Even Steven Mets Beat Cards

The Post's headline description of last night's game: "A Very Jerry Win." Indeed. The past few weeks I have been posting less, but if it makes you feel better, I have been pointing at the TV more often and saying "see? it's Even Steven theory!" to nobody in particular. See, I'm personally convinced that, as trite as it may be to overcome writer's block by quoting an episode of Seinfeld, the Manual Mets are on Auto-pilot: they will immediately give away anything they achieve, or achieve anything they give away, thus remaining fabulously .500. For instance, despite a rough beginning, I knew the Mets would end up prevailing over the Cards last night. How? Is it because I know that Ramon "sleepy Head" Castro, who any 12 year old fan knows needs to be platooned with waste-of-money starting catcher Brian Schneider, was going to do some hittin? Is it because I could feel a competent spot start coming from Tony Vargas-Armas Jr. whatever-his-name is? Nope. So how did I know?

Well, they lost the night before. It's just that simple.

So why am I sharing this? Well, I looked more carefully into the episode, "The Opposite" and realized there is more wisdom to be had here.

I put this to you, dear reader: could not the following lines easily be uttered by Omar Minaya?

"Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's often wrong."

- George Costanza, in "The Opposite"

So if J-Man is going to manage this club to Even Steven land, when will Omar start doing the opposite?


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Apparent Mets pitching coach Dan Warthen is putting a mouth to my feelings/crazy dreams that Pedro actually looks good even when he looks so bad.

"His stuff is better than it has been in two years," Warthen said yesterday. "He's in the low 90s, and all of his pitches are in order. He still has pinpoint control. I'm telling you, he's about to take off."

I was really happy to see Petey throwing above 90--until it appeared that his opponents were batting with the trunks of mango trees, swatting his pitches all over the place. Pedro will be going tonight, forgoing an extra day of rest so he can regain his touch, according to J-Man.

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Biggest news of the day: supposed infield coach Sadly Alomar Jr. has noticed all the errors piling up! Hooray! Does this spell an end to the Mets' Marlin-like interior defense?

Smallest news of the day: El Duque, it seems, has not yet retired and is "on track" to rejoin the club towards the end of the month, forcing us once again to write his name. Most fans have finally given up on their sad Old Duque fascination, one that crippled the club (and it's GM who resigned the old bastard), and I don't have any higher expectations (I'd prefer to see him disappear) but there is one note of interest in the NYTimes: "Hernández has modified his pitching motion slightly so that pushing off the rubber does not place as much pressure on the strained tendon in his right foot." Well now, is that the same modification he made for the incredible, un-treatable bunion that slowed him this spring? Cause that modification surely didn't work. Is the bunion still there? Is he just distracted by the pain from the tendon/arthritis/dusty bone syndrome? I'm sure Orlando is hoping to let the club down one more time in a big spot, and who am I to stand in the way of an old man and his dreams?

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Reading about the Padre's recruiting in Latin America makes me wonder how the Mets are doing on this score.