Mets Look Dead Against Big Red

Mr. Red hits the town to celebrate the easy pasting of the Mets

Last night the Mets battled the boys in blue and the boys in red, and lost on both scores. The chUmpires, if they weren't in fact on the take, picked a terrible night to defile the American pastime with incompetence, since Ollie Perez' wagon wheels are always in danger of coming off. Some of these travesties had an impact on the score, some not, but the bottom line is the Mets are drawing more than their share of shit calls. Bottom of the 5th, Tatis breaks his ass to catch a foul pop up, AKA "the third out" of the inning, Wally Bell jogs out, watches him catch it, and then declares it no catch. Top of the sixth Damion Easley grounds all feeble and shit up the middle with no outs and two men on, and the autopilot bozo on the first base line calls him out when he was safe by a mile. Don't get me started on the balls and strikes calls, those were dubious as well. But we can't blame home plate umpire Sam Holbrook, who, according to the SNY guys, was just filling in for John Herschbeck, who is ON VACATION. On vacation during the season? With these summer gas prices? This resolves any nagging questions you may have had concerning accountability for MLB officials. What if a ballplayer took a vacation during the season after having a whole winter off? Ha ha yeah I know, the Mets collectively took a September holiday in 2007, I was setting you up for that one.

Umpire Wally Bell accepts cash considerations from his Reds front office connection

This is not to imply that the Mets couldn't lose this game all on their own. No no, it was hard to hear oneself fume with all those ducks on the pond quacking away. The Mets made the Reds relievers, Affeldt, Lincoln, and Stormy Weathers look like Rollie Fingers, Dennis Eckersley and Jeff Reardon. Many game-changing RISPs beckoned, but the Mets stars demurred, preferring to watch strikes go sailing by. It looks like Carlos "I like to watch" Beltran has tutored Goldenboy as to how not to foul off close pitches that turn into called third strikes, and journeyman Whatshisname Lincoln was delivering some nasty pitches anyhow.

It was a pathetic effort. Worse, the Mets have reverted to the brand of baseball they are famous for. This trip to the Great American Smallpark is turning into a disaster.