. But it would help if they had Keith Hernandez in their lineup.

These are times of lunacy. And post-victory hope makes one crazy. The Mets will collapse. They are collapsing. The only question is whether they will do it this weekend. Or after accepting a trophy from Bud Selig.



  • At 5:57 AM, Anonymous Che Goodbye said…

    Collapsing after a trophy from Bud Selig??? Boy, you are in bad shape!:)

  • At 9:26 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    collapsing into the arms of loved ones, the loving embrace of the city, you know. I'm an inveterate optimist.

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    hey, you don't need a steak dinner and a floozy and a million dollar weekly pay stub to relax. A pint of 8.4% Exhibition cider, smoking a Tony Tarasco bifter with Mr Met and a few quid for a midnight balti pie should suffice.
    So you still think Manuel is undeserving of a one year deal when it's all said and done?

  • At 2:13 PM, Anonymous Che Goodbye said…

    Oh, I see, IMFM. It's way funnier not getting it, but touching now that I did.

  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger Optimism said…

    Seriously dude....brewers face the cubs.

    Mets win 2/3 and win the wild card.

    You really need to take some antidepressants.

  • At 2:34 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    that's right, blame the victim!!

    Jaap, though I don't know many of the words you just used (is "midnight balti pie" slang for some kind of paid sex?), i think Jerry can be one of the candidates, particularly if fate shines upon the Mets this weekend, but I really don't see overwhelming, tangible evidence that he does things any different from Willie. I'd like someone that knows enough not to use Aaron Heilman. We might like Jerry more than Willie, but I still think this team needs a disciplinarian to live up to its potential. Not more of the same.

  • At 3:51 PM, Blogger katherine said…

    I feel insanely enraged with Pedro during the first inning of every game he pitches, and this gradually subsides as the game goes on. Isn't there some way Jerry could compensate for Pedro's first inning problem? Couldn't they play a pretend inning somewhere right before the game?

    Secondly, did you see the SNY broadcast last night? Did you see the Lenny Dykstra interview? What is wrong with him? He was slurring his words, and not making sense. Either he was drunk, or he has some kind of problem, because he was not normal in that interview.

  • At 5:22 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    katherine, that's easy. Nails entire body is filled to the brim with chewing tobacco. The behavioral ticks are all a result of this.

  • At 8:47 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    i'm not surprised the team had no fight in them. But jerry wants the job and he puts in Heilman in a big spot again??!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!!?

  • At 10:25 PM, Anonymous Che Goodbye said…

    Mr. IMFM, I am so angry at that asshole right now for putting in Heilman. And even for Heilman, I have never seen facial expressions like that!!!! I mean, he looked like he was gonna explode and some little monster was gonna come out of his head, like in those Alien movies. OK, as it turned out, he could have as easily put in John McCain to pitch the rest of that game, considering the offensive output (that might have done the country a big favor). Still, once again, I am so angry at our hopefully soon-to-be-former-interim manager that I feel inside the way Poopy's face was looking. He sure does where his poop on his sleeve.

  • At 2:09 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    Oh Mr. Cvr Goodbye, we don't deserve this!

  • At 4:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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