Paper or Plastic?

It's the only question remaining for Mets fans.  You see, if you are accustomed to donning a paper bag to, the 2010 season might convince you to fasten a plastic one over your head and then tighten it until the sweet kiss of oblivion ends this torture.  Of course, joking about suicide on a website devoted to this violent and depraved team might be in poor taste. But where else is there to go?

While other teams race for the playoffs, the Mets are too busy bailing their players out of jail.  All you need to do to understand the story of the Mets is open your (in my case out of town edition of the) NY Times.  The NY media never misses a Mets mix-up, but it's hard to neglect the Met's recent boners: a pitcher takes a $300 taxi, the shortstop disagrees with the manager about why he makes boneheaded errors, typical stuff.  There you'll find a note about how sabermetricians try to guess which teams will make the playoffs with 50 or so games left; guess what, science is telling us the Mets have no chance at the playoffs. 

Then you'll see another article on how the Padres bullpen has lifted the team to the top of the NL, specifically highlighting the contributions of one Heath Bell, or as Mets fans know him, Adkins-Johnson. This passage that caught my eye should be enough to get the flavor:

Bell made little impact in parts of three seasons with the Mets, who traded him in 2006 for pitcher Jon Adkins and outfielder Ben Johnson. The Mets had urged Bell to use a longer stride in his delivery, which he said never felt right. The Padres had a different perspective. 

Darren Balsley, the pitching coach, said he had watched Bell closely for years, impressed by the way Bell’s short stride seemed to make the ball explode from his hand. He worked with Bell on refining his natural mechanics, instead of revamping them.

 The Mets just weren't Balsley enough with Bell. They can't do anything right. Message received.



Then you get to the big news: the Mets "closer" Frankie Rodriguez beat up his relative on Mets' property. While there is no truth to the rumor that so-called K-Rod first tried to strike out his girlfriend/common law wife's father, but only managed to walk him, still, it hasn't been a good month for our Venezuelan Mets.

The Mets are almost never content to be losers on the field; they excel at off-the-field failure too.  It says a lot about my character too, that I can't stop thinking about how the Wilpon's could use these repeated violent and inappropriate to get free of this alleged future felon's enormous and pointless contract.  If Madoff left Fred any money for a couple of lawyers, I say fuck trading him--void the contract.

This team is an embarrassment on the field and off the field. And probably under the field and over the field if that were possible.  Only four or so years after the K*zmir trade wrought sweeping changes to the Wilpon's approach to running the Mets--at least we thought so--we are at that point again with this dysfunctional and pitiable organization.  If you have hope that it can only get better, remember, this is the organization that had to be told to display Mets related items in its own brand new stadium (you know, the one effectively paid for by taxpayers after its sponsor turned out to be one of the biggest criminals in the worst financial crisis of our lifetimes).  The induction of the felonious, domestically violent Gooden and Strawberry into the Met hall of fame may turn out to be the 2010 season highlight.  Every time you think it's the last straw, it isn't.