Mets Still Have Head Up Their Astros

It just isn't a massive Met failure if Aaron Heilman isn't involved.



When in Houston, I recommend club seating (they got cushions for your butt and waiters!)



The train (bound for Revenge Town?) that would soon be running the Mets over.


Carlos Beltran, uninspired by 39,000 Astros fans booing him all weekend, goes over to pick up the Shownblow pitch bashed off the CF wall by none other than Kaz Matsui!



Clubhouse Letters I Imagine are Being Scrawled Right Now:

Dear Jerry,

I dont care if you have to saran wrap my arm to my shoulder, leave me in the fucking game.

Respectfully yours,

Johan

***

Dear Billy Wagner,

Do your fucking job, you big mouth hick. Check my numbers lately, you sorry fuck.

Yours,

"Good" Oliver Perez.

***
Weeping in Fits and Starts

Well, for Countrytime, its clearly not how many saves ya blow, but when you blow them. If Johan Santana had been a Met, there's no way he lands such a big contract. Pathetic team.

For J-Man, it seems to be one step forward, one step back. Loading the bases with one out in the 10th, I think, was J-Man's contribution to the body of management strategy. Though many in the crowd scratched their heads, this move would allow Feliciano to match up better with the batter, avoid dangerous mouth-breather Hunter "Pants," and create a force at any base; at least that's what I told my parents. That plan looked a little shakey when Pedreadful Feliciano went to 3-1 with the newly loaded bases. Yeah, J-Man's plan could have actually needlessly lost the game, if Feliciano hadn't served up the game losing single a few minutes later to make it moot. Shows some serious confidence in his relief staff, which in turn shoud raise some serious doubts about his decision-making acumen. Of course what choice does he have? There is suck behind each door, no matter which you choose. No one should have any confidence in anyone in that pen. It really doesn't matter if Johan threw 103 pitches, as soon as he was taken out, the loss was just a matter of time.

We DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, but perhaps a much younger Daniel Murphy, if left in the game after making a game-saving catch and being the sole bright spot in Met land, does not fall on his face like Fernando Tatis and instead launches a competitive throw to home that somehow keeps the game tied. It should not be lost in the shuffle that Murphy's catch and double play SAVED Sanchez, who was inches away from another horrid outing. It used to be I moaned when the gate opened and Shownblow or Hellman emerged--now I don't care if a rodeo clown cartwheels his fruity ass out of there, just anything but the overpaid shmucks we got now.

Ramon HEAD Castro is no Paul LoDuca. And the Astros are no Dodgers. But sleepyHead has to tag just one of those guys out. C'mon. You're a major league catcher, not a soft cream puff. You're supposed to defend the goddamn plate not serve hors d'oeuvres. You just had to touch the damn plate to get the force, HEAD. People had been, and rightfully so since Schneid can't hit a lick, calling for Castro to get more playing time, but I bet ya Schneider finds a way to block that plate, he is a defensive genius remember. Now the Mets will have to find another 3rd string catcher, instead of adding a new arm to the pen of course. Luckily, Omar has had plenty of rest and is up to the task, since he saved his energy at the deadline NOT DOING ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO IMPROVE A DEEPLY FLAWED TEAM.

There are only 5 guys I am not severely pissed off at right now. The little guys: sTatisically Improbably, the Easlinator and R-Heinous Reyes. They are playing up to their abilities. And two of the big guys: Jose Reyes who is doing what he can and Johan who could be forgiven for demanding a trade. The rest can bite me. If the guys paid the big money to stir the drink would do their jobs, we'd be 5 games up waiting for the collapse by now. Beltran and Wright just don't have it this season. And it is indeed time to invoke the "clutchiness" or lack thereof in Mr William Wagner's game. None of these guys is making an appearance in big games. I'd be packing my bags, collecting office supplies and updating my resume if I were Omar Minaya right now.

***
Odds and Ends
*In what has to be a joke, some ill-informed soul is using the NY Times op ed page to take the Mets to task for not having an old-timer's game. Bwahahahahahahaha! Anyone imploring the Mets to "start a new Old Timers’ tradition at Citi Field" really needs to check out the right side of the infield. Or peruse the DL list! Methinks Omar has done quite enough for the AARP set.

*I guess its ironic that I have spent the Astros series staring at their fear-inducing lineup of a de-roided Tejada, Berkman, and Lee and wondered how they could suck as bad as they do. Right in front of my eyes, they don't suck anymore. Problem solved. Thanks Mets! %$#@!

*If this is the tailspin we were expecting, it figures that I'd get to be there to see it. The Mets winning percentage in games I have traveled all across the country to see them play is something like .0003%


*Silver lining: Going to a game with your parents can lead to some kind of awesome swag windfall. The Astros club store had a lot of Mets stuff. If only they had raised me an Angels fan!