It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Accountable and Steadfast, the Mets Organization Marches Boldly into the Future
Watching this team is bad for one's complexion.

Many of your favorite Mets blogs got of the ground in 2005; your humble servant here got started bringing Met-style mediocrity to the wide world of webs during that year (hint: anniversary presents!).  Now that the team's story has followed its arc back to the laughable shambles it was in before the Yankees turned down Carlos Beltran's overtures, it is fair to say the Mets blogosphere faces its biggest challenge yet: staying interested in this crap.  And we're certainly sagging under the pressure.  In 2007 it was easy to believe the Mets would take the next step, in 2008 it was hard to believe they could do that again, in 2009 it was fascinating like a car crash, and here in 2010 we got what we expected: a listless circus of sometimes violent clowns underperforming even the lowest expectations we had for them. From the owners to the "management" to the "stars" the organization comes together to earn their place as the laughingstock of professional baseball.
"hell of a job, Frenchy!"

This is a bad team, one that plays offensive (it offends) baseball. What am I gonna do about it? Well, first things first, I'm going to run a lot of bad pictures of these losers with mocking captions. Then I'm going to rail against Omar Minaya. Then I'm...well see, there's not much else to do. We are right where we were, the early 2010s will resemble the early 2000s, only without the late 90s afterglow.
Accountability: it's the backbone of the Mets organization

So there is one part of the the wonderful, final number in 2010 Metastrophe Bingo (mishandled, season ending injury to star) no one's talking about.  Francisco Rodriquez, who suffered torn thumb ligaments while he beat his girlfriend's father steps away from the room where the Mets families gather, could end up in prison, right? He has been charged with assault (third-degree assault and second-degree harassment), which as I understand it, is a criminal charge. He's attacked at least 3 other parties that we know of in the recent past. What's going to keep him from a jail cell, from some time blowing more than just saves?

Somehow the national media has shaken off the disorienting effects of Jeff Francoeur's smile, and have joined the annual roast of the Flushing Failures. "Baseball's worst franchise" says noted Rocker-baiter Jeff Pearlman.  "Meet the Mess" guffaws SI (for you kids out there, Sports Illustrated was a magazine that used to matter, publishing decent writing and nudie shots once a year, til the internet relieved them of their duties), as they direct you to an "archive" article chronicling the recent history of this sad-sack franchise (warning: link not suitable for home...high Scioscia content). This is intuitive, crackerjack reporting. The Mets outdo themselves every year, so pull up a chair, mainstream media, while you still have one!
 Phase three of the Bruney "Replace Krod as the Mets Closer" master plan is well underway.

We'd like to believe that OK-Rod just did whoever takes the Mets over for Omar a big favor by undoing a bit of Omar's stupidity. They owe him $11.5 million for 2011, but the looming nightmare is if a healthy Rodriguez finishes 55 games next season, his contract vests for 2012 at a mind-befuddling $17.5 million.  This shitty team doesn't need an "all-star" "closer" and even if they did, they have to find this at a better price.  Now we've heard that the Mets aren't going to pay OK-Rod during his injury, and they appear to be weighing the option to void his contract. For now, they have placed him on the "disqualified list," and somehow made his contract non-guaranteed with a bunch of maneuvers I've never heard of.  Yay?

Of course, as (totally unbiased) Adam Rubin reports, Omar is not about to let his tongue stay in his mouth on this one; it's important not to keep your options open when dealing with enormous contracts you doled out that hamstring your team now and for the foreseeable future--what you really want to do is leave a paper trail of puzzling comments for the media/lawyers to follow:
GM Omar Minaya said the intention is to bring back Rodriguez in 2011. "Today we want him back," Minaya said.
Today? So TODAY, you're saying the Mets want him back in 2011? Why are you saying today? Because the Mets want him back and don't intend to try to take legal or contractual action against him? If that's the case then the word today is unnecessary.  Sure, maybe BB-Rod will recover from his injury, but what is going to change between now and 2011, in terms of things that the Mets could get out of his contract about?  Why say you want him back at all, if it is possible the Mets plan to get out of the remainder of his contract? You want him back now, but if he rapes a blind nun or clubs and eats an adorable puppy in front of a 3rd grade field trip, the Mets may not want him back?  Omar is known for making big mistakes, but he is also a micro-moron, adding unnecessary comments that don't do anything for the Mets' future negotiations, which hopefully he'll have nothing to do with.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your NY Mets Class of 2020 Hall of Fame inductees..."
Would you let the Mets anywhere near your school?
The Mets are competing against other MLB teams for a $200,000 Pepsi Refresh Grant. Their idea is to improve educational outcomes for low-income communities, improve attendance, behavior, course performance and civic involvement through a competition among 20 NYC public schools that encourages students to attend school everyday and to arrive on time.
 Of course, when Pepsi and the MLB got together on this, they probably tried to leave the Wilpons out of the loop. Both have both had their share of embarrassments and high profile fiascos, Pepsi and the MLB, but they really don't know what they're getting themselves into here. The Mets can't improve attendance, behavior, performance and civic involvement on their own fucking team from people they pay millions upon millions of dollars! Civic involvement for the Mets is having their star player ejaculate on some women on a golf course. Behavior is having your thug closer attack everyone whether they deserve it (Brian Bruney, Shirtless) or not (old geezer family members, bullpen coaches, vesting options). I hereby call upon the Mets to remove themselves from the Pepsi Refresh competition.

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  • At 2:56 PM, Blogger I.M. Forme said…

    "Both have both had their share of embarrassments and high profile fiascos, Pepsi and the MLB, but they really don't know what they're getting themselves into here."

    i nominate this sentence for the Pulitzer prize in blogging. It only looks like it was written by Omar Minaya.

  • At 4:32 AM, Anonymous jdon said…

    It is no small achievement to become a laughingstock. The public is generally fair and patient and forgiving. You have to work really hard and with persistent stupidity to achieve the status of laughingstock. Don't sniff at it.


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