It's Mets For Me: Off-Beat, Tangentially Relevant Mets Ruminations

Off Base Since 2005! Mets commentary from the counter-intuitive to the unintuitive and all the intuitives in between. ** "Through the use of humor and gross inaccuracy...a certain truth can be gained." Rob Perri ** (pester me or follow me @itsmetsforme on twitter)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

IMFM's 2008 Preseason Predictions

Let the Golden Age Begin

We here at IMFM do not belabor the obvious, we belabor the ridiculous. So, as always, no long, drawn out multi-post previews of the 2008 season for us. Just straight shootin'. We're just gonna tell you what happens and let you sort out the details. Without further ado...

2008 Final Standings (Editor's Note: I could tell you the final won loss records but that would just blow your minds)

NL East
1. New York Mets
2. Florida Marlins
3. Philadelphia
4. Washington
X. Atlanta (contracted, lack of fan interest)

Mets overcome loss of Anderson and Orlando Hernandez (pictured above) to cruise to NL East title. Former Met Lastings Milledge hits .440, and drives in 300 runs for the Nationals, but it's still not enough. Mets announce 60% raise in ticket prices during September stretch drive. Jason Stark announces retirement in late April.

NL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Chicago Cubs
3. Cincinnati Reds
4. Houston
5. Pittsburgh
6. St. Louis
7. Milwaukee

The curse continues for the Cubs, even playing under the glow of the F*ckdome, and Sweet Lou Piniella spends the bulk of his late-season post game press conferences making snide comments about Willie Randolph's in-game management.

NL West
1. New York Mets
2. Arizona
3. San Diego
4. Colorado
5. Los Angeles Dodgers
6. N/A
7. Barry Zito and the San Francisco Giants

New York Mets cruise to division lead in April and never look back. New Dodgers manager Joe Torre shows up for a weekend series with the Mets wearing his old Mets uniform and is let go, replaced by Phil Jackson. Temporarily committed soon thereafter, Torre is last seen selling oranges and tube socks to passing motorists at the on-ramp for the 110 freeway.

AL East
1. New York Mets
2. Boston Red Sox
3. Baltimore Orioles
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays
5. Toronto Blue Jays
X. Yankees (forfeit season under "more than 6 steroid cheaters on team at one time on team with $200 million payroll" rule)

Surprising New York Mets take AL East from traditional East Coast behemoths with much larger payrolls. Waves of converted Mass-holes rush the field at Fenway and spraypaint the Green Monster Orange and Blue in tribute to their new overlords.

AL Central
1. New York Mets
2. Detroit Tigers
3. Cleveland
4. Chicago
5. Minnesota
X. Kansas City (does not finish)

Tigers look unstoppable early but have to settle for the AL wild card when the Mets pull away in September. C.C. Sabathia, trying to catch Mets GM Omar Minaya's eye, goes 23-2.

AL West
1. New York Mets
2. Southern California Angels of Los Angeles in America
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle
5. Texas
6. Southwestern U.S. Angels of Asinine

Texas wakes up every morning to a dream that it landed Santana, but no one in this division has enough to stop the Mets from running away with it.

World Series winner: New York Mets
NL Rookie of Year: Fernando Martinez, NY Mets
NL Cy Young: Johan Santana, NY Mets
NL MVP: David Wright, NY Mets
AL ROY: not held
AL Cy Young: not held
AL MVP: not held

BallHype: hype it up!



  • At 2:26 PM, Anonymous cvertana said…

    Man, IMFM! You win the pool already! This is a genius post! Very funny!

  • At 7:52 AM, Anonymous cvertana said…

    About 5 more hours and we start up the 2008 Season!!!!! I'm very excited. I just saw this bit about Agent Glavine using his spying skills to help the BR*VES nab Gotay:


  • At 9:44 AM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    I think Project Glavine was successful...for the Br*ves! Weaken the pitching, gain valuable intelligence, ruin morale, and scout the ranks for possible traitors. Now that he came in from the cold, we are seeing the fruits of his labor.

  • At 10:59 AM, Anonymous YB said…

    Mid-season form, IMFM!

    Just don't turn out to be the Danny Heep of Bloggers!

  • At 12:10 PM, Blogger Itsmetsforme said…

    YB, I'm aiming to be more Tim Teufel-esque. Wiggling my ass at the plate, getting in bar brawls, unable to turn two, kicking the shit out of Rob Dibble, letting the occasional ball go under my glove, but all without the Jesus.


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This blog is meant completely and entirely in jest, unless you count the angst, and is not meant to offend anyone, unless you are a Br*ves fan. It's not affiliated with Sterling, the Mets, common sense, good taste, or anything really.