It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Avenger of Blood Author Gives Mets a Lift with Non-Literary Ineptitude

Miguel Batista's start last night tanked worse than his last novel.

A couple years back, some Mariners fans apparently took issue with their club's signing of Major League Baseball's only active novelist, a man who could twirl fastballs and snappy dialogue at will:

"I think you're right: this has got to be only the second time when the entire state has become so intently focused on one trial. Many people who came here today are carrying posters and signs demanding justice and that Thomas Santiago receive the death penalty," Molly observed."

Less charitable suspicions were confirmed when Batista dropped this quote after a meeting with Kenny G:
"He played for me," Batista said. "It was my favorite song, 'Alone.' Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

I'm not one to kick a guy when he's down, but this stuff is irresistable. If the title of Batista's new thriller, Avenger of Blood: A Plot Where Real Facts and Evidences Face Faith, is a bit clumsy, you can bet that Mets fans are in a forgiving mood. Just a night after being humiliated by Dickeyball, the Mets faced a man, “Dominican by birth, pitcher by profession, poet by vocation” who is actually a better writer than pitcher. Let's just say it made Carlos Delgado's 45th birthday extra special. Alas, the Mets can't expect to face a pitcher/writer hack every night. Nor can they count on Adrian Beltre's defensive splendor and well-timed throw aways to keep them batting though any more innings. But at least they took one game out of three from the worst team in baseball, a team with nothing to play for.

During a mildly entertaining SNY broadcast, Keith and Gary reiterated their stance against fan voting for the All-Star team --Keith "I played in 5 all-star games and I probably should have played in 9" Hernandez probably has a point, but did the Mets organization have to take their arguments to the extreme and come out so strongly against fan interest in baseball altogether?

Lucky I don't have heart trouble since John Maine took the opportunity in the 5th to go from cruising through a no-hit laugher to stumbling through a everybody hit nail biter by giving up something like 400 consecutive hits. Ichiro nearly made it a 8-5 lead (thus potentially leading to the re-explosion of my head) when he hooked a change up just foul and had to settle for a sac fly. But the Mariners being the Mariners, Maine got out of it with a pop up and an 8-2 lead. Still with an 8 run cushion, Maine failed to go 7 as required by the Gangsta. Which of course, makes me cranky.

Time again to play our continuing "Get to know your Mets Coaches"
Dan Warthen is:
A. Best-selling author of The Da Vinci Code
B. Running for the Texas House of Representatives
C. a former 12-21 big league pitcher for four seasons, now the Mets new pitching coach
D. your next door neighbor's kid who you caught ogling your daughter through a telescope

Dan Warthan--or is it Joe Maddon?--shops for rice.

Seriously, I know more about the Angel Rays manager Joe Maddon than I do about this guy. Feel free to send in your fun facts.



  • At 12:43 AM, Blogger Jaap said…

    and here I was thinking Dan Warthen was simply coaching as a side job from his regular gig as Dan the Herb Man letting the world know about the power of warts. (oh my what google searches will find)

    but yes, an incredible novelist, this Batista - thanks for the heads up and here I thought all along he was simply a wrestler.

    Is Carlos Delgado really only 45? I had him pegged for 70-something and thought he was just growing old gracelessly.

  • At 7:56 AM, Blogger katherine said…

    There was a nice moment in last night's game when Brian Schneider put his arm over Dan Warthen's shoulder after their conference on the mound with John Maine. Dan looked extrememly grateful.

    And thank you for mentioning Ichiro's fateful at bat. I actually had to go lie down for a few moments after that long foul ball that was almost a grand slam.

  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    That looks like celery, not rice. Whatever happened to journalistic intergrity and fact-checking? Who are the sources that can confirm that is indeed rice?

  • At 12:38 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    Sorry, the fact checking monkeys are on summer holiday. And my interns are all now busy inquiring into Dan the Herb Man's involvement in Grant Robert's career. And when they get back, i promise to sic them on this potentially inappropriate relationship between Warthen and Schnieder. Thanks for the tips!

  • At 2:00 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    Mr. IMFM, nice job. I expect to probably see a post about Mike Piazza's new 10 million dollar contract with Pert Plus soon:

  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    wow thanks for the tip cver.

    my favorite quote from that article:

    "Mike Piazza is busy enjoying some much needed time off and declined to respond in detail; however, he did have the following comment:

    "I can't control what people think. I am married to a Playboy Playmate, and I even had a child with her. I think that proves it; doesn't it?"


    I wonder if he uses Pert also for his facial hair, or just the hair on his head. I see more endorsement opportunities.

  • At 4:25 PM, Anonymous cver said…

    When you say facial hair, do you mean his wife, if she is his beard?

  • At 9:34 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    no, Cver, that would be funnier though. Shame on me for saying Mike Piazza and facial hair in the same sentence and not jumping to the immediate conclusion! I have always remembered the "Prince" years for Mike's goatee fondly.

  • At 7:16 PM, Anonymous cverez said…

    That Yank-killer wasn't too dopey this afternoon, was he?

  • At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You don't want to hire Dan Warthen to do ANYTHING!!!!! This is a guy whose family would chase away black kids walking to a Jr. High School using a sidewalk with a gun, a guy who showed up at his High School alma mater's basketball game drunk and picked a fight!!! A guy who bullied under class men at his high school, who would just as soon fight you than talk to you. I am STUNNED that this guy is still alive let alone COACHING!!!! ...And I'm a WHITE GUY!!!!! This guy must' ve crapped his pants when Obama got elected...WOW, who ever hires this guy may as well take a seat in the basement of the division; NO LEADERSHIP!!!!!!

  • At 6:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    WHAT!!!!!? Is this Dan Warthen from North High in Omaha, Nebraska??? If so, you guys have problems deeper than you think!! Y'know , I'm from Omaha, Nebraska and attended North High when Dan Warthen was there. WOW! It's good to see that he is a broken down idoit....WOW! I agree with the anonymous.....WOW!!! Actually I played on Varsity with this guy, and yes he was all the bully kind'a guy, and I guess we should've said something to him when he did those bad things, but Danny was our guy, he was our friend and we turned the other way....what a mistake.....


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